


We were Indestructible

by AestheticLovers



Category: Elite (TV)
Genre: Angst, Crime, Endgame, Erotica, F/M, Fluff, Heartbreak, Lovers, Missing Moments, Romance, Secret Lovers, Soulmates, Starcrossed
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-22
Updated: 2021-03-04
Packaged: 2021-03-11 01:28:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 50,456
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28246932
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AestheticLovers/pseuds/AestheticLovers
Summary: 𝘊𝘢𝘳𝘭𝘢 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘚𝘢𝘮𝘶𝘦𝘭 𝘸𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘯𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘮𝘦𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘦, 𝘺𝘦𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘦𝘯𝘦𝘥, 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘮𝘰𝘴𝘵 𝘤𝘢𝘱𝘵𝘪𝘷𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘸𝘢𝘺.𝘐 𝘣𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘦𝘷𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘪𝘳 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘴𝘵𝘰𝘳𝘺 𝘪𝘴 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭 𝘥𝘰𝘦𝘴𝘯'𝘵 𝘪𝘯𝘤𝘭𝘶𝘥𝘦 𝘴𝘵𝘰𝘭𝘦𝘯 𝘨𝘭𝘢𝘯𝘤𝘦𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘴𝘪𝘹 𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘶𝘵𝘦𝘴 𝘰𝘧 𝘴𝘤𝘳𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦.𝘚𝘰 𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦'𝘴 𝘮𝘺 𝘵𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘰𝘯 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥'𝘷𝘦 𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘦𝘯𝘦𝘥 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘳𝘥 𝘴𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘰𝘯 𝘰𝘧 𝘌𝘭𝘪𝘵𝘦...𝘉𝘦𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘊𝘢𝘳𝘮𝘶𝘦𝘭 𝘥𝘦𝘴𝘦𝘳𝘷𝘦𝘥 𝘣𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳.𝘛𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘥𝘦𝘴𝘦𝘳𝘷𝘦𝘥 𝘦𝘢𝘤𝘩𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳.
Relationships: Carla Rosón Caleruega/Samuel García Domínguez
Comments: 7
Kudos: 33





	1. 𝑻𝒉𝒓𝒆𝒆 𝒘𝒐𝒓𝒅𝒔 | 3x01 (Vol. 1)

**Author's Note:**

> 𝘐 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘳𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘸𝘳𝘪𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘳𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘢𝘧𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘴𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘰𝘯 3, 𝘈𝘗𝘙𝘐𝘓 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘦 𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘤𝘪𝘴𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘪𝘵 𝘪𝘴 𝘮𝘺 𝘧𝘪𝘳𝘴𝘵 𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘸𝘳𝘪𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘴𝘩𝘢𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨, 𝘣𝘦𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘐 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘬 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘧𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘰𝘮 𝘢𝘨𝘳𝘦𝘦𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘊𝘢𝘳𝘭𝘢 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘚𝘢𝘮𝘶𝘦𝘭 𝘸𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘳𝘰𝘣𝘣𝘦𝘥 𝘰𝘧 𝘴𝘰 𝘮𝘢𝘯𝘺 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘪𝘳 𝘴𝘵𝘰𝘳𝘺, 𝘰𝘳 𝘮𝘢𝘺𝘣𝘦 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘮 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨. 𝘛𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘦, 𝘐 𝘥𝘦𝘤𝘪𝘥𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘳𝘦-𝘸𝘳𝘪𝘵𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘰𝘯 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘨𝘪𝘷𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮 𝘢 𝘣𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘴𝘵𝘰𝘳𝘺, 𝘢 𝘮𝘦𝘢𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘧𝘶𝘭 𝘰𝘯𝘦. 𝘐 𝘪𝘯𝘪𝘵𝘪𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘱𝘰𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘴 𝘰𝘯 𝘞𝘢𝘵𝘵𝘱𝘢𝘥 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘢𝘧𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘢 𝘥𝘦𝘢𝘳 𝘧𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘥 𝘴𝘶𝘨𝘨𝘦𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘐 𝘵𝘳𝘺 𝘪𝘵 𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦, 𝘐 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘸𝘩𝘺 𝘯𝘰𝘵. 𝘚𝘖 𝘏𝘌𝘙𝘌 𝘐 𝘈𝘔.
> 
> 𝙏𝙝𝙞𝙨 𝙬𝙞𝙡𝙡 𝙗𝙚 𝙬𝙧𝙞𝙩𝙩𝙚𝙣 𝙛𝙧𝙤𝙢 𝙗𝙤𝙩𝙝 𝘾𝙖𝙧𝙡𝙖 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙎𝙖𝙢𝙪𝙚𝙡'𝙨 𝙋𝙊𝙑 𝙛𝙤𝙧 𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧𝙮 𝙘𝙝𝙖𝙥𝙩𝙚𝙧, 𝙄 𝙩𝙧𝙞𝙚𝙙 𝙩𝙤 𝙥𝙤𝙧𝙩𝙧𝙖𝙮 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙞𝙧 𝙘𝙝𝙖𝙧𝙖𝙘𝙩𝙚𝙧𝙨 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙗𝙚𝙨𝙩 𝙬𝙖𝙮 𝙄 𝙘𝙖𝙣, 𝙩𝙝𝙤𝙪𝙜𝙝𝙩𝙨, 𝙛𝙚𝙚𝙡𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙨, 𝙨𝙥𝙚𝙚𝙘𝙝 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧𝙮𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙗𝙖𝙨𝙞𝙘𝙖𝙡𝙡𝙮. 𝙄𝙩 𝙬𝙖𝙨 𝙝𝙤𝙣𝙚𝙨𝙩𝙡𝙮 𝙫𝙚𝙧𝙮 𝙞𝙣𝙩𝙚𝙧𝙚𝙨𝙩𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙖𝙢𝙪𝙨𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙩𝙤 𝙜𝙚𝙩 𝙞𝙣 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙞𝙧 𝙝𝙚𝙖𝙙 𝙞𝙣 𝙖 𝙬𝙖𝙮!
> 
> 𝘐'𝘮 𝘢𝘤𝘵𝘶𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘢𝘭𝘮𝘰𝘴𝘵 𝘥𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘦𝘱𝘪𝘴𝘰𝘥𝘦𝘴, 𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘰 𝘨𝘰 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘪'𝘭𝘭 𝘣𝘦 𝘥𝘰𝘯𝘦, 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘪'𝘭𝘭 𝘥𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘨𝘳𝘢𝘥𝘶𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘰𝘧 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘴𝘦, 𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘱𝘦𝘳 𝘸𝘦𝘦𝘬 𝘰𝘳 𝘮𝘢𝘺𝘣𝘦 𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦, 𝘐 𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘺𝘦𝘵.
> 
> 𝙀𝙫𝙚𝙧𝙮 𝙘𝙝𝙖𝙥𝙩𝙚𝙧 𝙞𝙨 𝙙𝙚𝙨𝙘𝙧𝙞𝙗𝙚𝙙 𝙗𝙮 𝙖 𝙨𝙤𝙣𝙜.
> 
> 𝙄 𝙝𝙤𝙥𝙚 𝙮𝙤𝙪'𝙡𝙡 𝙚𝙣𝙟𝙤𝙮 𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙙𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙨, 𝙟𝙪𝙨𝙩 𝙖𝙨 𝙢𝙪𝙘𝙝 𝙖𝙨 𝙄 𝙚𝙣𝙟𝙤𝙮𝙚𝙙 𝙬𝙧𝙞𝙩𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙞𝙩.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I stand there and watch her break my heart into pieces.
> 
> I will have you back. I was determined to now like never before.
> 
> *Ratings: angsty

_**Samuel** _

I join Guzman in the hallway; we both pace frantically unable to believe that Polo will remain in school and that we weren't allowed to treat him differently, after everything he's done, after everything we've done to get him arrested, as if Carla hadn't just confessed that he was a murderer, as if I hadn't sacrificed her for it. I turn around as Guzman talks of how it will all be over when Carla explains everything in the trial set tomorrow; she suddenly appears from the corner, her eyes locked on me as she just passes by.

"You may have fucked her but you don't know her as well as I do" Guzman says, his eyes angrily pierced on Carla. My heart starts racing, my hands are clenching with rage, my eyes still following her down the hall.

_You never had me._

Her voice has been stuck in my head for days; I can't shake it no matter what I do. I can't shake her. Her words shattered me, made me realize how far I had gone, I knew this would draw a wedge between us, I just never thought it would hurt this much.

Her words also scared me, the idea of how true they were was terrifying, I wanted so desperately to believe, even if it's for so little time, that I've had her. I know I have. She was different with me, in so many ways, ways I couldn't even describe, it was just in the way she looked at me, smiled at me, kissed and touched me, it was in the way she saw me. She gave me value, she listened, and she cared. I realized that the moment she told me that she's lost me. Everything changed after that.

"Ask Ander to testify already and complete Carla's story, the session is tomorrow and we don't have much time" I turn around and follow her.

She's already outside, her stride long and fast while crossing the bridge above the beautiful lake that separates the two buildings of the school. I run after her while calling her name then finally catch up with her, I grab her arm and turn her around: "How are you?" she suddenly flashes on me and hits me right in the chest to push me away, I stumble back a few steps before she continues her assault with words: "how am I? Leave me alone or I swear to God I'll hit you right here and now!"

I interrupt her immediately: "Listen I'm sorry I put you in this position but you can't back down now..."

"Samuel, do you realize that if I go ahead with this I'll lose my family the wineries and everything else, what the hell will I have left-"

"Me. You'll have me" I say and mean every word. Something passed briefly over her face, but it was gone before I could identify it. She recoils slowly from the sincerity of my answer, and I immediately give her the only possible thing that could be proof of how true and real my feelings were: "I love you."

My brain stutters for a moment and my eyes take in more light than expected, every part of me goes on pause while my thoughts catch up. I wasn't planning to say that yet, I wasn't even ready to accept it myself. She's stays immobile for a long minute; her gaze scorching hot, her jaw tight and hard, she abruptly lifts her hand and slaps me hard enough to turn my head. I close my eyes remembering the last time she slapped me, I had recorded her and tried to get the police to use it as evidence, back then we were both too stubborn to admit that things were changing between us, back then she was the first to try and show it. It was me now, trying my best to convince her it was no longer a game.

Carla's reaction sets my heart on fire, she thinks I am using her again to get what I want; I realize now I should never have said those words, not because they weren't real, but because they were the right words said at the wrong time.

"Only if I do what you say right? Then you'll toss me aside again when you're done" she says aggressively.

"No if you do what I ask you'll prove you're the person I fell in love with." There I've said it. I don't exactly know how I feel about it, but I know for a fact that saying it was inevitable; I couldn't stand another day without having her know I was hers. And that I was madly and completely in love with her.

She just looks at me, not giving any hint on what she was thinking, nothing but surprise and anger, and for that I understood her. I caused that and I will do everything in my power to change it. To bring back that soft look on her face, those dimples that formed on her cheeks every time she flashed a smile at me.

She sighs and leaves me standing there, unable to move. I watch her leave me patiently and think of how she looked when doing the opposite, the way she used to walk slowly towards me, drawing me seductively, the sway of her hips and the look on her face dangerously attractive.

I stand there and watch her break my heart into pieces.

_I will have you back. I was determined to now like never before._

_**Carla** _

I couldn't sleep that night. I pace back and forth in my room, only wearing my black night gown; it's made of silk and has a long cut on the left leg that reaches my thigh, the back decorated with a delicate lace that allows air to move smoothly across my body, soothing my high temperature. I was so nervous because of the confrontation tomorrow, but I was even angrier at the one I had with him earlier today.

"How could he say that?" I ask myself. "After everything I've done, everything he's done, how could he just tell me he loved me, he has no right..." I furiously move towards the balcony and open the door agressively slamming it across the wall; a cold breeze welcomes me as I step outside.

I don't remember being this angry before, I allowed the darkness I felt swallow me whole, the pressure of this raging feeling of anger suffocating me.

I lean against the wall, my hands supporting my body, eyes locked on the bright moon above, I breathe in and out trying to calm myself, the faint wind brushing against my damp skin. I absorb the silence and the sweet smell of spring flowers. I honestly loved the quiet, enjoyed reading in it a lot. I would just grab a classic, sit and read for hours, my mind upon the clouds as I lose track of time. It was one of the few things that calmed me down.

I have no idea what I'm going to do tomorrow. I just want to disappear from the world and have some peace. As I enjoy the silence my phone vibrates in my hand making me jump a little. I reach for it and frown as I read the text and who it's from.

_Samuel: I could also use some fresh air._

"What?" I read the text a couple of times before I look up and around the garden. Another text comes in.

_Samuel: Near the pool._

I turn my head to the right and walk to the end of the balcony; I look down at the pool and find him standing next to it, dressed in a basic white t-shirt under a denim jacket; a simple outfit elevated by the body inside it, he looked impossibly gorgeous under the moonlight. He waves his hand at me as if it were the most normal thing in the world to have him in the backyard of my house in the middle of the night. _Idiot._

_Wtf is he doing here? Is he out of his mind?_

I frown at him as he walks towards the balcony, his steps are silent and measured, he reaches the point where he has to look up at me and I whisper angrily:"What the fuck are you doing here? My dad will literally kill you if he finds you here. Seriously Samuel, he would kill you-"

"I know I know. Listen, I just want to talk so if you could just come down; otherwise I swear I'll stay here all night." He shoots back, his face hard and I know he's being serious. I secretly loved how determined he was.

"What's there to talk about you idiot? I'm telling you my father is going to kill you." I say now even angrier than moments before.

"You'll find out if you come down here, it's important Carla. Trust me." I get stuck at the trust me part for a minute.

_Does he still expect me to trust him after everything he’s done?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter inspired by the song: 8 letters by why don't we.
> 
> This was obviously similar to the original episode since it's the first chapter, and I feel like the scene of Samuel's love confession was perfect, I would definetly say Carla's reaction was on spot on and evidently she has right. I hope you enjoyed.  
> With love.  
> A.


	2. 𝑴𝒊𝒅𝒏𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒐𝒖𝒈𝒉𝒕𝒔 | 3x01 (Vol. 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> My last memory that night was him holding me close, our bodies resting on the floor by the fireplace, his arms banded around me, his face buried in my hair, both of us exhausted and unable to let go of each other.
> 
> It felt like our last time. And maybe it was.
> 
> *Ratings: Mature  
> *Chapter written in Carla's POV

**_Carla_ **

I growl losing my patience and storm out of the balcony into the room to go down stairs and join him. I walk on tiptoes as I pass my parents room and run down the stairs to reach the back door, I open it discreetly and head towards the pool. As I'm walking I realize I didn't put my robe on before leaving the room and I'm actually wearing nothing underneath my gown, which displays smoothly every curve of body, I shiver at the realization and at the cold breeze that greets me outside, I shiver more as I approach the pool and spot him standing, looking at his reflection in the water, his face shining from it.

I stop for a second and just observe him discreetly. I don't know when I have grown so fond of just looking at him, but I do; I start with his hair, dark and lustrous, smooth and soft to the touch, I remember how it felt to run my fingers through it. I then move to his eyebrows and the so unfamiliar scar I used to hate but I now adore, my fingers tickle with the urge to touch it, his eyes are bright and liquid warm, sprinkled with light brown specks, sparkling from the glitter of the water, framed by beautiful thick lashes.

With his face slightly titled to the side, I could see the way each line on his face gracefully matched the other, from his cheek bones to his perfect nose, from that sharp jaw curved gracefully to those irresistible lips. He was perfect.

There was a gentleness about him that unnerved me, a simplicity that made me feel safe and at peace. I loved him for that. As I loved him for everything else.

I'm actually in love with him. I'm in love with him and I can't believe I've only just realized it. He never leaves my mind, he's always there; no matter what I do. While I look at him, this strange feeling stretches throughout my whole body. It's overwhelming, yet makes me feel complete. The more I look at him the more my heart beats, his body attracting mine like magnet.

I look at him and wonder how can a person go from having someone be a complete stranger, to being completely infatuated by them and wondering how they ever were able to live without them, because I sure as hell couldn't imagine being without him now. Just the thought of it scared me.

Samuel chooses that moment to look up and find me, our gaze locked under the moonlight, he looks up but doesn't move; he just stares back at me. His eyes rooming smoothly all over my body, he was watching me with a heavy-lidded gaze raking me from head to toe. With just the look in his eyes, Samuel wraps me in a warm embrace, admiring me as if I was the most beautiful thing he's ever seen.

We couldn't stop looking at each other; it's been that way with us from the very first start, both of us unbelievably drawn to one another.

We both stay rooted in place for a long time then move synchronicallyto meet each other in the middle. We unconsciously stand so close to one another, our eyes speaking words we couldn't say out loud.

"How did you get in?" I ask my voice hoarse and I don't even know why.

"I, I jumped over the fence. I'm sorry, I know I'm not welcomed here." he says with sad eyes.

_Does he really think I don't want him here? I mean right now I don't, I do but not really; God he makes me question everything._

I've honestly dreamed of days where he could just knock on my door and be welcomed by my family with genuine smiles and honest words. But those were just dreams. "Then why are you here?" I ask again.

"I'm here for you. I told you I needed to talk to you." he responds, his voice deep and even.

"This couldn't wait until tomorrow?" I ask furiously.

"No, not after the trial is done. What I have to say is important to you; to me, to us." he says decisively. "If you don't want to talk, you can just listen. Look I just--"

"Not here." I interrupt him. Crossing my arms over my chest, I walk away and head towards the pool house. It's in the far end of the garden, away from the house. A calm place where we could talk without being seen or interrupted.

Samuel stands in place for a bit before he decides to follow me. I open the door and go inside without turning on the lights. I wait for him to join. He stops at the threshold and I gesture for him to come in. I close the door behind him before I move to the windows and close the curtains. I couldn't risk having someone see him. See us.

The space has a few couches and a coffee table with books displayed on it, both arranged to face the fireplace; which was still burning and casting long shadows over the rug, making me feel warmer already. Samuel moves to stand before it, looking at the flames curl and sway, flicking this way and that. We stay quiet for a moment; the only thing you could hear was our breathing and the crackling sound of the flames as they burn the dry wood.

He turns around abruptly: "I meant what I said."

"About?" I ask but I already know. I know from the way he can't stand still, his hands clenching restlessly; something he did whenever he was nervous about something.

"I told you I loved you because it's what I feel, not because I wanted to manipulate you. I would never. Not ever again." He swears. I stay silent and squeeze my arms tighter around me. He notices and steps closer trying to reach for me but I step back quickly.

"Don't touch me" I say determined to stay as far from him as possible, my body already responding instinctively to the proximity of his.

"Why not?" he shoots back angrily.

"Why not?" I repeat his words sarcastically, "I don't know Samuel. What do you think?"

"I know and I'm sorry, how many times do I have to apologize, I'm sorry for everything I put you through, but it wasn't just you, it wasn't easy for me too, I actually went through hell for this, for you, for us to have a clean slate and forget about all this shit, all I want--"

"You went through hell?" I bitterly repeat after him. My jaw set hard, my hands clenching with the need to hit him, to hurt him the same way he hurt me.

"Yes I went through hell!" he bits back quickly taking a few steps towards me, our faces so close I could almost touch him. The air between us crackling with tension.

"I thought you were dead" I whisper.

The silence in the room after I let the words out made my skin crawl, the sound of the fire portraying the flood of emotions catching up with me. My pulse quickens, my insides quiver as I remember days where I fought for breath at the thought of never seeing him again.

"No I actually believed it, and had to live with that for days, I couldn't sleep, couldn't eat, couldn't breathe. To me that was the end and" I pause, my eyes watering. "I still can't believe..." I sigh because of the lump forming in my throat at the thought of losing him forever.

His face is emotionless for a split second before his eyes turn blazed with a glassy layer of tears and a long sigh escapes his dry lips; as if his brain needed time to process what I just said.

"You know what? I'm done" I whisper as I turn around and head for the door. He quickly catches me, yanking me back by the elbow. Spinning, I slap him with enough force to turn his head and set my palm on fire.

"Fuck," he growls, grabbing me by the arms and shaking me. "Stop fucking hitting me!"

"I told you not to fucking touch me!" I scream at him again because I knew that if he did, I wouldn't be able to stop myself. The tension between us was already growing by the second. It was all just too much.

"Afraid you won't be able to resist?" he shoots back. I frown and all the rage I've been burying inside me lashes out on him.

I hit him hard, pushing him away with hard fists on his strong chest. "I hate you, you self-centered asshole, I regret the moment I decided to start this stupid game, I regret every time I ever trusted you, I hate-"

With a frustrated growl, he swiftly pulls me to him and kisses me hard, bruising my lips. His hand is in my hair, fisting it roughly, holding me in place so I couldn't turn away. I shove at his shoulders with everything I have in me, but still couldn't budge him. It has been too long since the last time I had my lips on him. My skin was already tingling and tightening expectantly, craving every feel of his touch.

I dig my nails in his shoulders and he groans into my mouth as if he were in the greatest pain. Or pleasure. For me, it was both. He smelled so good and tasted even better, his body feeling so perfectly right against mine. Samuel kissed me until my lips were hot; his ardent mouth brushing against mine till I was gasping for air.

He finally pulls away; we're both breathless when he whispers, "Don't fight me, I can't take it." He cups my jaw with shaky hands, "You're killing me, Carla. I can't stand the thought of you hating me."

My eyes are still closed as I try to calm my ragging heartbeat; I'm still clinging to him for balance, my hands wrapped around the collar of his jacket, finding it hard to stand. "Let go of me." I say and pray for him to hold on.

Caging me with his body, he leans down and hisses in my ear "Never. You can ask me to do anything and I'll comply, except for this. I will never let you go." He swears his voice deep and hoarse.

_But you already did._

I feel his hand on my back, his skin touching mine through the open back of my gown and I shiver from his touch, I don't think I'd survive losing him again. Not after he told me he loved me. But I was still mad; my hands fisting his open jacket hard, my mouth a thin line. Wrapping his arms tightly around me, Samuel squeezes me so tight I almost couldn't breathe. "Say something!" He demands urgently.

I lose control and comply but use my body instead of words, I aggressively take off his jacket and kiss him hard; I reach under his t-shirt, seeking and finding his warm skin, placing my plams on his hard abs. His muscles are strong and ridged beneath my palms; he groans and pushes his tongue inside my mouth, tasting me franticly. His passion and hunger for me exploding across my senses.

I pull his shirt over his head and attack his mouth again, my hands clenching his hair like mad. I loved him insanely, needed him like I needed to breathe. I dig my nails onto his chest and he pulls away, "Carla..." he murmurs, his raspy voice throbbed with emotion.

I desperately shut him up with another kiss; I didn't want him to talk, I just wanted him to feel me. "Don't talk, just fuck me." I command breathlessly and reach for his belt; his brown eyes are fierce on my face; his cheeks flushed, lips parted. The tips of my breasts touch him through my thin gown before he reaches for it and lets it fall to the ground.

Standing completely naked in front of him; he pierces me with his eyes, his gaze so scorching hot it sets my body on fire, he crushes me to him with a growl: "It was driving me crazy knowing you were naked beneath your robe." He lifts me off the floor wrapping my legs around his waist and carries me backward towards the fireplace. He pushes me down onto the couch and leans over me; hooking my legs around him as I shove my hands in his hair, arching my hips to have more of him. Wanting to feel him skin to skin, so that I could be certain he was mine again.

"God, I've missed you so much." he says between kisses and I punish him by raking my nails down his back, he groans and takes my mouth again, his lips moving desperately over mine, as if I'd disappear at any second.

He quickly pulls away to plant hungry kisses on my jaw, his tongue tracing the wildly throbbing vein in my throat and I melt into him. He was breathing hard. His arms were banded around my back and his beautiful face was flushed with lust by the time he reaches my breasts then my stomach, tracing my skin with wet kisses, his chest expanding on shaky breaths, murmuring words I couldn't hear... He looks up at me; his eyes were candles in the light of the fireplace, turning charmingly into that honey color I loved, their light a spark of passion. I close mine and clutch his hair hard enough to make him groan.

"Don't wait..." I manage to say before he puts his mouth on me, "Oh God!" I writhed with pleasure. I'd been aching without him, the world around me losing its vibrancy, my body hurting without his.

I climax in a violent rush, eyes closed, focused on the feel of his lips, my lungs burning as I fight for air. He quickly loses the rest of his clothes and settles over me pushing inside me with a low groan, his body nude and hot to the touch.

"I love you." he whispers as our bodies connect, our legs tangling as I moan his name. I couldn't contain the rough swell of emotion I felt at that moment, the love and the need, the anger and the fear. The hate and pain. God, the pain. I still felt it heavily. I wanted to inflect it on him, the same way he did with me. I wanted to punish him with pleasure. To make him experience some level of what I've been through when I thought I'd lost him.

Surging upward, I sink my teeth into his pectoral, just over his heart. My nails raking his back from shoulder to hips, his body shaking from the rough feel of pain, his face buried in my neck; he growls taking both my hands and pins them down. His grip firmly holding my wrists. Holding me down.

"Stop fighting me," he grunts breathlessly, "You're driving me crazy!"

"More!" I say before he pushes inside me with a powerful thrust, his thighs spreading mine skillfully, he kisses me one last time before resting back on his heels and rising, I don't register his movements at first only to feel the earth shift beneath me as he lifts me up to sit on his lap.

"I remember you liking this more." he speaks hotly on my face. He grips my hips, elevating them, tilting me to the angle he wanted. He rolled his hips, stirring himself inside me, pulling me onto him until I gasped in pain at how deep he was.

"I hate that you know me so well!" I had all of him, every inch, and I still wanted more. I wanted him permanently, exclusively and hated that I couldn't. Clutching his thick silky hair in both hands, I turn his face to kiss the reddened mark I left on his cheek, I kiss his jaw and make my way down his neck, planting hot kisses, biting and sucking on his addictive skin.

"It doesn't feel weird anymore!" I confess against his damp skin; remembering the night we had together in his place, how I teased him about how weird it was that we were together, how he used by body against me to convince me otherwise. How he proved that it felt so right. How I kissed him afterwards.

"Carla!" he moans with pleasure, my name leaving his lips slowly before he buries his face in my neck to muffle his groan, his body convulsing before coming hard and long. "I love you."

Every time he says the words, the urge to hurt him spread through me like a disease, but at the same time burned through me, sending every part of me on fire. The orgasm took me by surprise, my back bowing as the heated pleasure tore through me. He catches me by the nape and cheek, forcing me to look at him so that I was completely at his mercy.

He lifts his head. His hair is damp and smooth, some strands fall around his face in slow motion. "Stop resisting and feel it" he says angrily, "Feel me!"

"Samuel..." I barely get the words out of my dry mouth before I collapse on his shoulder.

I don't remember how long we stayed like that, kissing and touching, his hands rooming over my body; they were everywhere, just like he was, I was consumed by him, captivated, and he wouldn't stop till I gasped his name each time. Determined to make me say it back, or at least make him feel my love through my body. His lust was frantic and insatiable, his need frightening me because it felt hopeless.

I punished him with greedy hands and teeth, my nails raking over sweat-slick skin, my lips adoringly kissing every part of his stunning face, his hair now a messy tangle from the force of my pulls, every muscle of his responding to my touch. I owned him completely. As much as he owned me.

My last memory that night was him holding me close, our bodies resting on the floor by the fireplace, his arms banded around me, his face buried in my hair, both of us exhausted and unable to let go of each other.

It felt like our last time. And maybe it was.


	3. 𝑰𝒏𝒕𝒊𝒎𝒂𝒄𝒚 | 3x01 (Vol. 3)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> My eyes flutter open in surprise when she flips over so we're chest to chest, gasping when she threads one leg through both of mine sending shivers down my spine. Carla presses her body against mine, her heavy breasts covering my chest, eyes half closed when she rests her head on my bicep. She contemplates me from underneath long lashes, her beautiful eyes soft and shiny, my god, they were simply spellbinding.
> 
> I raise my eyebrows and we both smile.
> 
> "I'm not going anywhere, you can sleep now." she says before closing her eyes again.
> 
> *Ratings: Angsty and sad but romantic?

**_Samuel_ **

We lay there on the rug, wrapped in a blanket facing the fireplace, my arms holding her tightly.

I refused to close my eyes, afraid she would slip away if I fell asleep, her back was pressed against my chest, her hair tickling my face, the heady smell of her fragrance stuck on me; it was a sweet scent of jasmine that lingered in the air, so powerful I was drunk on it and still craving more. Carla smelled wonderful and distinctive, she smelled like flowers and sweet dreams, I couldn't come to describe what that aroma did to me.

She was breathing slow and steady, my body tugging her close, my hands holding hers on the pillow, her head resting on my shoulder, her face serene and calm as she slept peacefully in my embrace. I let my eyes rest for a moment, allowing my other senses to rise; the only thing I could hear was the sound of the fire crackling, Carla's breathing and my slow heartbeat. Nothing else. It felt like we were the only people in the world, a world that was slipping further away from us.

I needed to make this right, to gain back her trust, I hurt her more than I ever expected and it was affecting both of us deeply, I had never seen her this devastated; her walls breaking with each day, which left me with a renewed determination to prove I was worth the pain I'd forced her to face.

I move slowly and plant a deep lingering kiss on her shoulder, then her hair and finally her cheek. I stop there, my face resting against hers: "I'm going to fix this, I promise."

She squeezes my hands and I withdraw a little thinking she was asleep, a small smile decorates the corner of her beautiful lips.

"Why aren't you sleeping?" she asks slowly.

I'm still a little stunned while she waits for me to answer. But then I squeeze her hands back and whisper in her ear, "Because time passes by faster when I do, I want this to last." I tell her honestly.

"You need to rest." she insists while taking a deep breath and adjusting her head on my stretched arm.

"I have you. That's all I need." I murmur while planting shallow kisses along her shoulder, "I can't stop touching you, when I do I don't think about anything else. Please, don't leave again." I beg, not afraid of baring my deepest fears to her.

"I don't think I can move."She teases me inciting a silent chuckle to escape my mouth; grateful that she was in a good mood.

Silence settles for a long time before I decide to break it.

"You're calm." I kiss her neck again and whisper across her skin, "After seeing you like that today, I was worried you'd be anything but. I feared you'd still be angry with me."

"I still am." she admits, her eyes still closed. She stays silent for a long time then tries to free her hands from my grip, I hold on and she turns her head slightly, "Let go of me, Samuel."

I try to say something to stop her but just close my eyes and embrace myself for what's coming. I hesitate before opening my arm; my eyes are still closed as I wait for her body to slip away.

I wait for my body to shiver from the loss of her warmth, I wait for the sound of her footsteps signaling her walking away from me.

My eyes flutter open in surprise when she flips over so we're chest to chest, gasping when she threads one leg through both of mine sending shivers down my spine. Carla presses her body against mine, her heavy breasts covering my chest, eyes half closed when she rests her head on my bicep. She contemplates me from underneath long lashes, her beautiful eyes soft and shiny, my god, they were simply spellbinding.

I raise my eyebrows and we both smile.

"I'm not going anywhere, you can sleep now." she says before closing her eyes again.

"That's not helping, I'm just going to stare at your face now!" I snort with amusement and she laughs lazily at my statement.

I just can't stop looking at her. She just dazzled me.

"Stalker!" she murmurs, her elegant fingers drawing little circles over my heart.

"Only with you." I promise and kiss the tip of her nose before moving to her eyelids.

"How about you read for me instead?" She asks and I pull away again with a frown.

"Read for you?" her request taking me by surprise.

"Mmm; grab a book from the table behind you." She says smiling.

I turn around and notice just now the pile of books on it organized with upmost order.

"Which one?" I ask as I reach for them while still holding Carla.

"It doesn't matter." She says while I'm still trying to grab any one, "You can let go of me. I'm not going to run!" She snorts and lifts her head allowing me to stretch wider and snatch one.

"Not taking any chances with you." We lie back the way we were and she snuggles closer, her mouth planting tempting kisses on my chest.

"What'd you pick?" she asks curiously. I look at the book and smile. A wide grin stretches her face when she notices and I quickly hide the book behind her head.

"Let's see if you can find out." I tease before she attacks me a gentle bite on the chest. "Ouch, that hurts!" I squirm and push her away to give her a smacking kiss in the lips. She still smiling with her eyes closed when I open the book on a random page and start reading.

**_"You're beautiful, but you're empty...One couldn't die for you. Of course, an ordinary passerby would think my rose looked just like you. But my rose, all on her own, is more important than all of you together, since she's the one I've watered. Since she's the one I put under glass, since she's the one I sheltered behind the screen. Since she's the one for whom I killed the caterpillars (except the two or three butterflies). Since she's the one I listened to when she complained, or when she boasted, or even sometimes when she said nothing at all. Since she's-"_ **

"My rose." Carla finishes the sentence and the words die on my mouth. I look down at her, my heart beating fast.

I look at her in wonder and love and appreciation. She was everything. And she was my rose.

"The little Prince." She murmurs looking up at me, her hand now caressing my cheek, "One of my favorites."

"Mine too." She kisses my chin and I close my eyes, my feelings for her growing by the minute.

"Tell me more." She asks and I comply.

**_"In those days, I didn't understand anything. I should have judged her according to her actions, not her words. She perfumed my planet and lit up my life. I should never have run away! I ought to have realized the tenderness underlying her silly pretensions. Flowers are so contradictory! But I was too young to know how to love her."_ **

Fact was, that's just how I felt, Carla gave me her body instead of words, she gave herself to me, she gave me gestures and actions, never words. I was just too blind to see it. Maybe too young even. She too was a delicate flower, I wouldn't quite compare her to a rose, she was much more exceptional, unique even. But just like roses, Carla had an alluring personality. I once read that in Ancient Rome, roses were symbolic of secrets, their thorns representing defense, physicality and thoughtlessness. Their petals though portrayed everything beautiful in life, they portrayed passion, love and life.

Carla was like that; in so many ways. She is all secrets and indifference until you know how to unfold her; _gently, slowly, carefully. Lovingly._

As I read, she instinctively touches my face, her hands rooming over it, caressing and soothing, loving and adoring every feature. The more I read the more she touches me.

She hums blissfully, like she's the happiest person in the world before falling in deep sleep.

I stop, close the book then rest my face next to hers, being this close I could really see how beautiful she was, every feature demanding my attention, her perfect skin, so fragile and soft, the faint freckles that spread adoringly around her nose, her long eyelashes, her velvet lips beautifully formed, but it is the feel of them that captivates me most. That's why I reach for them with my hand, my fingers tracing them lightly before I get the urge to kiss them again. I just couldn't get enough. I kiss her gently and think of how the word beautiful wouldn't do her justice; Carla had the beauty of the Gods, her face drawn perfectly, every sculpted line emphasizing how unique she was.

While I brush my lips against hers, my mother's words flow in my head: _Will you really miss anyone from that school?_

I pull away and whisper: "I will miss the girl I'm in love with."

_I would miss everything about her, the color of her eyes, the smile on her face, the sound of her laugh, the gentleness of her touch; I will crave the sight of her every single day, dream of her every single night. Probably during the day too._

I resist for as long as I can before I press my lips lovingly on her forehead, caressing those delicate moles that graced her skin. I fall asleep to the sound of her breathing, to the smell of her skin, to the warmth of her body. Giving up to time and space.

Because I had her. And nothing else mattered.

**_Carla_ **

I wake up from a nightmare with a sob, a nightmare where he was dead and I couldn't get him back, I stare at the ceiling trying to remember where I was, my breathing is fast and panicked, I turn around and nearly cry at the sight of him sprawled next to me, his lips parted with his even breathing. I press my shaky hand on my chest, fighting tears joy, he was here and he was safe.

God...

I look out the window and see it was still too early; the sun wasn't up yet so we had a couple of hours before we could panic about anyone finding us here.

Sighing deeply, I force myself to relax by just looking at him and feel calm already. I turn on my side, shifting carefully and moving closer to watch him sleep, he lay on his side, his body stretched long and lean on the rug, the blanket covering his waste only. His face is calm and peaceful. I trace his lips with reverent fingers and smile because they're just as kiss-swollen as mine.

Bracing myself on my elbows; I look for his clothes and snatch his phone from the pocket of his jacket, I snap a picture of him quickly, a picture I would spend hours staring at every night. I secretly send it to myself and delete any evidence. Putting the phone away, I settle back and snuggle closer to him. My eyes rooming over his head, I brush the inky strands of hair away from his forehead, noting the scar on his brow and new lines around his eyes. After his brother left, Samuel turned more and more enraged, aggressive and hopeless, that's why he was so determined to find the truth, no matter the cost, even if it mean hurting other people. Little did I know that he would hurt me. Deeply.

My lips tremble in resistance, my heart breaking at the memory and trace his eyebrows, wishing he could have solved it another way. A way that would still make him mine, where he wouldn't have to break my heart. But I know he had no other choice, he wanted the truth and deserved to find it. He simply deserved so much more.

I sigh with pain remembering that in a few hours, I will have to confess it all in front of everyone, I swallow hard when I think of what I stood to lose if I did, I open my eyes and look at what I would lose if I didn't. I close them again, my heart hurting so much I found it hard to breathe, a tear escapes the seal of my lashes and runs down my cheek in slow motion only to have Samuel's gentle hand wipe it away. I open my eyes in surprise and find his fixing me, stunning me with that dark color of wood. He gives me a wry smile, his eyes glistening: "Don't cry. I can't take it."

Another tear follows and then another until he pulls me close and I bury my face in the crook of his neck, I no longer had any defenses against him, he bared me to the soul: "I don't know what to do!" I cry silently in his embrace.

"You'll do the right thing. I'm sure of it." He caresses my back and kisses my forehead.

But I wasn't going to, deep down I already knew I wasn't, I already knew my decision. Because despite everything, I just can't do that to my family, and I know that it will cost me so much. Probably the only thing I've ever loved.

"What makes you think I would?" I ask looking up at him.

"Because you're the girl I fell in love with" he says, so certain of his words.

_But I will not be today._

I stare at him and wonder what good does he see in me that I don't see in myself. Maybe it's something he thinks he sees? Whatever it is, it won't matter today. And though I know that what I'm going to do is going to break his heart into millions of pieces, I will do it anyway. It will break my heart more but I will still do it. We'll both be broken and maybe, if he wants to, we could put the pieces back together and heal each other.

He will come back to me if he loves me enough. If he ever really did love me. Because I simply have no other choice.

_I hope you can forgive me._

"You need to go before they wake up." I say, my voice so throbbed with emotion, I think he barely heard me. He looks at me for while before letting go of me and starts getting dressed.

I pull the blanket over my naked body and watch him with admiration, wondering when I will ever have him this way again. If ever.

I nervously wait for him to say something when he's done getting dressed. He bends down, his eyes warm and reassuring, I swallow hard when he leans in, his face so close I could almost feel his skin against mine, he slowly presses his forehead against mine: "It's going to be okay."

_It's not._

"We're going to get past this." He whispers, and my eyes sting, the certainty in his voice shattering every hope I ever had.

_You will never forgive me._

"I love you." he says and I kiss him softly, sure now more than ever that this was the last time I ever will. My lips brush against his, feeling soft and familiar.

_I love you more._

I pull away and we both stand, he wraps the blanket tightly around me, kisses my forehead again and heads for the door. He stops at the threshold and turns to me: "I'll see you in a couple of hours. Don't worry I'll be there." he promises with a comforting smile and my heart sinks at the hope I hear in his voice.

He leaves and I collapse on the floor, I break and cry, tears pouring down my face uncontrollably.

_I lost him. And he doesn't even know it yet._

I turn my head as the door of the court room opens, my heart sinking at the sight of Samuel; still in his clothes from earlier, his face still flushed from our passionate night. He walks slowly and takes a seat. Guzman takes the one next to him, both of them piercing me with their eyes.

My whole body shivers, tears threatening to fall again. I look at everyone in the room, and think of every expectation they have of me, I swallow hard and turn my head towards Polo, he looks devastated and unsure of what to say or do. He leans towards the microphone and tries to get something out of his mouth. His anxiety taking over.

He looks like he's about to give in and confess, my heart is vibrates with fear before I stop him: "I made it all up." I say and hate myself for everything I ever said or did. "I'm sorry." I manage to say and look at Samuel. His eyes are in disbelief, his mouth a thin line as he pleads me with his eyes.

I turn around and continue, "I was very angry at my father and my ex. My father was always very strict with me. I made this all up to hurt them." I swallow hard every time I let a word out of my dry mouth, "But now I realize I've gone too far... And I regret it deeply."

I look at all the people in the room, "I'm sorry for all the pain I've caused." And then I look at him, my heart breaking with each breath I take, "I really hope you can forgive me."

His face is emotionless; he closes his eyes unable to believe what had just happened.

I don't register anything that happens after that, my whole body taking control; the only thought going through my head is of him hating me forever. In matters of seconds, everyone leaves the room but him, his head is bowed, his whole domineer is changed, he looks defeated and in pain. Pain I've cause in every sense.

I wait for him to leave but he doesn't. He just sits there and waits. My feet are resisting as I try to walk away. I could smell his perfume mixed with mine from where I was standing, my body aching with every step.

He barely looks at me as I pass by, I'm counting the steps hoping he would say something, I hoped for anything but silence. But that was all he gave me.

I reach the door and do the only thing in my power. Because I honestly have nothing left.

I leave him. And he just lets me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter inspired by the song: Nitesky by Robot Koch
> 
> "No one knows what it's like, you and me, you and I  
> Underneath the night sky, you and me, you and I"
> 
> I remember re-reading chapters from 'The Little Prince' to write this chapter and falling for it again for the millionth time, and felt like Carla and Samuel would definetely be the same, they're just two kids falling in love in a world that made everything complicated for them, and reading would be their escape as it is ours. Yours. MINE. OURS.
> 
> Happy new year.  
> With love,  
> A.


	4. 𝑹𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒐𝒇 𝒑𝒓𝒐𝒎𝒊𝒔𝒆𝒔 | 3x02 (Vol. 1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "It belonged to my grandmother, she gave it to my mom and," he chuckles before he continues, "Since she never really liked Nano's taste in women, she gave it to me."
> 
> Samuel looks proud of himself and I snort while looking at him with playful eyes, "And what makes you any different?" I ask thinking about the fact that they both dated the same girl after all.
> 
> "Well you." He blurs out and I freeze in place, his mouth curving upward, "I'm with you."
> 
> *Ratings: Heartbreak, Flashback and domestic samucarla...

**_Carla_ **

It's been a whole week since I've last been to Las Encinas, seven whole days since I last saw him. Seven long horrible days without him. Sunday morning hit me like a hangover. I woke up feeling so tired I barely got out of bed. I didn't have a fever, nor did I feel sick, I just felt tired. Exhausted even.

It was torture to stay away from him. Spending every minute, waking and sleeping; feeling like someone had a tight grip on my heart and was squeezing life out of it, without mercy. I roll in bed and grab my phone from the nightstand, hoping for a call, a text, any sign that would give me hope for the future. I get tears in my eyes when I see that no one tried to reach out and ask about me. Not a single person.

I unlock my phone and go to my gallery; I open the picture I took of him that night and stare at it, my heart turning small with each breath I take. I sigh, lower the phone to my chest and press it against my heart. Maybe I was wrong, second chances don't exist, and even if they did, people like me didn't deserve them. I needed to move on. But I couldn't imagine how I could go forward without him and live, period. I felt dead inside. The only thing keeping me going was the belief that somehow we'd work things out and be together. But that was just a wild thought, a dream that consumed me for that past week, I must forget about this and go back. I couldn't hide forever.

I close my eyes for a few minutes before and pull myself out of bed. I move to sit at the edge and stare out the window. It was a beautiful day, the sun already warming up the atmosphere, sunlight greeting me with shiny streaks.

I sit there in complete silence for a while. Closing my eyes, I allow him to invade my thoughts again, thinking of the last time he smiled at me, the last time he kissed me... A knock on the door makes me jump in my place. Taking a deep breath, I compose myself and answer, "Come in."

Both my parents come to view; I turn my head quickly and look out the window. "How are we feeling today?" my father asks while standing above my head.

I don't answer and just stare at anything but him. My mother moves to stand next to the window, blocking the warm sunlight I was desperately trying to enjoy. "Your father asked you a question. And why are you still in your pajamas?"

I notice that she barely looks at me while saying that and my heart trembles in my chest, "I'm fine mom, as you can see. I'm just not in the mood to get out of bed."

My dad lifts his hand and presses it against my forehead, "You don't have a fever. But let's go see a doctor, I'll take you."

"No, there's no need. I just need to rest." I reply quickly.

"Whatever you want." My father speaks before leaving the bedroom.

My mother doesn't. She's still staring out the window, refusing to look at me, I know she wanted me to keep my word and confess everything but she had no idea that her whole legacy, fortune and future were at stake. I had to protect her from this and my father's lies.

"What is going on with you? You're not yourself lately." She remarks while still staring out the window. "You need to get a hold of yourself. This isn't you Carla."

"I said I'm fine. I just need time away." I answer, feeling the little bit of energy I have in me draining from my body.

She turns to look at me, her eyes cold and distant. "I'm very disappointed in you."

"I can see that. Better yet, I can feel it." I say looking down.

"I need you to get it together and go back to school soon, staying away won't help you. You can't run away from you problems forever. This isn't how we handle our complications. You're the daughter of a marquise. You better start acting like one."

I take in a deep breath and try to calm my ragging heartbeat. "I know."

"Start by taking a shower and changing your clothes." She says while taking a few steps towards me. "And what's that on your neckline?" she asks pointing at me necklace.

I look down at it swallowing hard, my chest aching, remembering that night again...

_***Flashback*** _

"Carla?" Samuel says my name slowly. "Did you fall asleep?"

He's been reading for me for the past hour, our bodies close and warm next to the fireplace, so intimately comfortable with each other. We both lay on our sides, facing one another. We were so happy and careless about the world and everything else. The simple fact of being together enough to make us feel content and peaceful. I was resting my head on his bicep while he wrapped his hands around me, holding the book behind my face while I pressed my nose in the crook of his neck, drunk on his scent and addictive perfume.

"No, I'm still here. Why'd you stop reading?" I ask pulling away so I could look at his face.

"Because I... I want to..." he tries to let the words out nervously and I get all curious to know what he wants to say. After telling me he loved me I wondered what it could be that got him so worked up.

"What is it?" I ask sitting up, my right hand tracing his eyebrows, he stays silent and I move my face closer to his, caressing his cheek the way I loved, "Tell me."

He takes a deep breath and closes his eyes, as if he was gathering his courage, "I need to give you something." He swallows hard and takes my hand bringing it to his lips and whispers, "but I realize now it's maybe not the right time."

"Well that's too late to say now." I smile at him and he kisses my palm.

"Okay then. Grab my jacket." He asks while I look around and stretch out to reach it, he takes the chance and caresses the skin under my breast. I hold still, losing my balance and my ability to think straight.

"Stop, I can't think straight when you're doing that." I shiver with a small smile.

He leans in and presses a kiss on my back, "Go on then." He whispers with a raspy voice that makes me realize he's turned on again. Pleasure rushed through me all over.

I put my hand in the pocket of his jacket and feel a small box. Startled, I turn wide eyes towards him and he flashes one of those grins that unnerved me. I hold it in my hand and settle back in time to see him sit up as well, the blanket sliding off his hard body and barely covering him up. He takes it from my hand and pulls me closer to him.

"It's definitely not what you think." He says, the heat in his gaze softening to warm amusement.

"How would you know what I was thinking?" I challenge him.

"Well it doesn't matter because whatever it is, you're wrong." He says and brushes his lips against mine. I lose myself in the kiss while he opens the box and takes out whatever's inside.

I open my eyes in time to see him holding it up between us, his eyes turning dark and serious. I pull away and stare at the beautiful and delicate golden necklace in his hand; I smile inwardly at the ring pendant that hung from it. It was simply gorgeous and elegantly attractive, I also notice the small green stone craved on it. "Do you like it?" he asks excitedly.

I look at Samuel, he looks nervous and overwhelmed "It's beautiful." I manage finally.

"It's also yours. The stone on the bezel is a _Grandidierite_ _,_ I know it's not as precious as the things you already have but I've read that it's pretty rare and it's the most precious thing I have. It reminds me of the color of your eyes." He murmurs sweetly after a moment while looking into my eyes. "It belonged to my grandmother, she gave it to my mom and," he chuckles before he continues, "Since she never really liked Nano's taste in women, she gave it to me."

Samuel looks proud of himself and I snort while looking at him with playful eyes, "And what makes you any different?" I ask thinking about the fact that they both dated the same girl after all.

"Well you." He blurs out and I freeze in place, his mouth curving upward, "I'm with you."

My whole body shivers, my love for him filling me until there was no room for anything else. "But why are you giving it to me?" I ask, suddenly feeling anxious, so touched by his words, afraid of them.

"Isn't that obvious." He says and brushes strands of my hair behind my ear. "I promised my mom I would give it to someone special, Marina was special but I still didn't give it to her. You know why?"

I modestly shake my head because I had no words.

"Because she simply isn't you." I swallow hard, unable to believe what I was hearing. "You Carla, you are far more special than anyone I've ever met. You're far more than just a daughter of a Marquise, you're you, you're not afraid of who you are or of showing it. And I know now that your money is the least impressive thing about you." I smile, tears filling my eyes before he goes on, "And for that I am in love with you, and so grateful to have followed you into that bathroom that night at the club. I don't know what the future holds, but I know that I will never regret giving this to you. Whatever happens, if we ever part ways, I want you to know that I will always smile when I think of you wearing it. No matter what happens, I promise."

I lick my dry lips and look at the ring, it's shinning from the light of the fire, and so are his dreamy eyes, the shadows of the flames swaying across his golden skin. He was perfect. And so was everything he said, did or touched.

"I don't know what to say." I whisper, his passion and love bewitching me.

"You don't have to say anything, just let me..." He opens the necklace and looks at me, I stay unmoving, shock turning into love and gratitude so fast I felt dizzy with it. I turn my face to the side and brush my hair out of the way, he smiles and leans closer, his face is so close I could feel his breath across my skin, warming me up while sending shiver across my skin. He secures the necklace and I let my hair loose while he settles the pendant on my chest, he then grabs my chin to turn my face towards his, "You're going to say it back." He whispers with determined eyes before slanting his mouth against mine, cupping my face in both hands and brushing our lips together possessively until I was breathless then stops to whisper again, "Because I won't stop until you do."

**_*Today*_ **

I reach for it with my hand and hold it tightly, "It was a gift from a friend." I say with happy eyes.

"It's tasteless; you're not used to wearing simple things like that." She responds, eying the necklace with judging eyes.

"I think it's elegant and I can wear it with anything."

"It doesn't suit you." She says firmly.

A wave of anger rushes through me, I stand up quickly with my head held high; "I like it and I will wear it as long as I want." I say decisively, my eyes hard and piercing hers.

"Well, I'm sure you'll wear it a couple of days and get tired of it anyway. It's what you always do." She walks past me and heads for the door, "Oh and when it happens, just throw it away, it's not worth keeping." She smirks and leaves the bedroom.

I clench my hands at my sides, frustrated by her questions and remarks. I press my hand on my chest and rub at the pain I felt in my heart. I move to the window and open it quickly, taking deep refreshing breaths to calm my ragging heartbeat. I allow myself to calm down and forget her words; I unconsciously remember his, his voice fills my mind chasing the shadows away.

I lift one hand and hold his necklace, feeling his presence all around me. I finally swallow the pain down, my whole body feeling lighter and at ease, I turn around and head for the shower, hoping this day wouldn't pass by as horrible as it started.

**_Samuel_ **

Another day and Carla is still not here. I rub my face with both hands, not listening to a single word the professor is saying, I feel like I'm going through a mental breakdown, she hasn't been to school for over a week, and I had no idea what to do about it.

I look down at my hands fisting my pants like a maniac; Guzman notices and leans in to whisper in my ear, "Dude, you need to calm down, what's the matter with you?"

"Nothing, I've had a bad night, that's all." I say roughly.

"So this has anything to do with Carla not being here for over a week now?" He asks intentionally.

I turn to look at him, "I said I'm fine." _Liar. I'm anything but fine. I'm actually feeling as if I were still in a nightmare._

The fact that I didn't try to make any contact with her was killing me. She wasn't here because of me, I know it for a fact. The anguish of that, knowing she was deliberately keeping herself from me, ate at me from the inside out.

"My friend, you are everything but fine. Really, I think you look like shit." Guzman chuckles while eyeing me. I glare at him with angry eyes, ignoring the fact that he was right. I really did look like shit, and I mostly felt like it. During the past week I did everything in my power to keep my composure, interacting with anyone and everyone to keep myself for reaching out to her. But there was no peace today. Only the torment of knowing that she was in pain too cut through me, but I was mad at her like never before. And I loved her like never before. God, I loved her like carzy, she didn't know how much.

I think of nothing but Carla and what she's done, trying to reason out how she could have done anything differently. Trying to understand her and what she did. I wish I could forgive her that easily, but I was left with the deepening fear that I would never forgive her for this or myself for not forgiving her. God, I was a mess.

I also waited with endless hope for her to reach out to me. To call or communicate in any way. I was willing to actually have another horrible fight, anything would be better than this aching silence.

I get lost in thought when Guzman leans in again, "Why isn't she here though? Did you try to talk to her?"

"Why should I? She's the one at fault here" I say furiously, raising my voice a little, turning some heads towards us, Lu eyes me from the front row, her eyes demanding silence.

"This isn't like Carla. That's why I'm asking." he blurs out while looking at the board.

"What do you mean?" I ask with curiosity. My brain shifting its attention towards what he was going to say next.

"Well, the Carla I know would've walked here like nothing happened, like she always does, she's cold and strong, she always keeps her composure. I've honestly never seen her do something so unusual since-"

"Since she confessed when she thought I was dead." I interrupt him, frustratingly angry at myself for just realizing it.

"Exactly, which means that you really got to her, she cares Samuel. And even if I'm never going to forgive her for what she did, it doesn't mean you should too, and it honestly doesn't make me feel good seeing you like this. That's why I'm telling you this" he admits.

"What are you saying exactly?" I say in confusion.

"Can't you see it? Carla cares about you. That's why she's not here." He says frsutratingly while looking straight ahead.

I lose the ability to speak, his words locked on my brain. Exhaling in a rush, I sink onto the chair then dropped my head into my hands. It's throbbing viciously, pounding front and back.

_What am I supposed to do now? I don't even know what to think._

Honestly, I always felt that Carla cared about me, but it all turned into another lie, she made me realize that during the trial. But I can't stop that little voice in my head telling me it could be more.

_Could it really be more? Is it possible that she might feel the same way?_

I swallow hard. "So what should I do?" I ask impatiently.

"That's on you man, I said what I said." The class bell rings, signaling the end of the session. Guzman packs his stuff and leaves me there hanging in silence, speechless and clueless on how to handle this. My heart hurt, my whole body shivering with fear.

I head to the front row and sit on a table, I pull my phone out and stare at her contact, considering whether I should call or not, _and what should I say If I did?_

I lift my head and spot Lu talking to Nadia next to the entrance of the room; I get an idea and run to her. I interrupt whatever they were saying and grab her by the arm.

"What the fuck Samuel? Look I like you but you're forcing it handsome." She says with a smile.

"Sorry Nadia, I need Lu for a second, It's important."

"It's fine, we were done here anyway!" she maliciously smirks while looking at Lu and leaves.

"That bitch!" Lu grunts and I lead her to the end of the hallway and into the boy's bathrooms.

"Oh now you're really forcing it, what the fuck is your problem?" She asks with frustration while looking around.

"I need you to call Carla! Now, like right now." I impatiently demand.

"Yep, I'm right. You're definitely forcing it, maybe that's why everyone is running the other way." She says sarcastically.

"I'm not in the mood for your jokes Lu, call her please, it's important." I was getting way to impatient. Close enough to snatch her phone and do it myself. But If I wanted that I could've just talked to her myself. But I wasn't ready yet.

"Why should I?"

"Isn't she your friend?" I ask frowning at her statement.

"Was my friend, if you haven't noticed since you two started fucking my best friend decided not to be my best friend anymore!" She says smiling but I can see the sadness in her eyes. In her voice too.

I put both hands on my face, rubbing it frantically, "Why would you think that has anything to do with me? And how did you even find out about us?"

"Really Samuel?" she snorts. I'm a little surprised; I thought Carla and I were discreet, aside from that night during the red party; I practically kissed her in front of everyone. But I had to, I was so drawn to her I just couldn't stay away, she turned the tables that night, breaking her walls for me and mine fell along the way.

"Okay fine but I had nothing to do with what happened between you two."

"Whatever, she was the one to start this." she lowers her head letting out a long sigh.

"Fine but just be the bigger person here, like you always are, she needs you. Look she hasn't been to school in more than a week now, what if she's really sick and-"

"No! She actually needs you, but you're too stubborn to see it." Lu picks up her phone and starts typing her password.

"Whatever just do it!" I say with relief, my eyes locked on the screen.

"Fine, I'm actually really worried too, I was already planning to call her today!"

"What the fuck Lu, then why didn't you just say yes?" I ask furiously.

"I kind of love making you angry, you get sexy as hell!" she blows me a kiss and puts the phone to her ear.

I sigh and pray for this to end soon. Leaning closer, I could hear the phone ringing and my pulse starts racing uncontrollably. "Put in on speaker!"

"What? No." She grunts while eying me.

"Lucrecia please, I just need to hear her voice." I bite my lips the second I let the words out, regretting being this vulnerbale. Because Lu is looking at me with soft eyes now.

She does as I say and we both wait for her to pick up. I have never felt this worried before, my hands are so sweaty and restless, and I can't stop fisting them. I do that a lot these days. My heart is raging in my chest, unbelievably afraid to hear his voice.

"Hello." Carla's voice comes out so low and sad, my heart sinks. What was worse was the pain I heard in the way she greeted Lu. I look at her with dreadful eyes.

"Hey, I'm just calling to check up on you, sorry I didn't call earlier." Carla doesn't respond. And the line is so quiet I touch the screen to see if it's still going. Lu quickly pulls the phone away from me, "Carla?" she asks with a frown.

"I'm fine." she says again even when her voice reveals that she's anything but.

"No you're not Carla, you sound sick. Is everything okay?" Lu protests angrily while watching me pacing back and forth next to her.

Silence hangs on the line between us.

"Would it make a difference if I said it wasn't?" she says again, making my heart twitch in my chest. I lift both my hands and shove them through my hair.

"Of course it would. Tell me what's wrong!"

"I'm fine, Lu. Really, I just need some time away." Carla's answer cuts right through me like a blade.

_Time away from me..._

I was frantic, to the point of wanting to grab the phone and telling her I loved and missed her so badly. Lu notices me so agitated and hands me the phone,

"Talk to her." She whispers silently. I look at the phone, then at her, my thoughts spinning out of control. I stay immobile and Lu shoves the phone at me with hard eyes.

I hesitantly take it from her hand and pull it closer to my face, debating what to say when I hear her voice again, "Anyway, thanks for calling Lu." I'm about to tell her that it's me when she speaks again with that sad tone. "I really appreciate it."

And she hangs up. I'm startled and overwhelmed. Hearing her say that breaking me even more.

"Well done, you idiot!"

"It's not my fault! I was going to talk. She hung up before I had the chance to say anything." I try to defend myself.

"Oh my god; didn't you hear her voice, she seemed devastated, no one dared to call and ask about her for days. She must feel left out. I can't believe I didn't call before." Lu rubs her forehead sadly feeling so disappointed in herself.

"We're not to blame." I say defensively.

"Well I am. Carla was always there for me, for all of us when we needed her. And what did we do?" she says while putting her phone in her purse, "Seriously Samuel, you don't know how Carla's like; she'd literally do anything for the people she loves. Really, anything."

"Yeah I saw that, she helped cover up a murder for Polo." I say studying her face.

"Yes, she also confessed it all for you; when she thought you were dead. That I didn't expect from her." She admits.

"Does it matter after she took it all back?" I turn around and stare at the mirror.

"Maybe that wasn't right, but I know Carla wouldn't go back on her words unless she really had to." She walks to stand behind me and looks at my reflection in the mirror; "I don't know what's going on in that head of yours but, you have to know that Carla chose you over Polo, and the Carla I know always puts Polo first. I've never seen her do anything like that to anyone else; I've also never seen her so scared than when she thought something had happened to you. Really Samuel, she was hopeless."

I take in a deep breath and close my eyes, trying to deny her words and stick to what I was doing before I heard Carla's voice today. I grab the ends of the sink with both hands, suddenly feeling so tired.

"It doesn't matter now." I say before I turn on the water splash it on my hot face.

"Keep telling yourself that. It won't shut that other voice in your head telling you otherwise. I know that for a fact." She blurs out and walks towards the door; she opens it and stops abruptly, she looks at me and says, "You have no idea what you're losing. And when you realize it, it'll be too late."

And she was gone.

My hands clench into fists again, I stare at myself in the mirror, lost between my heart and the rest of the world. My heart hurt a little more every day. It seemed impossible that it could take so much pain, but there was always more. I'd learned the day Carla told me she could see a future with me. I felt guilty for staying away, even though I knew I had good reason to. Maybe all she was needed was me to reach out to her and I didn't. I failed her and the realization of it tears me apart.

I hate that after everything I still want to run to her, because I miss her like crazy. How did I even survive this past week without seeing her? How can I survive the next if I don't see her?

I was actually planning on leaving town with my mother but, now that I'm sure I could forgive her and move on, there is no way I'm leaving Carla behind. I promised her that and I always keep my promises. I wasn't going to stop now. Especially when it comes to the girl I'm in love with.

I grab my bag and head for the door. I wasn't leaving but my mother was. I needed to convince her of it first, so I head for the entrance and go straight home.

_I can still make this right._

_I still haven't lost her._

_And she hasn't lost me either._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter inspired by the song: I miss you, I'm sorry by Gracie Abrams
> 
> "Thought you'd hate me  
> but instead you called and said I miss you."
> 
> The second episode started with a scene that inspired this while chapter, Carla sitting on the edge of her bed facing the window, eyes shiny and filled, sad and distant, her neckline displaying a beautiful necklace we got to see around her neck from then onward. THAT NECKLACE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE ABOUT THEM.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this one and don't hesitate to comment and give your thoughts.  
> With love,  
> A.


	5. 𝑺𝒆𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒅 𝒄𝒉𝒂𝒏𝒄𝒆𝒔 | 3x02 (Vol. 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Love slid warmly through me like the buzz of a fine wine and suddenly every good thing in life seemed possible now that he was touching me. I let out a shaky breath and feel his lips stretch lazily into a smile.
> 
> "Come back please." He whispers fervently against my skin then steps back and turns to leave. I stay rooted in place watching him walk away, his stride graceful and elegant, powerful even. My chest tightened with terrible yearning.
> 
> I loved him too much.
> 
> *Ratings: Sexual tension and that's all I'll say.

**_Carla_ **

I step outside my house and walk towards the pool, my thoughts and emotions mixing with each other, my heart twitching in my chest whenever he crossed my mind, grabbing one of my favorite books in hand, I walk past the pool house and stop for a bit, I stare at it and remember the warmth and peace I felt when he was with me, holding me close. I smile and play with his pendant while making my way to the sitting area under the big oak tree; I grab a seat and lose myself in the lines of every page.

As I flip the pages, I think of nothing but how unfair the world is, because even in this story, which seems so beautiful and happy at first, ends with murder and sadness. How unfair it is that the poor hero couldn't marry the love of his life because she was a girl with money. My chest tightened. That was exactly why I hated my family and what it represented.

I was empty. My feelings giving away nothing but despair and sadness. I had nothing left.

Every day I told myself I wasn't waiting on some sort of contact from Samuel, but when I crawled into bed at night, I cried myself to sleep because another day had ended without a word from him. I lost my appetite and slept a lot without feeling rested. I was in pain and nothing was vivid to me beyond that feeling of worry that throbbed through me constantly.

I focus on the lines and try to pull my thoughts away from him and everything else. I try to distract myself with someone else's pain instead of mine.

I suddenly sensed him. My whole body shivering in that intense way whenever I felt his eyes on me. I look up and find him standing at the far end of the backyard. He's wearing his school uniform which means he came straight from there. He lifts his hand and waves at me, the same way he did the other day when he snuck into the house at night.

_Why is here after everything I've done?_

He walks towards me slowly, I stay unmoving in my seat, my legs trembling with fear, and hope, god I couldn't believe I still had it in me. He reaches the table and looks down at me. "What are you reading?" he asks so casually.

I stare at him, my feelings a complete mess; I honestly didn't know what to think. He looks down at my book and raises his eyebrows. I couldn't help but smile. He always knows how to deter the conversation whenever he felt I couldn't handle it. Or just didn't want to.

I lift the side of my book to show him the cover. He titles his head to read the title looking absolutely adorable. I lick my lips when I see his reaction, "The Great Gatsby." I murmur while looking down at the pages.

"Not sure I like the ending." He says and roams around the table, his steps small and rythmic, his eyes never leaving my face.

"That's what I'm in the mood for." I answer curtly without looking at him, because doing so was just too painful. I still remember the way he looked at me during the hearing. As if he didn't know me. That day, he looked at me the same way he looked at Polo. That hurt worse than anything he ever told me.

"Bad endings?" He walks behind me, his hand slightly touching my shoulder. I had my back at him but I could still see he was doing it on purpose.

"Inevitable ones." I say now that he was standing next to me and I have to look up at him, his eyes are intense and playful. He was in a good mood. I was anything but. He reaches for my necklace and I swallow hard when he places it in his hand and squeezes my shoulder with the other. The back of my throat burned when I spoke again while staring at him, "Because sometimes you just can't forget the past."

A muscle in his jaw twitches before he unclenches it. He moves to stand in front of me and leans on the table so that our eyes are at the same level; his breath reaches my face when he speaks: "I think you got it wrong. That book is much more than that, it's about giving without expecting anything in return, it's about second chances, which is in fact why I'm here." I blink at his words before he orders firmly, "We need to talk."

"What's more to say? I think you made yourself very clear ever since the hearing. I haven't heard from you for over a week. You clearly had nothing to say. What changed?" I say angrily, he sighs and looks away.

"Fine if you don't want to talk then you'll just have to listen." He walks fast and gently pulls my chair back. I look around at him with confusion. "Walk with me; it'll make you feel better."

I stand up cursing inwardly. His mouth curves into a small smirk as he gently puts his hand at the small of my back. I shiver again and cross my arms, my body igniting with anticipation whenever he touched me. I sincerely didn't control myself when he was around, my hands would naturally reach for him; instinctively seeking his touch because I just couldn't get enough of him. I had to actually hold myself to prevent that. I loved him more than words could ever describe.

I step away and he puts his hands in the pockets of his pants, "You don't have to keep pretending. You can come back to class anytime." he says while staring ahead.

We walk alongside the pool and I discreetly check him out, I had missed looking at him so much, he was so handsome in his uniform, the colors matching him perfectly, Samuel dressed in a very different way, he aslo looked different than others, more at ease, more comfortable with himself, I loved that about him. My eyes study his body like a map; I look at the way he rolled the sleeves of his shirt and try to hide my smile, I then stare down at the bracelets that covered his hands, he actually loved to wear them all at once. 

He was just different, and he wasn't afraid to show it.

I bite my lips and look away quickly when my thoughts wander to what he looked like wihtout his clothes on. God, he was so handsome and strong, his body lean and muscular. I loved his embrace more than anything in the world. Loved how he wasn't afraid to touch me. Whenever he did I felt cherished and loved.

I smile and respond with a cold tone, "I don't need your permission."

"I know. But don't do it for me." He says but he has no idea that everything I ever did was for him. Everything I ever do.

"I'm sick of you saying what I want to hear and then double-crossing me later." I shoot back angrily. He always knew how to play with my head. "What is it that you want now Samuel?"

"I want you to come back. Because it's all over."

He tells me about how everyone is moving on from Marina's murder. How even Guzman is forgiving Polo and trying to forget. I didn't know what to think. I just stared ahead. He also talks of how he doesn't want to keep losing everyone, "Look all the people I care about keep leaving me. Even my mom's gone." He says with a sad tone.

I stop abruptly and stare at him, "You and Guzman started too much shit and everything is just still the same."

He moves closer shaking his head, "No, not everything."

"What changed?" I say hopelessly, because I sure as hell couldn't see it. I lost him and he knows it. We still didn't have each other.

"You and me." He shoots back. His eyes pleading with mine, I hold on for a minute, losing myself in the color of his eyes.

"You and me what?" I ask my eyes already stinging with tears. "What you and me Samuel? There is no us." I say and I don't even believe myself.

He looks down at the necklace again and I do the same, we both stay silent, our minds taking us back to happy times, memories of us together, I couldn't help but hold the ring tightly in my hand.

We both look up at the same time. His eyes were a sea of words, I saw remorse there, sadness, hope and love. So much love. I knew he was thinking about the other night. It seemed like a dream now, as if it never really happened. I could almost believe that I'd made it up in a desperate delusion, so hungry for his touch and his love that I couldn't go another minute without giving my mind relief from the madness of wanting and craving. If it weren't for his gift and picture on my phone, I wouldn't know what was real and what was nothing but false hope. Because this roller-coaster ride we were on was either going to break us, or heal us.

He steps closer, "So let's change that, I don't want to lose you too" he says sincerely.

He slowly moves his face inches from mine, he stares at my lips and I can't help but stay motionless, I breathe him in and wait for the feel of them, my eyes closed with fear. Samuel slowly directs his mouth towards my cheek and kisses me there softly, taking his time.

I grip my arms tighter when he doesn't move away, I knew then that there was more to it, because this somehow felt much more intimate than if he actually kissed me on the mouth.

It feels pure. Real. Honest.

Love slid warmly through me like the buzz of a fine wine and suddenly every good thing in life seemed possible now that he was touching me. I let out a shaky breath and feel his lips stretch lazily into a smile.

"Come back please." He whispers fervently against my skin then steps back and turns to leave. I stay rooted in place watching him walk away, his stride graceful and elegant, powerful even. My chest tightened with terrible yearning.

_I loved him too much._

**_Samuel_ **

I'm sitting on a table in class waiting for the next session, I'm staring at my phone and debating whether to call her or not. She's still not here. _Why isn't she here?_

I couldn't sleep last night after visiting Carla; I kept rolling in bed the whole night, thinking about every word she said, she sounded so hopeless and unsure of herself. As if she doubted that we could actually make this work. She mostly doubted that I was sincere.

_How more could I fuck this up?_

I kick myself every time I remember her voice that day when Lu and I called her.

I wish I could turn back time; I would've done things so differently. But it was pointless now, I needed to look ahead, find a way to gain back her trust. My phone rings in my hand and I jump hoping it's her, I frown at Guzman's picture and look up and around, I realize now that he also didn't attend the first class. That's not like him. I stand up and walk outside, still looking at my phone, I wonder what he wants. I'm about to answer when I raise my head and find her, she walks past me and heads for her locker.

_She's back._

The pull I felt drew me across the hall in long, quick strides, moving towards her fast, forgetting about Guzman and the rest of the world. I lean against the wall and whisper happily, "You're back!"

She doesn't look at me as I study her face; she still seems sad, her eyes refusing to meet mine, her golden hair falling gracefully around her delicate face, accentuating those forest green eyes I could spend hours staring at. My hands tingled with the urge to touch her so I flex them restlessly at my sides.

Carla still refused to look at me. Her eyes constantly avoiding mine, which made me determined to put a smile on her face, "I have the world's best reheated macaroni at home," I say and gently push her hair behind her ear, needing every connection I could manage. "When are you coming over for lunch?" I smile as I glance at my necklace around her neck. I felt proud and overwhelmed whenever I saw her wearing it, because that meant she believed in us as much as I did. And I would never give up on her as long as she wore it.

Carla finally glances upward, her lips pursed and sad. Her eyes piercing mine, speaking words her mouth couldn't form. She looked at me like it been years since the last time we were this close, her eyes drowning me in a feeling I couldn't describe. Like doubt and disbelief.

My mouth was suddenly dry and my heartbeat too quick. "Carla I... Joder!" I curse as my phone starts ringing in my hand and I look down at Guzman's call. I refuse it and look up to find her gone; she passes me without uttering a single word. I look down in total confusion because I honestly had no idea what to do.

I swallow hard and turn to look at her, my heart breaking more and more as she steps further away from me. I watch her leave me and wonder if it will ever hurt less. She stops abruptly and starts talking to the new guy.

I heard he's loaded and was an old student here. I had nothing against him until now.

I frown and grip my phone tightly as I watch him smile down at the most precious thing in my life, my hands clench with jealousy, the thought of her smiling at him instead of me burning through me. I try to control my heartbeat and make my way towards them.

She swiftly stops me mid step, reassuring me by moving past him and leaving him hanging there looking like a complete idiot. I look at the poor guy's face and recall times where I stood there just like him, unable to get over how stunning and unpredictable she was.

A big smile settles on my face, my possessiveness taking control over me, Carla was mine and I intended to make it clear to everyone. I needed to get my girl back, because I was clearly having competition now, and I didn't like that idea.

I shift my attention back to my phone ringing again, still smiling at the thought of her. That little joy I felt faded as soon as I answered, because Guzman's voice is panicked and enraged, he speaks fast and tells me about what he's done to Polo and I lose the ability to think straight.

"What did you do?" I ask trembling with fear. I hang up and head for the door quickly. Guzman needed me more now, and I was going to be there for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter inspired by the song: You broke me first by Tate McRae
> 
> 'you could say you miss all that we had   
> but i don’t really care how bad it hurts   
> when you broke me first'
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this chapter. It's obviously just scenes we've already seen but I added in some missing details. I'll be posting the next chapter soon and trust me, it'll be angsty. Don't hesitate to comment and give your thoughts and ideas.  
> With love,  
> A.


	6. 𝑳𝒐𝒗𝒆𝒓𝒔 𝒍𝒊𝒆 | 3x02 (Vol. 3)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> His eyes only seemed to be seeing me. Wherever we were, no matter when. Samuel always managed to make me feel like I was the only one in the room. That I was the center of his attention whenever our eyes met. And once they did, we just couldn't look away.
> 
> It was one of the things I loved about him, about us. One of the ways I knew we were meant to be. The connection we had, it was soul-deep.
> 
> Happiness came in so many forms. Mine was Samuel.
> 
> *Ratings: mature  
> *Additional tags: Heartbreak, angst, flirty samucarla? idk all of these...

**_Samuel_ **

Cold water drops burned my overheated skin, the sting chasing away the terrifying feeling clinging to me from this nightmare I couldn't believe I had to endure. I came back home and went straight into the shower, letting the water wash away the shocking memories I went through today. I honesty never imagined I would live something as brutal as seeing my friend, someone I came to really care about, lose control this completely.

Guzman truly lost it. He forcefully held Polo and tied him up. He tried to make him confess using violence. I honestly can't say I haven't been violent towards Polo but I sure as hell never came to the point of being that cruel. God knows I regretted it every time I hit him. But Guzman is suffering much more than I am; his sister was murdered at the age of 17. She died too young and too soon, and he couldn't do anything about it.

Trying to take my mind off this, I doze off and think of something good. I think of her.

Rememberuing her face from earlier today; I curse under my breath and hit the wall with both hands. Carla was still reeling. I could see she was scared , so was I. But I still wanted us and I just couldn't believe she still chose to live another day without me. It shattered me.

Worse was the fact that I didn't care, since I had no intention of letting her go, I will have to find another way to make up for the fact that I was such a fucking mess ever since she left me. Ever since I played her.

My whole body starts to shiver, I switch the water temperature to a warmer degree and step deeper into the spray, hoping that this horrible feeling I had in my gut would go away. A shiver racked me again and my thoughts immediately shift to her.

I try to calm myself by thinking of her, placing my palms flat against the cool tile, I remember when she came knocking at my door one day, her hands covering her adorable face, trying to smooth her way so lovingly, but she had no idea she was already settled in the deepest corners of my mind. And neither did I.

Pressing my forehead against the wall, I smile uncontrollably and absorb the warmth I felt just by allowing her to invade my thoughts. She chased the nightmares away. Replaced them with dreams of a future together. I felt calm instantly, peace spreading through me like the warm drops of water falling around me.

I quickly wash my body and taking away the sticky sweat that clung to me. I take my time and enjoy the feel of the water on my body. After I finish, I head to my bedroom; I put on only my boxers feeling too warm to wear anything else, then I grab my phone and sit on my drafting table.

Picking my pencil from where I had left it, I sigh and trace lines without order. I groan when my hands stutter, still shaky and unsteady from the tension I was still having. I slam the pencil hard against the table and move my hands through my hair, breathing harshly, my legs trembling with agitation.

I lean back in my chair and try to relax, I spin in place and go in circles that make my head dizzy, so I stop abruptly and grab my phone without thinking, I don't register my actions before I had dialied her number and already listen to the ring of the call in my ear.

My mind was racing as I wait for her to pick up, my heartbeat tuning crazed with anticipation, my ears aching to hear her throaty voice, I could almost hear it in my head, I wait and I wait without getting bored. But there is no response so I hang up and text her.

_Call me when you see this. I need to hear your voice._

_Carla?_

_Please?_

_i know it's late. But i can't sleep._

_i need you._

I wait for what seems to be an eternity. Moving over to my bed, I crash hard making the whole thing tremble under my weight. I press my face in the pillow and groan, my heart hurting so much. I wish she was here. I stare at my phone hopelessly, waiting for her to reach out to me and drag me out of this nightmare. I end up falling into one as I lose myself in deep sleep.

My world was dark and the light was just too far away.

I wake up the next morning with a terrible headache, my head a beating drum. I check my phone as soon as I get out of bed. Hoping for a text or a missed call I would beat myself over for not answering. I press my lips together when I find nothing, losing my excitement for the day. I get dressed and leave the house in minutes, I get on my bike and speed up down the street, taking it all out on the old thing, I drive fast and recklessly, getting angrier and angrier at her for ignoring me, for putting a wedge between us, for pushing me hard. Too hard.

_I can't live without her, why can't she see it?_

I reach the school and spot her walking towards the main entrance, I park my bike quickly and run after her, I go inside, looking around frantically until and spot her walking down the far end of the hall, and out of all the people I somehow only saw her, walking distinctively in the crowd, her golden hair shining from afar.

She turns a corner and I decide to meet her on the opposite side, so I sprint as fast as I can, bumping into people on the way, until I'm out of breath by the time I reach the other hall, I stop and hide at the far side, waiting for her patiently. I wait for her to come out and make my day better, because only the sight of her is enough for me to feel better about the rest of the day.

Carla finally comes to view on the far end of the hall; she walks towards me looking around without spotting me, her face is calm and impassive, her thoughts clearly far away from here. I prayed for them to be filled with me. Only me. Only us.

I spot her phone in her hand and quickly grab mine from my pocket, I text her fast, typing hysterically.

_I had a shitty day yesterday._

_I need to be with you._

_Wait for you after class?_

I look up and wait for her reaction. Her phone vibrates in her hand and her stride automatically slows, she walks haltingly and leans against a window, her eyes fixed on her phone, she takes her time reading my desperate messages. I look down at my phone and wait for her answer.

I raise my head again in time to see her smile? I'm standing a little too far and I hate myself for not being closer to her, but it's impossible to miss the way she looks up and around, her eyes turning soft and dreamy, her mouth twisting into an adorable shape, she bites her lips and my heart is already ready to come out of my chest.

I smile and don't even need her to respond anymore. Because even though she didn't reward me with her miraculous words, I somehow saw them on her features. Carla wants us as much as I do. She's in this too. And I just couldn't be happier.

I turn around and head for class. I laugh silently and bring my hands to my face. My world was already brighter, looking just as beautiful as she was.

The first class goes by fast, I don't register a word from whatever is being said, my eyes fixed on her profile as she sat on my right, two rows ahead. She can't see me which grants me the check to look at her all I want.

She slowly stares down, her hair falling around her face hiding it from me. I lean in, tilting my head curiously, she lifts her hand smoothly and elegantly, brushing her hair behind her ear, she then brings it down to her neck and my heart jumps in my chest. She plays with my necklace innocently, her eyes looking up and around, searching for me. I put my fingers on my lips and wait for her to turn around.

Carla slowly looks back at me and I don't hold back, I don't even try to pretend I wasn't looking, I honestly didn't care about showing her I was head over heels in love, in love with everything about her.

Her gaze finds mine and lasts. She hold on and I pierce her with my eyes, hers charmingly making their way to my eyebrows, then cheek bones, and I'm already losing my mind by the time they reach my lips. She looks at me so fiercely I could almost feel her lips against mine, I close my eyes feeling her all over.

When I open them again she is already looking ahead, her hands both pressed tightly together on the table, playing with her golden rings. Nervously.

I let out a long sigh and play with my hands the same way. Already waiting impatiently for this session to end so I could get her to talk to me again.

The class bell rings at last and everyone starts moving around the room, we had about ten minutes before the next class. I stand and walk towards Carla when suddenly Guzman grabs me by the arm.

"Can we talk for a second?" he asks his eyes red and haunted.

"Can't this wait till later?" I say while looking at Carla.

"It won't take long." He drags me to the class entrance and leans against the door. I make sure I face Carla first before leaning against it as well, refusing to let her out of my sight. "I'm sorry about yesterday. I lost control. I apologize for dragging you into it." He says sadly looking away.

"I'm glad you called me, I can't think of what would've happened if I hadn't been there." I say with relief. "But I know you weren't going to do anything. No matter how angry you were, you wouldn't have done anything to him. I know it."

"Still, I fucked up, bad. I wish I could take it back." He says and slams his hand against the wall.

"Look I get it. I'm always angry too; it's like there's this feeling of rage and hate that just won't leave me. I only seem to let go of it when I..."I lose my voice from the burn in my throat, my words dying on my lips, I instantly look at her; she's sitting at the last table of the row. Alone again. Playing with her hair or tablet. Distracting herself with anything that could make her forget the pain of being left out. My heart twists in my chest. Guzman follows my gaze and smiles.

"Look man, if you still think you got a chance..." he says, his eyes moving from Carla to Nadia who's busy on her phone, then turns back to me and taps my shoulder, "If you think you still have a chance, go for it." He says with compassion, I smile at him and nod. I really felt sorry for him, he lost Nadia too. And he looked hopeless enough to make me realize they might not make it. I wish they could work it out.

"If I can still fight for her, then so can you." I shake his hand and tap on it with my own.

He chuckles silently, "Thanks man, I really appreciate it."

We hug and tap on each other's backs. We seperate quickly when we hear clapping, we turn around at the same time to find Lu, she walks towards us with a smile on her face.

"I never thought I'd see this day." She approaches us while we both try to hold our smiles. "Really guys, I'm so happy you two became friends."

"Me too." Guzman speaks and I laugh. I then look in Carla's direction and my smile fades slowly. Lu stands beside me and notices me staring.

"What are you still doing here?" she speaks eagerly. "Go talk to her."

"I'll see you guys." I smile and turn away then head straight for Carla. I stop by her table unexpectedly and she jumps a little. She looks up and I smile. I lean on the table bringing myself closer to her.

My eyes study her freely, admiring her casual outfit, she looked elegant and rich even in the basic school usniform, she gave it value, as she did to everything she touched, made it all look beautful, matching her charm and beauty. I grin as soon as I take in the smell of her perfume, my mind addicted to it.

"I don't know what's prettier, the fact that you're still wearing the necklace," I say with a smile, "or the way you were looking at me earlier while holding it."

Carla's cheeks turn red while she looks down, her lips curving slightly; she opens her tablet and tries to avoid my gaze.

I lean closer, "Probably both. I'll wait for you after school." I whisper against her hair, taking in the sweet fruity smell of her shampoo, I sigh heavily and straighten up. "I'll wait for you." I promise her and move to my seat. I sit down and watch her whole body tense, she restlessly crosses her legs and holds her face in her hand looking out the window, trying to hide a smile I already knew was decorating her soft lips.

**_Carla_ **

I can't stop thinking about his texts, my mind stuck on his words, he needed me and I wanted to be there for him. But how could I after my conversation with my father yesterday.

I still couldn't believe I had to endure the same fear again, that soul deep feeling that ate at me whenever I thought I would lose him, just like I did Christian. My father wasn't a normal parent; he was forceful and authoritative, fearful and controlling, and dangerous. Jesus I feared him more than anyone in my life. What he did to Christian still made my skin crawl. I was terrified of him doing the same to Samuel.

He made it clear yesterday that he would if he ever saw him near me, my dad thought Samuel controlled me, he thought he was using me to get what he wanted, he had no idea that whatever I did towards Samuel what out of love, because I loved him. So much.

_He's not good for you and it won't be good for him if I ever see him near you._

His threat was as clear as the light of the day. Spoken calmly but intentionally. He wanted to scare me, to make me keep my distance from Samuel at any cost. But was that even possible when he was this close to me? And I wanted him. All the time. It never stops. I'm never not thinking about him.

I was happy we were in the same class, it gave me the chance to see him every day, it also afforded me the pleasure of looking at him. Whenever I could, I would just glance at him from afar, observe and admire his actions. Memorize his features and stunning face.

And he looked at me too, more than I looked at him, I couldn't count the amount of times I found him staring at me, his eyes not afraid of mine, and whenever our eyes met, he would hold contact, not looking away unless I did. And maybe even if I did.

Samuel was a passionate lover, he gave himself to me completely and wanted me to do the same; trust him with my safety and happiness, and I knew he would cherish it. He worshiped me and what we had.

He bared himself to me and captivated me along the way.

I look at my hands and try to think of what to do. I smile recalling the way he said he'd wait for me, his eyes determined and serious, promising me happy moments together, alone and away from everyone. Eating macaroni and laughing at each other's jokes. We were so vulnerable when we were together, we allow our walls to fall easily, trusting each other without second thought.

I sigh with excitement, feeling some of the fearful hesitation easing. I turn around and look at him briefly, choosing him over everyone else, Samuel proved he was ready for anything to have me back and I was ashamed of the possibility that I'd pushed him to evolve while I had remained obstinately the same. I pick my phone and text him.

_Carla: Wait for me._

I watch him with the corner of my eye as he picks his phone, no longer afraid to admit that I needed him to a degree some would consider unhealthy. He was worth fighting for and I was now ready to fight for him, I will protect him from my father and everything else, I had to be stronger. Smarter. Scarier.

We had enemies, and Samuel was dealing with them on his own. It was innate to him to be protective; it was one of his traits I deeply admired. He was strong but wasn't intimidating. I had to be the one to bring that side to him. I have to start showing people that he could be as intimidating as I was. More important, I had to prove it to myself. And together, we would be unbreakable.

I see him grinning at my text, his happiness spreading all over his face, a warm feeling stretches through me, the fact I could make him this happy with just a few words humbling me. I jolt with anticipation when my phone vibrates in my hand.

_Samuel: nothing could keep me away._

I laugh despite myself and stare back at him; he gives me a look that made my toes curl. At the same time, my heart squeezed in my chest at the thought of my father; I forced back the lingering fear, shoving it into a corner where I would deal with it later.

We finished our classes of the day and I stopped by my locker to put my books there, my heart racing with emotion and excitement whenever I remembered he was waiting for me, I slam my locker shit and walk fast towards the main entrance, I step outside under the warm sun of spring, the air smelling fresh and clean despite the number of students walking in and out.

I walk down the stairs and spot him instantly, sitting on a bench on the opposite side of the parking lot, his hands nervously running up and down his legs, his eyes rooming around the area, eager to catch a glimpse of me.

He then looks in my direction and stills; his ghost of a smile making my pulse skip. He stands up quickly pulling his backpack with him, his eyes fixing me in place. I smiled of course, unable to hide away my enthusiasm.

His eyes only seemed to be seeing me. Wherever we were, no matter when. Samuel always managed to make me feel like I was the only one in the room. That I was the center of his attention whenever our eyes met. And once they did, we just couldn't look away.

It was one of the things I loved about him, about us. One of the ways I knew we were meant to be. The connection we had, it was soul-deep.

Happiness came in so many forms. Mine was Samuel.

I take a step and glance to my right and stop dead in my tracks.

I spot my father looking straight at us, leaning against his car, his face hard and emotionless. I try to swallow but my mouth turned dry, I look helplessly around me, at a loss for what to do.

Samuel's eyes narrowed at me, he stepped closer in my direction and my stomach dropped, a violent shiver moving through me. My brain was trying to process what was happening, what it meant, what would happen if he reached me and touched me, kissed me. It wasn't out of the equation after I encouraged him earlier.

The blood was roaring in my ears. My heart was pounding with something like terror. I look around and that new guy passes by me looking down at his phone, I jump at him grabing his arm tightly, something I could never have done, but given what I stood to risk, I just went with it.

It was all an act and I would explain that to Samuel later.

"Oh hey. I'm in." I say nervously. "I do feel like collecting my prize, or I guess I should at least try." Yeray smiles down at me his eyes sparkling; he apparently likes me because I helped him years ago get through a rough phase in his life. He wanted me and I thought he could be a good distraction for my father. I hated myself for that but had no choice but to use him. I grab his phone and type in my number, "Text me okay?" I say and glance at Samuel discreetly, his face is grim and confused, his hand fisting his backpack. 

Yeray immediately accepts, "Would you like to come with me to my company's start-up party?"

I'm still looking at Samuel not even hearing what he was saying, "Okay okay, I don't know what you're saying but fine. Just text me." I say honestly. Wanting to leave fast before Samuel decides to join us. He looked mad and hurt. God, I didn't want him to feel that way, not after seeing him so happy this morning.

I leave and walk fast towards the car. I hesitate while opening the door; I lean in and look back at Samuel, my eyes pleading with him. He stayed rooted in place, his eyes hard and furious.

_I will explain everything to you, I promise._

We drive away, leaving him standing there. I'm looking out the window trying to avoid my father and his angry stares. He understood it all, he knew I was going to go to him, he was sure of it.

"I see you didn't take my words seriously." He says while looking at the road.

"I'm here aren't I?" I shoot back.

"Because I was there." I take in a deep breath trying to calm myself.

"You will not reach him." I say looking at him with furious eyes.

"No. You will not reach him." He says evenly. "I won't be held responsible for my actions otherwise." I'm about to speak when my phone starts ringing. I reach for it quick but my dad snatches it before me. He looks at the screen and curses fiercely. "See? He's calling you."

I look at my phone with pleading eyes, "Please, give me the phone." I beg.

He parks the car fast the side of the road and turns the engine off. He turns to face me and says, "Look, I'm only going to say this once. You will stay away from him. Or I swear to God, he'll end up worse than the other lowlife." His eyes are shilling when he continues, "It won't be that hard, you know that. A simple hit and run accident again and he'll be gone, and since he only has a bike, his chances of surviving will not be-"

"Stop, stop. Okay fine, I'll do it just please stop talking." I break and tears slide down my face like raindrops.

Samuel wouldn't stop calling. "I need you to answer and tell him something that would never make him look your away again." I close my eyes, my heart breaking.

"He's not that easy to convince." I knew Samuel all too well.

"I don't want you to convince him. I want you to hurt him. Badly." He hands me the phone. I catch it with trembling hands and sob uncontrollably. "Get it together and do it now, Carla. And put the speaker on."

I narrow my eyes at him and wipe my tears; I gather my courage and answer, doing as he says, my mind racing as I think of what to say. "Carla? What the hell happened? Are you okay?" he sounds concerned and frantic. Another tear slides down my face; he was hurt but still thought about my safety.

"How does it feel?" I say squeezing the phone tightly.

"What? I don't understand." he responds with confusion.

"How does it feel to be the one left behind?" I bit out with a cold tone. "Not so good is it?"

"What the fuck are you talking about? What is this?" he says rising his voice.

"This is the end of the game." I firmly say. "I started this, I let you play with me the way you wanted, I even let you win. But I also wasn't done playing. Not until now." 

_It wasn't a game. It was real. It still is._

"Are you serious?"

"When was I ever not, you played me and I played you. End of story." I say coldly. My voice sounding nothing like mine.

"Tit for that?" he says angrily.

"Yes." I whisper swallowing hard.

I hear his breath catch, then a harsh sound of something being smashed hard. I tense in my seat and put a hand on my mouth to muffle the sob that escaped it. Then there was a horrible silence, I could hear the buzzing in my ears.

I start panting and wait for him to say something again.

"Are we done?" he asks in a low pained voice. My heart shatters. I look at my dad grining and looking ahead. I fist my hand tight and close my eyes.

"Yes." I manage at last, my voice breaking. "We're done."

He hangs up and a horrible sound escapes me. I cry and throw my phone away. My dad turns the car on and drives; not giving a single care about how I felt. He drives as if I wasn't even next to him. I curl into the seat, sobbing silently, realizing he might actually have believed it.

I couldn't stop thinking about how he must be feeling now, but I also knew he would understand if I explained everything to him. And I intended to. As soon as I saw him.

I close my eyes and pray for tomorrow to come sooner, so I could reassure him that my love for him is stronger than anything else.

Our love, I correct myself.

**_Samuel_ **

I arrive home and find Rebe waiting for me in front of the building. She's sitting on the steps looking sad and perturbed. I approach her closely and ask her to come inside. I change into a simple shirt and jeans and join her in the living room. I try to forget how my heart is aching, my blood burning in my veins. I focus on her and wonder why she looked so devastated. I presume maybe it's because she thinks I'm alone after my mother left.

"Hey, I'm fine now. I have a roommate and it's all good. Don't worry about me." I say while looking at her shedding tears. "Are you okay? What's wrong?"

"Life just flies by Samu, and we're thinking we'll live a long time." I narrow my eyes, confused. "I don't want to regret doing what I want to before it's too late."

I swallow past the lump in my throat as I think of Carla, hours before she could've been the one next to me now. I close my eyes fighting tears. I needed to forget about her. She never loved me. It was all just a game.

"Then do it." I say my voice a little too loud, too angry. "Whatever it is you want to do. Just do it."

I don't register her movements before she kisses me hard. I don't move, I stay frozen in place. My heart hurting more now. I squeeze my fists and hate myself for kissing someone that wasn't Carla. I feel awful when she pulls back and looks at me with sad eyes.

"Okay. I jumped in the pool and there was no water. It's fine. It happens sometimes. No; it actually happens to me all the time." She says looking down.

I breathe in and out and think of Carla. I remember her cold voice and her shattering words. My heart sinks when I realize that no it's actually me; I was the one who jumped into a pool with no water. I was too angry at her. I wanted to make her feel as bad as I felt.

"No. Not all the time." I say moving fast before I regret it. I kiss her back and grip her face in my hand. Flashes of me kissing Carla spring to life in my head. I pull away biting my lips, regretting it already.

She quickly grabs my hair pulling me close. I shiver as I go through motions of how it felt when it was Carla doing it. She kisses me and all I'm thinking about is Carla.

I kiss Rebe. But only feel Carla.

I couldn't explain it, but as horrible and hopeless as I felt, I still loved her like crazy.

And I waited for her. She just chose not to come.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter inspired by the song: guardin - red light (prod. by hateful)
> 
> 'Lost inside this stupid fuckin' head of mine  
> Thinkin' 'bout the words 'cause you hella fine  
> Runnin' through my veins like you're Alcoline  
> Dodgin' all my texts, baby, that's a sign'
> 
> Okay, Samuel jumping in Rebe's arms that easily after telling Carla he was in love with her, who fucking wrote that? OH wait... THE ELITE WRITERS. Well fuck that, i feel like they just wanted to ruin carmuel anyway they can and just threw that in our faces, so i wanted to change that and still make work in a way that would actually make sense? Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter and if you have any comments please don't hesitate, i'd love to read them.  
> With love and gratitude,  
> A.


	7. 𝑩𝒓𝒐𝒌𝒆𝒏 𝑷𝒊𝒆𝒄𝒆𝒔 | 3x03 (Vol. 1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lu surprisingly trails off and I look up at her with sad eyes before she continues, "Serious. Seeing you like this, I mean I don't really know what I expected but, you really care about him don't you?"
> 
> "I love him." I say instantly and open my eyes in time to see her eyebrows rise in surprise, "So much."
> 
> I sit up and another tear slides down my face, she reaches for it slowly with her thumb.
> 
> "I don't know what to say." She honestly admits.
> 
> *Ratings: mature  
> *Additional tags: friendship, girl talk, heartbreak and a lot of crying...

**_Carla_ **

I hardly slept that night. I tossed and turned, drifting in and out of consciousness. I felt like time didn't pass by fast enough, I wanted tomorrow to come already, so I can explain myself to him, my father kept an eye on me all day, I couldn't risk reaching out to Samuel now, not until I saw him face to face.

But I couldn't stop myself from grabbing my phone and staring at his contact, my fingers flexing restlessly and my grip tightening on the phone, I pull myself up and lean against the headboard of the bed, sitting in an agonized daze and wondering if it was right to talk to him now.

I end up texting him instead.

_Carla: Can we talk please?_

_There's something you should know._

_Call me._

I wait for him to answer for a couple hours before my tired eyes surrender and I doze off. Closing my eyes; I remember the past few days, feeling a spark of hope burst inside me at the thought of him, Samuel hadn't given up on us when I thought most that he would, he struggled with himself but still forgave me for everything I've done.

It was my turn now and I wasn't planning on giving up anytime soon.

Samuel and I were struggling. But we both have not given up yet.

Tomorrow was going to be a new day for us.

I wake up the next morning and get dressed quickly; I go over my morning routine fast and head downstairs to have breakfast. I wanted to leave as soon as possible, so I eat fast, grab my purse and head for the door.

"I'm taking you to school today and every other day until I change my mind." My father who was still taking his time reading his paper stops me mid-step as I reach the front door.

"It's fine, the driver can take me." I say decisively.

"I said I will. Plus, it's still early so come finish your breakfast." He commands before taking a sip of his coffee.

I let out a deep sigh and sit on the stairs by the door. "I'm done eating."

"Then wait for me in the car."

Cursing under my breath, I frustratingly stand up and step outside slamming the door so hard, the expensive glass decorating it almost broke into pieces. I hated my dad for so many reasons. He always knew how to make my temper rise, his calm composure and unsettling words never failed to get a certain reaction out of me. He was a master of manipulation. I've honestly always known I got that from him. I also wanted to be like him, he was my role model for so many years, I admired his work ethic and utmost control, yet I never imagined it would be this frustrating to have all that negative energy focused on making my life miserable.

I lean against the car instead because I needed the fresh air, breathing in and out and try to calm myself. He finally steps out of the house and walks towards me very calmly which only fuels my anger even more.

"Do I have to remind you of what we talked about yesterday?" he asks in a cold tone.

"No. There's no need."

"Are you sure?"

I stare deep into his eyes and step closer to him. "Yes. Can we go now?"

He gestures to the car and I settle in the front seat, looking out the window while clenching my hands in my lap until we reach Las Encinas, I quickly step out of the car slamming the door shut without looking back and head straight for the stairs, I try to look as composed as I can be right now all the way to the main doors. I look back and watch him leaving the parking lot and only then do I pull my phone out of my purse and look at the bike's section while dialing Samuel's number, trying to figure out if he was already here, I sigh when he doesn't pick up and step inside the main hall.

God I have to find him fast.

"Pick up! Samuel please pick up!" I mumble as I make my way towards his locker. He clearly wasn't here yet; I curse harshly and go to the main hall where I find Lu and Valerio in the corner, clearly arguing over something. I walk towards them.

"Hey!" I greet them softly, more like hesitantly taking them both by surprise.

Lu immediately stops talking and looks at me: "Hola cariño, thank God you're here; the day couldn't have started in a worse way." She complains while looking at Valerio.

"I can't say mine's better." I smile sympathetically at him.

"Welcome to the club then." He says looking tired and lacking sleep.

"Are you okay? You look very pale." I ask with worry.

"That's what you get when you have drugs for breakfast." Lu sarcastically points out. "Have you at least figured out a place to stay?"

"That's none of you business!"

"Why? What's going on?" I ask in confusion.

"Nothing." Valerio interferes angrily and walks away from his worried sister.

"For fuck's sake, Valerio." She screams after him before he disappears in the crowd. Lu sighs heavily and I reach out for her hand.

"I'm sorry I wasn't there for you!" I say in a sad tone.

"Me too. But that changed right? We're good?"

"Yeah, we are." I smile and hug her tightly. "I miss you."

"Me too you bitch!" We both laugh and let go of each other. I couldn't stop myself before asking.

"Have you seen Samuel?" she narrows her gaze at me.

"You two are back?" I smile noticing the little sound of excitement in her voice.

"No yet but I'm planning on changing that."

"Ugh finally. You two are way too stubborn." She snorts out and I laugh.

"We're working on it." I slowly whisper while looking around.

We suddenly hear our phones buzzing at the same time; we frown and quickly check them. God, there was another tweet about Polo, I press a hand on my forehead as I read it and look at Lu, she twists her mouth before looking at me.

"Do you know who's doing this?" she asks and I shake my head.

Then in a matter of seconds the whole space gets crowded with students, all staring at their phones and murmuring insults and comments on Polo. The buzzing and whisper get louder with each passing second, my head about to explode.

I turn my head to the right and spot him. Samuel was also looking at his phone while walking towards us, Rebecca on his side, he looks distant and troubled as he passes by without seeing me and joins Guzman on the opposite side of the hall. I stay rooted in place, my eyes locked on him as he leans against his locker and starts talking to him cautiously, Rebecca still on their side. He looks up after a moment and finds me; not wasting a second to look away instantly, avoiding to meet my eyes and even ignoring me as if I wasn't there.

Lu notices his cold reaction and whispers in my ear, "Okay what was that?"

"It's fine, I'll tell you later." I say nervously. I honestly was trembling with fear, my heart shattering with the possibility of losing him again. He was clearly hurt, really bad.

Polo chooses that moment to appear. He looks around confused and anxious, Cayetana was by his side, holding his hand firmly, I quite hated her but also was grateful for her. She was there for him when I couldn't. She made him feel safe. I wanted Polo to be happy even after everything he's done. He honestly didn't deserve this.

My heart hurt more for him. Seeing him like this, so agitated and insecure, it broke my heart.

We all stare at him as he stands in the middle of the room; Cayetana takes his hand quickly and pulls him away. We all watch them walk away and look at each other.

I lock my phone and lift my head to look for Samuel again. And then my world stopped. I blink several times, unable to register what was in front of me, or maybe unable to believe what what I was seeing with my own eyes. And yet, I watch Rebecca wrap her hands around Samuel's tie as she pulls him closer to press a kiss on his lips. Swallowing hard, I grip Lu's arm fast to stop myself from falling, my eyes were blurry and my throat was dry.

"Is that also supposed to be fine?" she asks in confusion.

I start breathing hard, my whole body shaking while staring directly at them and I almost sob when I watch Samuel kiss her back, grabing her by the nape and gently pulling her close. I had to suck in a deep breath to keep myself from losing consciousness, the sight of them sending a shiver of revulsion down my spine.

They slowly break apart and hold hands while making their way to class. My head spins as did everything else around me, I turn around shakily and walk slowly with no direction. The bell signaling the start of classes was the only sign making me realize where I was.

"Carla wait, where are you going?" Lu's voice sounds so far away I barely think I heard it. I press my hand flat over my heart, almost feeling it lose its beat and vibrancy, quickenning my steps and running fast towards the bathrooms. I step inside fast; stumbling against someone who was leaving and falling hard on the ground.

"Sorry!" I hear the girl say before she leaves. I look at the ground aimelessly, lost and unmoving. I just stay there, my vision turning dark as I replayed in my head what I had just seen. Like one of those nightmares that haunted my nights had invaded my day as well.

"He gave up on me." I whisper to myself for a long moment before letting out a harsh sob. I start crying uncontrollably, my heart hurting so much I felt like dying. "He gave up on me. He gave up on me." I keep repeating the words to try to make myself believe them.

Lu opens the door at that moment to find me on the floor, my hands pressed flat on the dirty ground, my tears falling like rain on a winter day. She bends down on her knees and sits next to me, gripping my shoulders tightly.

"What are you doing?" she asks and I don't even register anything she's saying. I keep on repeating the same words between cries; my voice throbbed with pain and tears. Lu curses harshly while turning me towards her; she shakes me hard. "Carla, talk to me."

I finally wake up from my haze and stare at her, tears streaming down my face blurring my vision, my voice breaking when I try to respond. "He gave up on me. He gave up on me." She lets out a pained sigh and pulls me to her; I curl into her lap, sobbing, realizing it truly was over, I lost Samuel. I press my wet face on her clean shirt and cry, my hands fisting her jacket tightly, I felt like I couldn't breathe.

"Shhh it's going to be fine, I promise." she hushes me, her voice shaking then grabs the back of my head and presses her chin on top of it, her hand soothing and caressing my hair.

"He gave up on me, Lu. Samuel gave up on me." I let out a violent cry shuddering painfully and she grips me tighter.

"It's okay, I'm here. I got you." She whispers in my hair before she leans bach to hold my face in her hands, eyes reassuring and warm while she wipes away the tears falling from my own, "You're not alone, I'm here for you."

"I can't believe-" I struggle with words and she cuts me off.

"It's his loss. You hear me? It's his loss." She grabs my head more tightly and brushes her fingers over my brows. "You're going to forget about him."

I let her words settle in and start crying again from the burn they leave inside me. Because I sure as hell couldn't imagine myself trying. The thought seemed impossible to me.

"Carla look at me," she demands furiously, "If he's not here with you, then he doesn't deserve you. Don't ever forget that."

Eventually there were no more tears left to cry. I was empty, but with that emptiness came new clarity.

"He chose to be with her in-"

"He's not worth your tears." She hugs me again and tries to calm me down. "Listen, I honestly knew something was going on between you two, I just never imagined it to be this..."

Lu surprisingly trails off and I look up at her with sad eyes before she continues, "Serious. Seeing you like this, I mean I don't really know what I expected but, you really care about him don't you?"

"I love him." I say instantly and open my eyes in time to see her eyebrows rise in surprise, "So much."

I sit up and another tear slides down my face, she reaches for it slowly with her thumb.

"I don't know what to say." She honestly admits.

For some reason, I found her response so unusual. I try to hold it in, but a snorted laugh breaks free.

"What the fuck is so funny?" she chuckles with me.

I laugh some more, and once I started, I couldn't stop. I laugh until my sides hurt and I fall over on the cold floor, not giving a fuck about anything I was thaught when it comes to being a lady. "That's honestly so rare of you to say. You always have something to say."

"It's not funny." She protests and pushes slightly against my shoulder while I continue laughing until I manage to squeeze out a few more tears. I watch her in between laughs noticing how her mouth was curving upward into a smile of her own; I laugh some more until I wasn't laughing as much as I was sobbing again, dry and silent.

Lu's smile fades instantly, she looks at me with compassionate eyes and a silent stare, then moves towards me to hold me against her. "I'm sorry I wasn't there for you."

"It's not your fault." I say between sobs. "God, I'm a mess."

"No, you're just in love." She says making my heart sink again with remembered pain.

I pull away and lean my back agaisnt the sink, pressing my head on the cold tiles. "Up until a few minutes ago I was sure it was the most beautiful feeling in the world." I whisper silently. "Somewhere along the way, I deluded myself into thinking Samuel and I could have it all. That being in love was all we needed." My mouth twisting wryly before I continue, "I guess because I never really thought I'd ever fall in love like that, and when I did I made myself believe in that whole myth that when you do, you're supposed to live happily ever after."

I stare at her wondering if my words made sense to her, she joins me and puts her hand in mine. "I'm sorry Carla; I know you're hurting, I wish I could say something that would make you feel better. What are you going to do now?" she asks carefully, her eyes on my profile, "I mean I still don't know what exactly happened between you two, but I can see he really hurt you."

"Not as much as I hurt him." I confess in a low pained voice. "I honestly have no idea what to do."

She waits for me patiently to say something else, then grabs my face in her hands again, "Then listen to what I'm going to say carefully." I take a deep breath and then blow it out tensely. "The five by five rule."

"The what?" I repeat after her in confusion.

"The five by five rule: If it's not going to matter in five years, don't spend more than five minutes worrying about it."

_Five years... It's a long period of time, but then again such a short one._

I let that sink in for a moment, I look ahead and wonder if I'll ever feel the same way five years from now. The fear of a future without him scares me, just thinking about it makes me want to stay in this right moment. I close my eyes and think of how I couldn't survive losing him at all. He was part of me now. I had him with me everywhere I went. Everywhere I looked.

"That's not going to help me at all. I can't breathe without him." I say so sure of myself.

"Then learn how to. You have to Carla." She says with determined eyes. "Otherwise you'll suffocate every time you see them together and judging by the fact that they didn't waste time-"

"It's fine." I bit out while rubbing my hands frantically on my face. "I can do this, really."

_I don't think I even realize what I'm saying._

"I know you can and I'll be there for you." She sweetly presses a kiss on my forehead and I nod.

We stay there for a moment. Just sitting together in pure silence and understanding. Like our own kind of therapy.

"Look I don't know what fucking around with Samuel changed in you but," She looks around us in a mocking way before adding, "I don't fancy the idea of sitting in a bathroom floor any longer, so if we can head to class?"

I shoot her a look and she lifts both her hands in defense, "Just saying!"

I laugh softly and we both stand up with my hand in hers, "Thanks Lu, I really, really appreciate it."

"I got you cariño, don't worry." She squeezes my hand softly.

I let everything I lived today sink in.

At least now I will not have to hide from my father. And with Samuel being with Rebecca he will not suspect anything?

Which means Samuel was safe now. I was grateful for that.

I grab his ring in my hand and Lu stops to stare at it and says, "It's pretty, I've noticed it the other day."

"He gave it to me." I bite my lips while looking up, my eyes watering again. She lets out a shaky breath with sympathetic eyes and pulls me closer as we walk in the hall.

"At least he has good taste, right?"

I smile and nod softly, thanking god for her.

Because I may have lost Samuel today.

But I won Lu back and somehow, that was enough for me to hold on.

**_Samuel_ **

Rebecca's lips press against mine and I resist pulling back, I always feel like I should whenever she does, I hated myself for that. I'm supposed to be okay with this, I allowed this to happen, I could've stopped it but I didn't. I had no right to feel this way.

But that sure as heel didn't change to the fact that I died inside every time she kissed me.

And she must've seen it. Carla. God, I hated her for what she did to me but sill didn't want to hurt her.

_Why would she be hurt? She doesn't even care about you._

I bite my lips at the thought. I open my eyes and smile slowly at Rebe who takes my hand in hers and leads me towards class. We walk in the crowd and stop in front of the door; I turn my head back slightly in time to see Carla walk fast in the opposite hall.

Lu screams her name and runs after her quickly. I don't register my reaction before hearing Rebe's voice: "Oye, my hand." I look at her and down at our linked hands, I was squeezing hers so tight my knuckles turned white.

"Sorry, sorry. I'm sorry." I release her hand so fast as if it burned me.

"What's the matter with you." She asks and follows my gaze to where I was looking.

"Nothing." I say while staring at my hands.

Guzman chooses that moment to join us, "He's starting to have anger management issues."

"Very funny." I say narrowing my eyes at him.

"I'm serious." He mumbles and walks past us inside class.

"Go in, I'll join you in a minute. I need some fresh air." She eyes me for a moment before nodding and stepping inside.

I immediately walk away, I don't even know where to go, so I just pace down the hall, I turn a corner and enter the boy's bathrooms slamming the doors hard. I run straight to the wall and hit it hard with both hands. I slam it hard, repeatedly, tirelessly, desperately hoping they would hurt more than my heart did, I don't feel them by the time I stop, the air in the bathroom becomes hot and stale, drying my throat and making my eyes burn.

The floor seemed to tilt beneath my feet, the foundation of my life shifting after I lost her. I fall to the ground and put my hands on my face, feeling them throbbing with pain, red and swollen from the force of my blows. I start breathing hard, my throat suffocating on words I wish I had told Rebe before she ever tried to kiss me.

_I love Carla. I'm in love with her. Only her._

_Forever her._

A black ring encroached on my vision and I close my eyes, her words haunting my thoughts while making their way into my heart, they made my world dark, and darkness suffocated me.

_You never had me._

Scrubbing at my eyes, "I never had you", I scream at myself, my voice breaking as I let out a cry and let go, I sob uncontrollably, I slam my head against the wall and cry, I cry till my heart feels like it's about to explode, I don't think about anyone hearing me or seeing me, I just let it out. All of it.

"I never had you." I say with each hit, my head throbbing, my hands slamming against my legs, I think of Carla's smiling face and slam my head harder, "I never had you."

I felt weak. Broken. Heartbroken. I cry and feel every pained stab in my heart. Things will never be the same, because I realize now that for the first time in my life, I am in love and my heart just got completely broken. Not because Carla had given up on me, but because I had given up on myself. I gave up on what I wanted, and settled for what I didn't want.

I will not be myself with Rebe, I know if for sure now, because Carla was the only one to have had me, truly and completely, because I gave myself to her with willingly, I trusted her with my heart and she broke it.

I lick my dry lips and taste my tears; I press my face on my hands and sigh heavily. "I never had her." I say with a determined voice before I stand up and go to the mirror. I face myself and stare back at my reflection, I was a mess, and it was fine.

I open the water and splash it on my hot face repeatedly, I also run it through my hair smoothly, feeling my body heat slowly coming back to normal. I wash my hands with care and wish I had controlled myself more.

"It's over and you will be fine, you have Rebe." I fix my appearance and secure my tie; I take a deep breath and try to clear my head.

I turn away and head out of the bathroom stepping outside in time to see her walking by, her hand firmly gripping my necklace. Lu's arm wrapped around her shoulder as she smiles down at her, they both look ahead and freeze in place at the sight of me.

My eyes scan every inch of Carla's face and she does the same, her eyes are somewhat red and swollen, like she was crying, her makeup smashed and ruined making her eyes seem darker than usual, she swallows hard and looks down as she passes me fast. I can't help but try to say something to her and stop myself last minute.

_Why would she still be wearing it?_

I stay rooted in place as I watch them walk away; I clench my jaw when I realize they were coming out of the opposite bathroom, my eyes narrowing with concern and curiosity. I sigh and stare at the floor. Carla looked weary and sad, her eyes still weary and shiny with tears, and she was with Lu, who seemed to be comforting her. I gasp and look at them quickly.

_Could it really be the same?_

I fist my hands tightly and walk behind them slowly, my thoughts already going places I didn't want them to be.

Whatever it was, I was going to find out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter inspired by the song: Duncan Laurence - Arcade
> 
> 'A broken heart is all that's left  
> All I know, all I know  
> Loving you is a losing game'
> 
> This chapter was very emotional for me to write, because it was how I wanted to portray the fact that carla and samuel are in fact the same, they feel both trapped and know that only when they're together can they be truly happy, so when they lose each other they both break and at the same time... I hope you like the idea and chapter overall and if you have any comments please don't hesitate, i'd love to read them.  
> With love,  
> A.


	8. 𝑺𝒂𝒄𝒓𝒊𝒇𝒊𝒄𝒆𝒔 | 3x03 (Vol. 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> My heart beats everywhere; in my ears, my throat, my stomach. She turns from me and supports her body with one hand on the wall, as if she found it hard to stand. I actually was the one who found it too hard to stand.
> 
> I look away from her because even if she deserves it, I don't like to see her in pain. I also didn't need her to pity me. I wanted her to love me. But I just wasn't enough. But it's fine, in five months I'll be gone, and in five years...
> 
> You won't even remember my name.  
> And I will never forget yours.
> 
> *Ratings: mature  
> *Additional tags: seperation, heartbreak and more angst

**_Samuel_ **

I leave class and walk outside quickly, needing the fresh air to calm me down, I run down the stairs and stop in the middle, gripping the side bars with both hands I inhale deeply.

Today has been all kinds of fucked up, the whole week actually, from me going to see Carla and the hope I felt after having her back to school to finding out it was all a lie and hooking up with Rebe out of rage, I had no tolerance for my actions, I hated myself for them.

I grip the bars so tight my hands hurt. I close my eyes as more and more students join me outside, the silence slipping away further, replaced by car horns and loud conversations. I turn in my place and lean against the stairs only to find Carla staring at me from afar, she's standing on the opposite side of mine, her was back at me with her arms crossed tightly around her, her head turning slightly my way allowing me to see her face closely.

I swallow hard at her expression and the way she looked, her hair was so blond it turned to a new shade of gold under the sun, it was shining so bright my eyes blinked more than usual from it, her skin seemed warm and soft, her mouth titling slightly to half a smile as she looked at me, her eyes were slightly red and so shiny, as if they were filled with tears threatening to come out and I had no idea why.

Mine stung like that too actually.

Somehow, staring had become our only form of communication.

I stood frozen, my gut knotting. A sick darkness radiated through me. And pain, it was simply searing and soul deep. It took my breath and every ounce of hope from me. She stood far. Too far away from me, all the time. Yet the simple fact of gazing at one another enough for us, it was our only way of communicating together, but that didn't stop my heart from twisting in my chest at the reality that we didn't have each other. We weren't together. And we maybe never were.

I don't blink after our eyes connect and neither does she, not until she turns her head and watches Rebeka walk towards me, Carla's expression darkens instantly; her brows frowning as she follows Rebe with her eyes, I see her assess the situation and know when she reaches the same conclusion I had: I wasn't hers

A myriad of emotions crossed her face.

_We had other people when we could've had each other._

She then stares at me quickly her mouth twisting roughly, then turns and walks down the stairs, her head is bowed as she looks down at her steps, I'm still watching her by the time Rebe reaches me and starts talking to me, I don't register anything she says, my eyes refusing to let Carla out of my sight.

She was simply the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen and easily the sexiest woman alive. Other women turned their heads to follow her when she walked by, envying her effortless beauty and sexuality. Men eyed her with heated interest, but she didn't seem to notice, her composure always calm and graceful. So elegant.

I follow her steps until she reaches the bottom and fist my hands when I see Yeray pulling up in his expensive car, he steps out quickly, a huge smile on his face and rounds the car to open the door for her, rage fired my blood and darkened my vision.

"Oh well if that isn't the new Bill Gates of Las Encinas?" Rebe points out as I watch Carla smile at him and get in the car. More than money, it was the fact that Yeray had something that was much more precious now that killed me, he had her and she chose him over me. "How about we skip training and study together? Psst, I'm talking to you" she says with a frustrated growl.

My breath quickens as Carla disappears into the car and I look away rapidly to hide my expression from Rebe: "Okay, I'll see you at my place in an hour?"

"Okay." She moves in fast and kisses me; I close my eyes again feeling uncomfortable more and more every day. "Ciao" I inhale deeply as she walks away.

I go home immediately, wanting to find comfort in being alone for a bit, away from everyone and everything, I reach my street and find an unfamiliar car in front of my house, I frown as I see the inspector charged of Marina's case waiting for me. She asks me to accompany her to the station for something and I regret coming home already.

"What do you mean by 'seems willing'?" I ask with confusion.

"The prosecutor already has doubts about your brother being guilty because of the lack of evidence, he could come back a free man, your mother too, they won't have to hide." The other inspector says once we're in his office. "We could convince him the prosecutor to chnage his decision, we were friends for a long time."

"Yes, that's how things work right?" I say furiously, "Underhanded deals among friends?"

"Power isn't fair, but you could make it work for you for once." I look at both of them with pity. "We only need one thing in return."

They tell me about how they wanted me to betray Rebe and put a listening device in her house so they can catch her mother guilty, "I'm not doing it." I say with finality.

"Think about your family, Samuel. Think about your brother. You're the only one who could help him."

I leave the station with a new level of desperate, I couldn't believe life could get any worse and it just kept proving me wrong, I found it hard to breathe by the time I reach my bike, I grip it tightly and stare at the ground, my heart pounding with anger and fear, fear of doing something so wrong for the first time in my life, but that wasn't what scared me most because I wouldn't only lose Rebe, I would lose respect for myself, and that I couldn't stand. It's quite easy to hate other people; I hated Polo and lived with that feeling every day. But, to hate yourself... That's just too big to contain.

I grab my bike lifting it from the floor and smash it hard against the wall, attracting the attention of some of the people walking by.

_But what about my family? How can I live with myself knowing I had the chance to help them and I didn't?_

I somehow think of Carla immediately after asking myself that.

She somehow was the one I thought of even when I couldn't even think straight. She too had to save her family, and she chose to even if it meant losing most of the people she cared for.

_I called her a coward after that, but was she really?_

_Was I not the coward now?_

I put my hands on my face and rub it hopelessly, my mind about to explode. I called her a coward when she was being brave, I needed to apologize for it, and she didn't deserve that, even if she was just fooling me.

I arrive to my neighborhood again and find Rebe waiting for me, her face giving away nothing but anger, I curse harshly when I remember we were supposed to see each other. I try to apologize and she cuts me off abruptly: "Look Samuel, if you want to become a Marquis, just tell me to fuck off and we can then stop wasting our time." I look up quickly and stare at her with perturbed eyes.

A long silence settles in before she asks me again; "You met with her again, right?" I narrow my eyes before remembering Carla's face from earlier and I look away quickly.

I secretly and honestly wished I had met with her, wished I could just go to her and spend time together. I wished she was that easy to reach.

I finally look at Rebe and see the acceptance settle over her, I even thought of letting her believe I had met with Carla for a second so she could leave me, before I was tempted to hurt and betray her. Her shoulders went back and her chin lifted before I interrupt whatever she was about to say "I was with the police."

I tell her about everything except the part where I was asked to ruin her life. She sympathetically tries to make me feel better and I hate myself for hiding the truth. I kiss her softly and try to forget about all the shit happening in my life.

"Come on, let's hit the books."

"You really want to study?" I ask in surprise.

"Well I don't want to end up like my mother." She says sadly.

And I don't want to lose you. Like I lost everyone else in my life.

Like I lost her. God, she never leaves my mind. She is the only person who could silence the thoughts in my head and set me free.

I hold Rebe's hand and head for the house. My heart already aching with the memory of Carla's touch. My hold tightens on her hand and she smiles at me.

I just look at her and wish I didn't see someone else whenever I did.

**_Carla_ **

Yeray drops me off at my house and I eagerly step out of the car and walk fast towards the front door, I enter the house and lean against the door, I close my eyes for a minute and gather my thoughts, I had a hard time trying to enjoy his company, he was too talkative and agitated, two things I hated most in people, I liked people who kept calm and silent, who talked when they really had something to say, who appreciated silence and enjoyed it. People like Samuel. I smile when I remember how cheesy I was when I went to him that night.

_Maybe we could be lonely together?_

I smile when I recall us eating macaroni, and I almost feel him when leans closer and licks the sauce off my lips. I press my lips tightly together at the pleasant memory and wish we could enjoy the silence again, together.

More than that I wish we could just enjoy each other. Those memories were the only thing keeping me standing today.

I compose myself when I notice my father staring at me from the living room; I walk towards him and greet him with a plane look on my face.

"You look happy!" he points out while smiling and I frown at him, "Does that mean you and Yeray are getting along well?"

"That means I am finally happy he's gone." I scratch my forehead and look at him, "He's intolerable. Anyway, where's mom?"

"Upstairs. She has a stomachache." I grimace with worry and turn to go see her. "Go get changed, I don't want us to be late." I stop in place and face him again.

"I'm not going to that party. Why should I? I just told you I can't stand him." I say bitterly.

"Carla, I'm not going to waste my time looking for investors for the wineries."

"And I should? Who's the parent here?" I say furiously. "Plus Yeray has no interest in wine. He drank Coca Cola when we were at dinner last night so please, don't insist."

"I don't know, he seemed very interested to me." I frown at his statement and my body starts to shiver from his words.

"I'm not going to go and put on an act for you." I say with determined eyes: "I'd rather stay and look out after mom." I turn to leave and he stops me again.

"That's what I'm asking you to do actually. Your mother isn't sick, she's devastated because she just found out we're on the verge of bankruptcy. So if you really want to help her, you know what to do."

He walks away and leaves me standing there in disbelief.

I shake my head and breathe harshly. My thoughts tumble around like dice. A lump forms in my throat. It makes it hard to swallow. I couldn't believe what I was going through.

_How far could my father go to get what he wanted?_

_How bad could he hurt me to do so?_

The hot air in the club already filled my chest, making it hard to catch my breaths normally.

I'm wearing a pink dress with one of my shoulders bare, those were my favorites, simple and elegant. Very attractive. I match it with a simple set of earrings and plain make up. I wasn't in the mood to dress up, or party, or be here actually. I was basically forced to.

I look at my father next to me with sad eyes, hating the fact he was using me for his own interests.

Yeray chooses that moment to walk up to us and I quickly try to regain my composure. He shakes my father's hand looking excited and surprised. Mostly surprised because he wasn't expecting to see me here, I practically rejected him last night after our dinner. He knows I'm not interested in him, which means he clearly understands why we're here and why my father is acting so nice towards him.

That made me ashamed.

"Why don't you come around to the wineries someday, we're looking for investors, maybe you'd be interested." I wished the ground would swallow me whole when I watch Yeray look at me from the corner of his eyes as realization settled on his features.

I wanted to disappear from the world.

He kindly accepts, shakes my dad's hand and politely excuses himself.

He's too smart to fall for this. I could see it in his face that he understands our motive, we were trying to use him for our benefit and we didn't even try to hide it.

My father gives me a frustrated look, sending a message without even opening his mouth.

I immediately follow Yeray and hesitantly approach him when we're far enough from my father's eyes. I honestly had no idea what to say.

"You know what I miss most about being poor?" He says before I get the chance to say anything, "People approach you for who you are, not for your money."

_No, I actually wished I could die._

I swallow hard. I also remember my poor mother, "You're right, your money made me change my mind. But you know why? Because you made it all by yourself, without any help or cheating." And I really did. I respected him for that. "No desperate father asking for favors and making a fool out of you at a party." I say my heart breaking.

I then immediately switch my thoughts to something more hurtful, something that would make me do what I was about to do next. I let images of Samuel and Rebeka kissing invade my mind and a wave of rage travels all over me. I start moving my fingers seductively over Yeray's jacket; I feel him tense and move closer, he swallows hard and stares at my lips, I swallow my shame and raise my chin at him, inviting him willingly.

_If this was the only way to save Samuel and help my family, then so be it._

He grabs me by the nape and I remember how it felt when it was Samuel's hand and I try to stop myself. Yeray kisses me hard in that moment. I close my eyes shut and fist his jacket.

_I will never forgive myself._

I find myself walking around the club aimlessly after that. Still shaken up by the few past minutes, I had no idea what to think or do, I walk shakily and stumble every time I think of Yeray kissing me, I then head straight into the ladies room, I step quickly in front of the mirror and look at myself with disgust. My stomach aches.

This is real. Whatever's happening, I can't seem to stop it. Even worse I am starting it. For I was now officially with Yeray.

I open the water and wash my mouth, I don't care about my lipstick or makeup, I just want to wash the taste of his lips on mine, I scrub a little too harsh but still don't stop. I raise my head and watch my eyes fill up with tears.

My heart pounds as my face heats, I somehow wished I didn't kiss anyone after Samuel; I wanted him to be my last. I wanted to be kissed again only if it were him, the fact that I just lost that brutally hurt me.

I think of that moment when he licked the sauce out of my lips that night and I inhale a deep breath.

_Why does that small, insignificant memory hurt this much?_

There are so many to choose from. But no, it's a random night eating reheated macaroni from a microwave that makes my heart bleed. It was the one that always made me shiver with pleasure and pain.

I grab my purse and leave, I walk out and decide to call Lu, why wasn't she here? I need her.

I don't see where I'm going as I search for my phone inside my purse, I stop in a corner to avoid bumping with people, I end up grabbing Samuel's necklace from my purse, I wrap my hands around it and stare at it for a while, I took it off earlier when I was getting dressed, I could've just left it at home but I just didn't wanted to, it gave me strength, made me feel like he was with me at all times, I smile while looking at it and suddenly feel him behind me.

I shiver instantly and put it back quickly before he sees it in my hand. I turn around in surprise and I can't stop myself from shaking with fear. I was so scared of what he was going to say. He also looked agitated and afraid. That only made me tremble more.

"How are yo-"

"Fine." I answer him quickly before he even finished and walk away quickly. I couldn't stand talking to him, not when my emotions were all over the place. I was too raw, too shaken up, too emotional. I stop at the bar and order something. I feel my heart jump when I find him standing next to me again.

He was so close, too close, I could smell him so intensly, it made me ache with need. I wanted him urgently.

He doesn't say anything for a few minutes, his silence echoes louder in the club than the loud music. I try to stop myself from noticing him play with his hands, clearly struggling with what to say.

"Forgive me." He says at last and I alsmot sob with how much hurt I hear in his voice.

"What?" I try to look at anything but him, he looked so sad and that killed me.

"When you saved Polo during the hearing, I thought you were a coward. But no, you were actually brave." I look at Samuel and notice my father standing behind him on the other side of the bar, his eyes firmly on us. My grip on the glass I was holding tightens to the point of pain, I could've broken it. I briskly turn away from him, my lips twitching as my tears threatened to fall.

Samuel sighs, overpowered by something I can't see. But that doesn't stop him from approching me from behind and getting so close I could feel the warmth of his body against my bare back. His breath reaches my cheeks when he speaks again, "You did what you had to do to protect your family, even though you had to pay a very high price. I get it now." 

Nothing hurt more than this, not even seeing him kiss Rebeka, because this, this is why I loved him so much. This is the Samuel I fell head over heels in love with, the protective, forgiving, pure and caring Samuel, the one who bared me to the soul, the one who always saw beyond my walls and tried to break them gently, and he did, he owned me comepletely, and it hurt, because I was thinking I had lost him forever and that was the only thing that made me give up on him, but now, he was here with me again, his words bursting life into me.

I struggle with everything I have in me not to shed my tears, thankfully I had my back at him and he couldn't see that, I gather whatever I have left in me and face him again, my face impassive, cold from the outside, my feelings burning me from the inside.

_Aside from what I love most in life, I'm not sacrificing much._

"I didn't have to sacrifice much." I say with a careless shrug that felt like an actual stab in my own heart.

I was hurting myself more than I was hurting him.

He closes his eyes for a brief second and opens them again. His jawline is sharp, not with anger, but as if he's holding in tears. His whole dominer changes, he looks lost and hopeless, his hands at his sides, his mouth a thin line. He looks defeated.

I chew the inside of my lip to stop myself from crying. I can feel him tremble, and it scares me. I want to touch him, to soothe and calm him down, but how could I when my father was this close to us. To him. I just couldn't risk it. I had to push him away.

"You lost Lu, you lost Guzman and you lost me." I recoil a little when he leaves himself at last, as if to mean that he knows he means less to me than anyone else.

I suddenly felt like hitting him again.

_How could he not see that I loved him more than anyone else in my entire life._

_He was my life, my happiness, my safety and freedom. He was everything._

_He was love._

My hands curl to fists as I fight to urge to slap some sense into him, but how would I dare when he was looking at me with those big brown eyes, so sad and sorry, so forgiving... I try to come up with something that would make this end. Anything that would make him walk away from me once again, and if that didn't work maybe I will have to walk away myself. It was the only way.

I look at my right and find my dad staring at us again. I quickly look back at Samuel and almost don't speak because just the threat of his tears stuns me. He really is hurting, and that means he still cares on some level.

But It's not enough for me, though. It's not enough to stop me. I need him to hate me. That was my only way. I close my eyes and gather my thoughts.

I rememeber what Lu told me yesterday.

_You really care about him don't you ?_

_You're just in love._

_You need to learn how to live without him, otherwise you'll suffocate everytime you see them together._

_The five by five rule._

_If it's not going to matter in five years, don't spend more than five minutes worrying about it._

I open my eyes and he meets me halfway, I watch him stare into my eyes with hope one last time before I lose that forever.

"I knew you for all of five minutes. In five months you'll be gone." I tragically find it hard to breathe before I contiue in a pained voice, my throat locks up, strangling my words. I can barely get them out. "And in five years I won't even rememeber your name."

I can't stop my voice from breaking at that last part, my whole world breaking, shattering, my head starts to spin as I feel the ground shift underneath me, I look at Samuel one last time, his face falls and turns red, I can see his eyes shine with fresh tears. His expression sours.

I broke him.

I don't wait through the few seconds it takes him to decide how to proceed. I don't wait to see him walk away from me, I do it instead. I didn't want to see him like this, I quickly turn away, my tears not afraid of falling anymore, I stumble a little before walking away, I don't see or hear anything after that, I just walk.

Each step I take beyond Samuel feels like a great distance.

Each step I take steals my ability to breathe, and I struggle more when I feel him follow me for a few meters the same way he did the first night we went out together, I start thinking he might actually follow me all the way but then he just stops dead in his tracks.

And that was it.

He stopped and my world stopped with him.

I had nothing left.

**_Samuel_ **

Darkness.

That was all there was.

Pure dark.

Nothing else.

She walks away and I drown in darkness, I try to stop myself from following her but only manage to after a few steps, she walks away from me and leaves me with nothing.

I had nothing.

I inhale deeply and look down. Nothing else mattered beyond this. The pain I felt was unbearable, I walk with no direction, her words carved in my head. And heart.

And the worst part is that whatever it is I have left of it, it only beats for her.

The night passed in a blur, and worsened when Polo joined the party; that was when tables turned, because all the sadness and sorrow I was feeling tunred into rage, I was so full of it.

"You're too nice for your own good and I'm an idiot for listening to you. People here do whatever they want Samu." Guzman whispers in my ear and I slam my eyes shut. He walks away from the bar where we were sitting and I follow him quickly.

"You're right" I say harshly as I grab him by the arm, I then stop him from following me and he cruses harshly. I walk away enraged and mad at the world for being so unfair.

I walk and spot her leaning against a wall, she looks at me with concerened eyes as I pass by her and the only thing that spurts inside me was pure hate. I hated everyone. And loved her most. That's why I stop and slowly look back at her. 

_Is this what you wanted?_

_To see me like this?_

The look I give her makes her face convulse into a painful tormeneted look. The din of the crowd suddenly becomes excruciatingly loud after that, the overhead lights searing as I pierce her with hard eyes. My heart beats everywhere; in my ears, my throat, my stomach. She turns from me and supports her body with one hand on the wall, as if she found it hard to stand.

I actually was the one who found it too hard to stand.

I look away from her because even if she deserves it, I don't like to see her in pain. I also didn't need her to pity me. I wanted her to love me. But I just wasn't enough. But it's fine, in five months I'll be gone, and in five years...

_You won't even remember my name._

_And I will never forget yours._

I lose control.

I wind through the streets and drive my bike hysterically in the middle of the road, the small light on the wheel not enough to take away the darkness around me, everything was just too sombre.

I lose control and become what I hate most in life. I become unfair.

I go to the police and accept their offer.

I tweet about Polo.

I betray Rebe.

And I don't hesitate one second in doing all of that. Because I wasn't myself anymore.

This was another Samuel. The one I was before wasn't enough.

He was weak to the point of being forgotten in a few years.

He was now just a memory.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter inspired by the song: i know you care by ellie goulding
> 
> 'I know you care  
> I know it is always been there  
> But there's trouble ahead, I can feel it  
> You are just saving yourself  
> When you hide it'
> 
> There was a tweet once about the 'in five years I won't even remember your name' scene, and the person tweeted about how was Carla able to come up with that sentence in that split second, and a dear friend replied: she's a poet / and I've been laughing-crying about it every day ever since. But God, Carla's words were just too harsh, too hurtful, but they broke her as much as they broke Samuel. I wish I could change this chapter but I just didn't feel like it, this chapter was important, because it showed us how far Carla could go to protect her love. She sacrified herself and her happiness for him. And I think that's what love does to you. When you're really in love. 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed the chapter.  
> Thank you for being here.  
> With love,  
> A.


	9. 𝑳𝒐𝒗𝒆𝒓𝒔 𝒊𝒏 𝑺𝒆𝒄𝒓𝒆𝒕 | 3x03 (Vol. 3)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I decide then that I wanted her to talk to me, so I come up with a plan and deter to conversation. "So you and Yeray are together now?"
> 
> She frowns and looks at me so intensely I almost regret asking, "Seriously?"
> 
> "I mean, he doesn't seem like your type that's all." I say and try not to smile at her expression. If teasing her was the only way to get her to say more than a couple words every time she opened her mouth then so be it. I had nothing to lose anyway.
> 
> "What would you know about my type?" she asks with a hurtful tone and I recoil a little. She was trying to hurt me again.
> 
> *Ratings: mature  
> *Additional tags: Valentine's day, secret lovers, hot kissing, more angst?

**_Carla_ **

I immediately stop smiling when Yeray leans in for a goodbye kiss in the middle of the hall of Las Encinas, I hesitate a little before I decide to comply, I needed to remind myself constantly that we were officially dating now, and kissing is part of the process, and I didn't want to think of more at the moment, It was already too hurtful to kiss him let alone take things to another level.

I bite my lips when we separate and start walking away when he grabs my hand, "Hey we didn't talk about Valentine's Day, it's this Friday you know and I've planned it all." Great, Valentine's Day, that's exactly what I needed right now. "We'll dine at the best restaurant; I'll have flowers and many surprises." He says with a confident smile on his face.

_Ugh, I hate surprises._

I barely manage a smile then spot Lu standing with her back at us a few feet away; she can clearly hear us talking and is obviously aware I wasn't enjoying the conversation, because she promptly turns around with a grimace on her face.

Shit; I was intending to talk to her face to face about me and Yeray, it was too bad she had to see us together before I got the chance to tell her, and judging by her body language and hard eyes it was clear she wasn't approving.

_Neither do I Lu. Neither do I._

I look at her with pleading eyes and manage to get her to join us, "We usually celebrate at Lu's house, her parties are the best and most fun to be at." I smile at her and raise my eyebrows.

_Save me, please._

Lu being everything I need right now quickly grabs my arm and goes with it, Yeray stops her before she could say anything, "Well I wouldn't know, I've never been invited to her parties, or any other parties for that matter!"

"Ah!" I look away quickly to hide my smile. I roll my eyes and stare a Lu who's trying her best to hide her reaction but fails completely, she gives him a weird, fake and sympethatic look that I can't help but chuckle at, silentely tho.

"Well I'm not in the mood for partying this year, I don't have the time for it, with my studies, exams and the Columbia program I just don't think I'll organize something this year." She says with finality and I narrow my eyes at her.

_Was she still saving my ass or was she being serious?_

Lu never misses a event like Valentine's day. It's been her thing ever since I met her.

She gives me a look that makes me realize she's being serious. We suddenly get interrupted by Cayetana, "Yeah that has nothing to do with the fact that you have no friends left, right Lu?" She laughs at Lu and I flame up at her.

"Actually, you're the outsider here darling." I turn to face her and she stops abruptly. "Remind me, aside from Polo, who are you actually friends with? Oh and I guess we shouldn't even count Polo since he's your... Whatever you two are." I gesture carelessly with my hand.

"Look who's talking! After your lies in court, I wasn't thinking you were ever going to set a foot here, in fact, you're the one with no friends anymore after that." I recoil a little from her words because they were part true, aside from Lu and Samuel, nobody really talks to me as before.

"Enough!" Lu interrupts her angrily, "Leave us alone Cayetana." She maliciously smiles at both of us and leaves.

I turn around a find Yeray staring at me in a weird way, "Go to class Yeray, I'll see you later." I kiss his cheek, grab Lu by the arm and lead her towards class. We stop at the door and I face her, "Don't listen to her. You have me, okay? We have each other." I hug her tightly and she reciprocates.

"It's fine, I don't care about what anyone says anymore. But you, you have some explaining to do, why the fuck are you with that douche?" I don't hesitate and let out a loud throaty laugh that spreads all across the hall, something I hadn't done a long time ago and it feels good to just break into genuine laughter, making people turn their heads my way, including Samuel's who's on the far end of the hall, hanging out with Guzman and Rebeka of course. He briefly looks my way and I swallow my laugh immediately after I see him smile blazing fast before looking back at Guzman again. I may be delusional but, I could swear he smiled because of me. I bite my lips at the thought hoping I was right.

"I'm serious, Carla!" Lu steals my attention again and gently pinches me on the arm, "Why are you with him? You literally looked miserable out there."

I try to hide my real thoughts from here because even though I really want to tell Lu, I couldn't risk having her interfere; and by that I mean going straight to Samuel and telling him everything, because I know she really wants us to be together, which made me feel all sorts of ways, appreciation for one, gratitude and love for her as well. She knew me so well. Knew what I wanted and what I didn't.

"Everything is fine, trust me." I look over at where Samuel is and try my best to sound as normal as possible. "He's fun and different and-"

"And absolutely not your type; you two have nothing in common, aside from being rich." She smiles and I twist my mouth. Well I couldn't disagree more, she has no idea my family is on the verge of bankruptcy and Yeray is the only hope we have right now. I instinctively look at Samuel, him and I were like that too, we had nothing in common.

_Chalk and cheese._

I let out another laugh that wasn't so loud this time. "What's so funny?" She frustratingly asks and I discreetly gesture at Samuel with my eyes, she follows my gaze and immediately figures me out, "Mhm, well yeah you're right. I still have no clue how you two happened and I don't care, but I'm still dying to find out!" she looks back at me with playful eyes.

I chuckle at her excitement and deter the conversation away from my desperate love life. "Yeray could be a good distraction, you were the one who asked me to try to move on, remember? Well you should be happy, I'm taking your advice."

"I definitely did not mean this. You could've just focused on yourself." She sounds serious this time when she speaks.

"Well well well, not all of us are good at being single and happy." I try to joke and she thankfully goes with it and laughs.

"I'm actually good at everything but yes you're right. Carla I just want you to be happy." She grabs my hand and squeezes tight. "Preferably with Samuel but I guess that's not happening. I wish things weren't so complicated."

My eyes suddenly fill with tears, I try to hold them in by moving in fast and hugging her; I bury my face in her jacket and try not to cry. "Me too."

She caresses my hair with her hand and takes away whatever sadness I was starting to feel. We stay like that for a few minutes before we hear Guzman's voice, "Look who's friends again!" he remarks and gives me a wry look that makes my skin shiver, I wish he didn't hate me this much now.

"Be nice!" Lu bits out while pointing a finger towards him.

"It's fine Lu." I say in a low voice and we both step aside as he enters class. Samuel who's firmly holding Rebeka's hand follows him, he doesn't even look at me as they both pass by us, looking careless and uninterested in whatever was happening between us. I wondered then if it'll ever hurt less seeing him with her.

I spot the professor coming from the other hall and point him out to Lu, "We better get in too." She nods as we make our way inside, "So, you're really definitely not having a party?" I ask hoping she could change her mind and save me from a long boring cliché date with Yeray.

Lu gives me a diabolic smile before looking at Samuel who is busy on his tablet and says, "Well darling if you can't stand your new boyfriend, find another who's more interesting." She looks at me again with playful eyes, her lips pressed tightly together to muffle a laugh.

Samuel narrows his eyes at her and leans forward before looking at me directly. I give her a shocked glare that quickly turns into one full of anger.

_I can't believe this is happening._

_I could kill her._

She maliciously smiles at both of us then sits down as if nothing happened. I look back at Samuel and almost smile when I find him still staring at me, his face not giving a single hint on what he was thinking. I nervously look away and join Lu grabbing the seat next to her. "I'm going to kill you for this."

"No. You're going to thank me." She says with a confident smirk and I roll my eyes, shifting my attention towards the professor who was already speaking of today's topic.

I discreetly take Samuel's necklace out of my purse and play with the ring with my fingers, the simple distraction always managed to calm me down, I felt strong and peaceful whenever I thought of it, whenever I held it, especially when I wore it.

But I couldn't anymore, not after everything I said to him. It would just make him question everything and I couldn't afford that. He would try to understand and maybe build some hope about us. I couldn't let him do that when I knew there was no way we could ever be together. Not after everything I've done.

No matter how forgiving he is.

And god he was pure good.

The definition of decency and rightness.

And for that he deserved better.

Better than me.

*

It's Valentine's Day, and just the thought of it makes my heart burn, I was hoping I could spend it with Samuel, even with everything that's been happening I was still hoping and that was somewhat of a miracle. The school was really something out of a movie, walls decorated in red hearts, lockers filled with flowers and gifts to surprise their occupiers, students detailing their outfits with red colored accessories, I used to be one of them, used to enjoy events like these and dressed to fit the ambiance.

But that was the old Carla, I don't know if I liked her but I do miss her, she was careless and happy, this one not so much.

I'm leaning against the wall, Yeray body shadowing mine, I'm wearing my school uniform which I didn't bother trying to make it stand out with any accessory, feeling as simple as ever, I look around me and see nothing but affection, thoughtfulness and love. I sigh looking at my right and spot him. My pulse flutters at the thought of being this close to him.

A few steps away, Samuel's back is against the wall while Rebeka's body is pressed tightly against his, his eyes are somewhat closed with half a smile on his face, he looks happy and content, which made me smile. I wanted him to be happy the most, he deserves nothing but that after everything he's been through.

I just wish he could put it all behind and move on, because I can clearly see he's not completely happy, he's trying to but he isn't really, because I've got to know what he looked like when he was, I've seen it so many times, mostly when we were together. Samuel doesn't look at her the same way he used to look at me. He was such a different person with me, and he wanted me; he never missed a chance to prove it.

I was the one who pushed him away, and that reality cut right through me.

My throat burned.

I realize suddenly I might be too obvious while staring at him and quickly turn to Yeray, who's still mumbling things about what we could do together this weekend, and since it's Friday I convinced him not to do anything today and wait till Saturday, which spared me the whole day to just be alone and drown in thoughts and dreams about what it would've been like to spend the day with Samuel.

I fake a smile and spot Lu walking alone in the hall, clearly startled with the sight that greeted her, everyone holding hands and kissing their partners.

She briefly looks at me and Yeray with a unhappy look and shakes her head, I watch her turn around and make her way further in the hall, she stops slightly next to Samuel and gives him the same sorry look and stares back at me, she isn't that far away which makes it pretty easy for me to understand what she mouths silently to me: "This isn't okay."

A lump forms in my throat. It makes it hard to swallow. I force myself to look at Samuel again and my heart breaks, I realize I was starting to feel okay with this, our situation, it feels like I was giving up on us and I wasn't even aware of it.

I was never like this, I always find a way. Samuel tried everything but have I? Have I really done everything in my power to be with him? It sure as hell didn't feel like it. And clearly Lu was the only one to make me see that.

When I thought he was dead, I cried over him every night in the privacy of my room, I prayed for it to be a nightmare every time I was about to sleep, I wished for a miracle to bring him back to me, and I swore myself to never let him go if he ever did.

But he wasn't dead, he was right here. _So why wasn't I with him?_

I needed to start thinking things through, because Samuel is right next to me but feels like he’s miles away from me. I still can't be with him and it scares me. And if I did have him I don't know what it would do to the fight building inside me. I wanted him but couldn't afford the price I might have to pay if I did. It feels like there's tons of weight holding me down making sure I couldn't move a feet closer to him. This constant fight with myself was draining whatever energy I had in me. And I can't lose that now that I'm starting to accept the fact that we can't be together.

"I can't wait for tomorrow!" I jump a little when I feel Yeray's lips on my cheek. He pulls away quickly at my reaction.

"I'm sorry; I got distracted for a second." I say immediately.

"May I ask what you were thinking about?" he says with grin on his face. I stare at him with big eyes.

"I don't think I know what I want yet," I blur out suddenly.

He swallows. "Well you have the whole day today to think it through; whatever you want to do tomorrow I will make the arrangements for it."

I stare at him with a tender look feeling sorry for him; he had no idea what I was talking about. "I may not know what I want but I definitely know what I don’t want."

_I don’t want to be without him. I don’t want to lose him. I don’t want to move on from him._

He chuckles and looks at our linked hands, "Well that's progress, let me know whatever it is you decide." He kisses my cheek and leaves to go to his class. I look at him go and scratch the spot where he kissed me with my hand.

I needed to gather my thoughts. And I needed to do it fast. Samuel's life depended on me. I needed to stop thinking about risking it. Whatever it is that I want, it didn't matter, his life was more important.

I look at him again to see him walking with Rebeka's hand in his, both smiling and enjoying each other, he was trying to move on and I had no right to try and take that away. Yet that didn't stop me from reaching for my purse and taking out his necklace, swallowing my pride and shame, I secure it around my neck and place it over my chest.

If I couldn't have Samuel, I would have to hold on to the only thing I have left of him.

If I couldn't have his love, I would have our memories.

If I couldn't be brave then, I wouldn’t be afraid to put it on now.

**_Samuel_ **

We're all sitting in class after the first session has ended, everyone is busy on their phones or notes from today's course, I'm sitting in the back with Rebeka who's telling me about her last visit with her mother, she's sad and has no clue how to handle the whole situation especially when she knows her mother is guilty, just like I was, I betrayed my best friend for my family and I still couldn't believe I had done it. This feeling of culpability that settled inside me ever since I went to the police killed me every day, it also made my confession to Rebeka almost slip of my mouth whenever she talked about her mother.

"She's fine but I'm definitely not." She says while looking at her hands.

"She's going to get through this and so are you. Don't worry." I say while moving my hand up and down her back.

"Thank you Samu, for everything. You're really the only person keeping me going lately. I'm so glad I have you." She leans in for a kiss and my phone vibrates in my pocket.

"Sorry." I say pulling away too quickly. I check the screen and find a message from Lu. I frown and look up to find her in the room. She was nowhere to be seen.

_Lu: Meet me in the lab in 5. I'll get Guzman and join you, it's about Polo._

I get up from my seat lightning fast, putting my phone in my pocket I turn to Rebe, "I'll be right back, text me when the professor comes."

"What's wrong?" she asks with concern.

"I don't know yet, I'll let you know when I come back." I say while looking around the room. Polo wasn't here, something wasn't right.

I walk away with big steps practically running to the lab. Lu wouldn't text us about Polo unless something really important happened, she always said she doesn't care about all of this, which means that whatever it is she's about to tell us is definitely urgent. I push the door of the lab hard and slam it against the wall.

Carla jumps in place before turning around to see who came in. She was pacing back and forth next to the window, her phone in her hand as she waited. I stop as soon as I lay my eyes on her, surprised to find her here too.

"What are you doing here?" I snap angrily.

Carla's face quickly shifts from intensely worried to extremely mad in matter of seconds, "Why are you yelling at me?"

I realize I had no reason to scream at her, so I ask again in a less aggressive tone, "What are you doing here?"

"Same reason you're here I guess," she opens her phone and turns the screen towards me. I take a few steps towards her to read the same message from Lu.

"Do you know what this is about?" I ask impatiently, my temper rising more now that she was this close to me.

"Would I really be here if I did?" she says as if it were so obvious, "Unbelievable." She whispers the words to herself as she turns around and steps in front of the window on the right.

"You and Lu are friends again so it's not so hard to guess." I point out while walking towards the left window. I look out and try to calm myself.

"I said I don't know." I try to stare ahead but still allow myself to catch a glimpse of her from the corner of my eye. Her arms were once again crossed around her waist, something I've seen her do whenever she was nervous and agitated about something. Her hair was shining more than usual from the light, and even with just looking at her profile, I could imagine the way her eyes must burn while being filled with so much sunlight, I wished I could stare at them right away.

I clench my jaw hard, hating myself for allowing her to invade my thoughts so easily, I also close my eyes for wanting to stare at hers even after everything she's said to me, I clench my hands and hold them tightly together behind my back for wanting to reach out to her and touch every part of her skin. I inhale deeply but all I could smell was that lingering scent of Jasmine that made my eyes sting with fresh tears.

"What's taking them so long?" I say with a frustrated growl and press both my hands against the window. I look at Carla who briefly glances my way with a pensive look before staring out the window again. She doesn't try to answer and a wave of anger rushes through me. I groan and turn towards her, "What do you think-"

"Why are you taking it out on me?" She interrupts me furiously while taking a few steps to stop right in front of me. "You're mad I get it, and maybe it's because of me, I also get that, but I'm not responsible for this, I don't know more than you do, so if you're going to keep on screaming at me for no reason, I won't even bother wait for them." She says with hard eyes that cut to me, sharp as a knife.

I swallow hard while staring at her eyes, clenching my jaw so tight I think it might snap. "I'm sorry." I say warming up with pride. She was right, among all the things she's done, this wasn't her fault. I take a few steps back and sit on a table. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to yell at you, it's just-" I sigh and let out a long deep breath.

She crosses her arms again and leans against the window, letting the light contour her delicate figure, the sun rays drawing bright streaks around her. Seeing her like that felt as if I was staring at the bright sun, blinding, strong, impossible. And there was no denying she felt as warm.

"It's fine." She says with finality.

I look at her with wonder and confusion, the Carla I know would've wanted to know what I was going to say, this one did everything in her power not to talk to me, she was avoiding me with every gesture she did. I decide then that I wanted her to talk to me, so I come up with a plan and deter to the conversation. "So you and Yeray are together now?"

She frowns and looks at me so intensely I almost regret asking, "Seriously?"

"I mean, he doesn't seem like your type that's all." I say and try not to smile at her expression. If teasing her was the only way to get her to say more than a couple words every time she opened her mouth then so be it. I had nothing to lose anyway.

"What would you know about my type?" she asks with a hurtful tone and I recoil a little. She was trying to hurt me again.

"I don't know. It's just that you two don't seem genuine with each other, and when you think of what Lu said to me while looking straight into my eyes the other day..."

She suddenly moves from where she was standing and walks away from me, "I don't know what you're talking about, I'm very happy with Yeray, he's fun and he makes me laugh and-"

"No, not really." I say with a confident tone. She turns around abruptly and I continue while staring right into her eyes, "The way you laugh when you're with him has nothing to do with that laugh I heard in the hall the other day, the one that seems so genuine and happy people turned their heads to see from where it was coming from, including me."

She swallows hard. There's no denying it, she's knows I'm right, I can see it in her eyes. "You don't know what you're talking about!"

"So you like him." I say with a relaxed voice. She takes a deep breath.

"Yes." Carla raises her chin and looks at me from above.

My mouth curves into a lazy smile while my hand grabs the side of the table firmly where she can't see it, I was playing it cool when in fact I was burning from the inside, I hate that she likes him. I was fuming which is why I try to tempt her more and defy her with my eyes, "What do you like about him?"

She hesitates and I raise my brows at her, "Everything. He's polite, sweet, fancy and he likes me a lot. I don't know he's just interesting." She says while facing the window again, her back at me so I couldn't see her face while she was saying those words.

I bite my lips and feel my heart twist every time she spoke about him. I'm losing this conversation, and I don't know if the way to get answers is to rage or submit. Her nonchalance and indifference makes me think the conversation is over. I try to hold on to it with everything I have in me.

"And I wasn't?" My question makes her tense and it takes her a long minute before she turns to look at me, her arms falling at her sides. Her eyes plead with me, begging me to stop whatever I was doing.

It's maybe the only topic I don't want to discuss, why wasn't I enough, yet it's the only thing I decide to ask about.

"Samuel I-" she struggles while looking down and I feel whatever pieces left of my heart break too. This must be what it feels like to free-fall without a net.

"It's fine." I say while looking away. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that." I stand up and start walking away regretting to ever have started this stupid conversation.

I'm almost at the door when I hear her throaty voice again, "I'd rather spend time with you." I stop dead in my tracks, my legs tremble from the sincerity of her confession, the shakiness of her voice, the pain in her words; I close my eyes and let them settle in me, they blend lovingly with every cell in my body.

I spring to life.

I turn around and face her again. She's still next to the window and I'm grateful for the space, the distance between us, because I wouldn't have stopped myself if I were close to her when she said that. I study her hands clenching and releasing at her sides, her eyes filled with tears, she looks so nervous, something I rarely saw in her, it's overwhelming and making my heart beat faster than ever. She takes a step forward and stops briskly when she sees me flinch a little, she then holds my gaze and whispers, "You're the most interesting person I know."

Her voice is small but even, and I can't tell if I'm feeling butterflies or barbed wire in my stomach. I can barely remember what the question was that got her to say those words to me, and I don't care. Only the sight of her face is enough to betray her need. She wanted me. That's all I could see. I walk towards her fast, my eyes burning into her.

She doesn't move, barely breathes, hardly blinks, not until our bodies collide. 𝒀𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒍𝒊𝒑𝒔, 𝒎𝒚 𝒍𝒊𝒑𝒔. 𝑨𝒑𝒐𝒄𝒂𝒍𝒚𝒔𝒑𝒆.

I firmly hold her head and she lets out a pained sigh before I kiss her hard, she tilts her head allowing me to deepen the kiss, her hands quickly making their way to my collar and fisting it tightly, I brush my lips intensely and passionately over hers, tasting her tears, or maybe they were mine, I push a hand in her hair and clench it tight, she moans into my mouth and does the same, her hands now floating in my hair in that soothing way that drove me wild.

It was the worst sort of denial, extreme self-torture to try to stay away from her, and I forced myself to bear it. Wanting to touch her but restraining myself. She tortured us both by pushing me away. The collar of my shirt parted as she slid the buttons from their holes, exposing my throat, then a glimpse of my chest, she breaks the kiss and looks at me with a heated stare.

"We should stop." She says between pants while wiping the traces of her lip gloss off my mouth with gentle fingers. Her lips were swollen from the passion of our kiss, the sensual curves softening into a mesmerizing smile.

"You think I can after what you just said?" A soft groan escapes me as I capture her lips again. She licks me leisurely with her tongue and the hair on my nape stand in attention.

"I didn't mean to overwhelm you." She says between kisses. I pull away immediately and grab her head in my hands again; I press my forehead against hers and force her to stare right into my heated gaze.

"Overwhelm me." I command roughly. She gives me one of those smiles that made my knees weak, her eyes burning with passion making the stars look overrated.

She grabs a hold of my jacket and pushes me backwards, kissing me deeply, thoughtfully, like she was doing it for the first time, or last. I grip her waist and lean against the table allowing her to settle between my spread legs, It would be a lie if I said it wasn't getting hard to stand, my knees were actually weak with desire. She did that to me. And it was harder still to resist the way she tasted me with her tongue.

She fists my hair in that demanding, possessive way I loved, titling my head up so she could curve around me, taking control over my body, her tongue licking deep into my mouth. I was shivering by the time I take off my jacket and untie what was left of my shirt, trying to pay the same attention to hers; I take off her jacket and throw it to the side.

She moans and I plant hungry kisses on her neck, gently stopping when I feel the cold chain of my necklace around her hot skin, I pull away and stare at the ring pendant that matched the color of her eyes, she freezes when she realizes why I wasn't kissing her anymore, she grabs my head in her hands and lifts my face to her, she touches my skin with a heated expression on her face but her eyes were saying something else.

They pleaded with me not to ask anything and just lose ourselves in the moment.

Bending her head with high patience, Carla presses her cheek against mine and waits for my reaction, her hands rooming over my hot skin and swaying through the long strands of my hair, trying everything to break my maddening restraint, she just waited and I did too. Silence settling slowly between us.

We stayed like that for a long minute, breathing each other, touching, soothing and loving. Love, it called to us, overwhelmed us. I felt the pull of it like magnet. Felt the melting inside me, the surrender, the way our bodies felt so right against each other, her soft curves matching my hard build. I caught her hands with mine and held them tight, my breath coming out hard and long.

There was a bond between us I was finally accepting, it transcended definition. It was so strong and intense we couldn't resist it.

"Carla." I say with so much love. She takes a deep breath and touches me with her nose, making my ragging heartbeat settle with deep beats.

"Samuel." The way she says my name, the longing I feel whenever she said it that way, overpowered me. She kisses me reverently, he lips soft and warm against mine, she takes her time; moving her lips against mine over and over again. Brokenly, desperately, breathlessly, giving up on air for the taste of me. I smile ecstatically into her mouth feeling drugged.

She was the cause of my euphoria, my happiness, my peace. She was my whole life.

"You're going to make me lose it, I'm right there." I say and press her intimately against me so she could feel how hard I was.

"I don't care." She grins and pushes her tongue inside my mouth, tasting and licking, my eyes closed at the feel of it. I was too far gone, too in love with her to care.

I shift and lift her off the floor settling her on the table, blocking the light of the window with my body, I step between her legs and touch her face, tracing her brows and jaw with my fingertips. "I love your control, it turns me on." She opens her eyes and stares at me intensely, I bite her bottom lip and whisper against her mouth, "but when you lose it, it drives me crazy to know I can do that to you. That you want me that much."

She closes her eyes, her forehead touching mine. She then tugs me closer, pressing her hands at my back, she caresses me there and digs her nails through the cotton of my shirt . "More than anything."

I was once again in awe for her, the ferocity of her need didn't hide her vulnerability; it revealed it. She wasn't afraid to show how much she wanted me. "And you trust me?" I ask with careful eyes, searching her face.

"More than anyone." She says without hesitation.

"Then talk to me." I whisper in a low voice. I feel her tense and firmly brush my lips against her, making her cling to me with need. I didn't want to push her. Whatever it was that made her stay away wasn't going to stay hidden forever. I just needed to be patient, I break our kiss and whisper against her cheek, "Maybe not today. Someday. Okay?"

She nods and I press sweet kisses on the delicate moles that adorned her forehead. I timidly pull away and grab both our jackets from the floor. I put hers on the table and rearrange my appearance. I fix my tie, put on my jacket and step between her legs again; she wraps her arms around my waist and presses our foreheads together. There was a pause. When she spoke again, her voice was markedly less heated. "I'm sorry."

I shake my head and press my hands on her cheeks feeling the warmth and softness I craved more than anything in life, I kiss her hard one last time, both of us breathing heavily, unable to get enough of each other. Tightening her grip on my shoulders, she pulls herself up and wraps her arms around my neck, flattening our bodies together. She grips me by the nape directing my mouth on hers, controlling the kiss completely; I squirm recalling every detail of our heated nights together, which was making it harder for me to let her go,

My voice was hoarse when I spoke after breaking the kiss, "You're making it hard for me to let you go."

"Don't ever let me go. I don't want you to." She confessed, making goose bumps swipe over my skin. "It's always going to be that way for me."

"You always have me with you." I say while holding her hand, I slowly lift it putting it on her necklace. She smiles lazily, "Wherever you are, wherever you go." I promise her.

She nods and I give us a few more minutes together, we stay silent, our bodies pressed against eachother, closely and vibrantly feeling every inch.

I grab her chin and force her to look me in the eyes, "Happy valentine's day baby." I murmur hotly against her mouth before I give it a smacking kiss, I hold her waist firmly at the same time, squeezing her tightly, my actions intensifying my words, my heartbeat starting to race at the feel of her body against mine. I grab her by the nape and devour her mouth, biting and sucking until we were both panting and breathless with desire.

We both open our eyes at the same time and just when I think about saying it, she whispers; "I know." I look at her beautiful eyes and watch her body go through motions of joy as if I said the words out loud.

She kisses my smiling mouth and I thank god for her. I didn't have to say them anymore. She knew.

I could let her go now. I still didn't like it, but the knot in my stomach had eased. Carla was still here. I somehow still had her. The rest didn't matter to me.

I turn away and leave. I head straight for class, smiling uncontrollably.

I only remember the reason for everything that just happened when I spot Lu leaning against the wall next to the door, a big satisfied grin on her face, I stop next to her with a knowing look that makes her realize I understood what she was after. I honestly was glad, I couldn't thank her enough.

"Did you really have to go through all of this?" I ask with a hidden grin.

"If you two weren't so damn stubborn then maybe not." She defends herself. I smile and step pass her, she suddenly stops me by grabbing my shoulder, she takes one of Carla's blond hairs off my jacket and whispers in my ear, "We don't want to steer things up yet do we?" she says while smoothing my the ends and fixing my appearance, her eyes studying my face before looking at Rebeka.

My mood darkens instantly. I nod and walk to our table.

I take a seat and wait for Rebe to ask me about where I was, I lie to her of course, and tell her I had to go see the principal for something regarding my behavior towards Polo, she doesn't question me for a second which only makes feel guiltier than before.

Yet that feeling somehow disappears from inside me as soon as Carla steps into the room, glowing and radiant as she was, making her way gracefully between people. She stops at her table on my right a few steps away from me and leans against it.

We're all sitting in class waiting for our next session, each one of us caught up in a discussion with someone, everyone except for Carla. She's just sitting on the table, looking sexy as hell with her legs crossed seductively, her shirt still slightly open, exposing most of her neckline and collar, my necklace beautifully settled on her chest, she hadn't bothered adjusting her appearance after out fierce confrontation earlier, making me lose my mind with lust every time I remembered that just moment ago, I had my lips on her.

Lu suddenly catches our attention when she makes her announcement.

"Everyone listen, I'm throwing a Party at my house tomorrow night for Valentine's Day, as you all know I never miss a year, and I just didn't feel like breaking the tradition especially since it's my last year. But it will be very different this year." We all smile as she passes the invites to each one of us.

I watch Carla frown at the piece of paper and ask Lu, "Reverse Valentines?"

"Si darling, and let's be honest, it become cheesy, and an old-fashioned tradition, and we girls are objectified but, that's all over now. I thought we could change things completely this year. Women in tuxedos and men effortlessly showing their skin to us for once." Carla makes a weird face and a small laugh escapes her.

I look at her and let that vibrant, beautiful sight wash over me; she was gorgeous no matter what she did. I close my eyes and savor the sweet warmth that spread through me at the thought of her lips on mine just moments ago. I don't even stop myself and let my mouth stretch into a genuine grin. When I open my eyes I find her staring at me, she smiles wider and holds my gaze, we let ourselves get pulled away while no one is looking, all of them too busy with the invites and Lu's instructions.

I had no idea what we were doing, because even after everything that's happened, we still refused to stop this attraction we felt whenever our eyes met, we stopped fighting it a long time ago, it was pointless, we were too drawn to one another, one glance was all it took for us to forget about the rest of the world.

We both snap out of our heated wordless conversation and turn towards the voice that broke our harmony.

"I expect all of you to respect the guidelines. And happy Valentine's Day." Lu starts clapping excitedly and walks towards Carla, she sweetly pulls her into a hug and whispers something in her ear and from the way Carla's mouth stretches into a shy and adorable smile, I can already guess what it was.

Lu suddenly turns to look at me; she smiles widely and gives me a wink. I grin and look away quickly trying to avoid getting caught.

I couldn't believe this was happening.

We were playing dangerously.

But I didn't seem to care. This felt right not matter how wrong it was.

**_Carla_ **

After the class is done, all start packing our stuff and getting ready to leave class, I put my tablet and notebook in my bag, while staring at Lu who's excitedly filling me in on details about the party. I honestly couldn't wait, everything seemed so perfect now that Samuel and I smoothed things between us, we didn't officially talk about everything but we were going to eventually. We just needed time.

"When did you change your mind?" I ask Lu curiously.

"When I saw you two miserably kiss other people in front of each other." She says while eying me and Samuel who's at the back of the class, packing his stuff. "I guess things are better now thanks to me."

"They are." I say impatiently, my stomach full of butterflies. "Gracias. You have no idea what you just gave me." I say while hugging her tightly.

"I got you bitch." We both start walking towards the door; I pull my phone out and find a text from Yeray.

_Yeray: Have you decided something about tomorrow?_

_Carla: Major change of plans. Lu is throwing a Reverse Valentine's Party. You better start thinking of what to wear._

_Yeray: So we're definitely going!_

_Carla: Absolutely._

_Yeray: Fine, I'll come by your house in a couple of hours._

I sigh with frustration, "He won't give me a break." I whisper angrily to myself. Lu stands by me and looks at the phone.

"Ugh, I don't know how you're standing him." She says while directing us out of class, making our way into the crowded halls.

We're walking slowly with Lu at my right, letting ourselves get carried away with thoughts and guesses of what the guys are going to wear for the party tomorrow. I instantly lose focus when I hear Samuel's voice behind us, speaking to Rebeka. I try my best not look back at him, and do my best to listen to whatever Lu is saying.

I hear his voice getting closer and closer, closing the distance between us despite the number of people in the hall. He walks fast until he's practically at my side, I tremble a little with anticipation by having him this close to me again, he smoothly leans closer to me, our shoulders touch while he swiftly and secretly brushes his hand over mine, caressing my palm with his fingers and sending shivers down my spine.

He doesn't look at me while doing that, his eyes fixed on Rebeka, the intimate gesture spurred a new level of confidence in me, I instantly follow his lead and push my fingers through his, squeezing his hand tightly. I look down at our joined hands trying to hide my smile.

My secret lover. The one who wasn't afraid to show how much he loved me, no matter what I did.

I loved him so much.

He smoothly brushes his hand from mine all while caressing it and just keeps walking without looking back at us, that brief moment of contact displaying so many unspoken words.

I feel you.

I have you.

I'm with you.

I stare at him walk away, warm amusement sliding through me, helping me ease the stress brought on by thinking of the days ahead. Mostly spent with Yeray.

I go home immediately after that and spend the afternoon daydreaming about Samuel and whatever the future held for us. Smiling at the ceiling of my room looking like a complete idiot, but I couldn't help it, he was my joy, the light in my world.

I jump when my phone signals an incoming text, I reach for it fast hoping it's Samuel.

_Yeray: I'm outside. Come down._

I sigh and throw my phone on my bed, remembering this nightmare I had to live every day. I walk to my wardrobe and put on a light pink sweater before making my way out of the room. I find him stepping out of a new yellow car he clearly just bought. He walks towards me gesturing at it with a proud look; I was indifferent to the highest level. I notice the bag he was carrying and gesture at it with a questioning look.

"It's for you." He says while handing it to me. He crosses his arms and waits for me to pick out whatever's inside.

I roll my eyes and take out the ugliest yellow dress I have ever seen in my life, it's tasteless to an infuriating point, I stare at it with disgust and look at him wait for my reaction with so much excitement. "For the party?" I ask and he nods happily. "Well I think you'll look very sexy in it, because it's for you right? The roles are reversed remember?"

"No, no no. I'm not going to make a fool out of myself on our first Valentine together just because your friend has gone all feminist.

I let out a long breath trying to calm myself, "Well we're the ones who are going to make fools out of ourselves if we don't follow the dress code. Everyone will stare at us."

"Let them stare then." He says confidently. I fist my hands at my side with irritation, the last thing I wanted was to been seen with him, worse was the thought of Samuel seeing us together again. "They'll see you look amazing, on my arm."

There had been times when I hated my face, hated that my looks attracted intense sexual interest, it made my skin crawl. Eventually, I got used to the attention, but not until Samuel did I begin to value who I was for my own sake. He never treated me that way, he saw me for who I was not what I stood to represent, and he broke my walls and made it okay for me to open up. He also took so much pleasure in looking at me. My eyes closed for a moment on a deep inhalation, remembering the intensity of his eyes whenever they were on me, filled with admiration and tenderness. And love. So much love.

I open my eyes and stare at him with a cold look, my eyes moving from his eyes to his feet, wondering why I even was bothering myself. "Actually I'd rather go alone." I say and hand him the dress.

"What does that mean?" he asks with frustration.

I'm about to break things with him when my father's voice steals my voice away.

"Nothing, how are you Yeray?" he's suddenly at my side shaking his hand. "Darling, don't be so difficult, you need to thank Yeray for the thoughtful gesture."

"Yeah sure, he did it for me right?" I say with furious eyes making it clear to him that I was fed up with all of this.

"Put that dress on and stop acting like a little girl." He commands and I shiver from the look on his face."Please." he says finally before saying goodbye to Yeray.

I felt as if I'd been punched in the gut. I didn't say anything more.

I swallow hard remembering what he was capable of doing if I ever tried standing up for myself, Samuel's life counted on it. I close my eyes accepting my fate and reality.

I will have to walk to that party tomorrow in someone else's arms, I will have to act normal and happy, I will have to see Samuel with Rebeka and stop myself from reaching out to him. All I want is the solace of his arms around me. More than that, I just wanted us to be together, with no fears or regrets.

I was starting to believe we would never be able to have that.

I already dreaded tomorrow's party. It was going to be torture. I could already feel it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter inspired by the song: apocalypse by cigarettes after sex
> 
> 'You've been locked in there forever  
> And they just can't say goodbye  
> Got the music in you baby, tell me why  
> Your lips, my lips, apocalypse'
> 
> Well this was by far the longest chapter i've ever posted, I hope it was worth it. I really wished to see them together on Valentine's day, the way Carla was looking at Samuel in the hall, her sad eyes despite her smile, ugh it just broke me. They deserved to have some happiness, but they got none. But hey that's what i'm here fot. I also wished to see them as secret lovers so I decided to write that too. I'd be happy to hear your thoughts on the story and chapter, I'd also like to see your suggestions for what could happen next, and I mostly just want to thank you for being here.
> 
> With so much love.  
> A.


	10. 𝑯𝒆𝒂𝒓𝒕𝒃𝒖𝒓𝒏 | 3x04 (Vol. 1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carla stumbles back a few steps, making me realize she was leaning against the door as well, maybe just like I was moments ago. Still in her yellow dress, she looks radiant, her bun now a bit messy, her eyes still sad, looking at me with so much love.
> 
> I have no idea how she got here, or why, and I don't care, she smiles at me tiredly as flashes of her coming to me like this buried in my mind spring to life. I don't hesitate and smile back at her, "I can't believe you're here."
> 
> *Ratings: mature  
> *Additional tags: seperation, secret lovers, Valentine's day...

**_Samuel_ **

I scanned the room unconsciously, my eyes looking for her without even realizing it; she did that to me, made me feel as anxious as excited to catch glimpse of her.

I inwardly close my eyes remembering hers, that emerald green, bright and dark all once, so expressive and attractive, captivating really, but they never looked more beautiful than when they were filled, a unique sight when it comes to her, a show of vulnerability that was so rare to see, but rewarding all together, proof that she cared.

That side of her stripped me to the soul.

My thoughts shifted back to where I was, I open my eyes and find hers, staring at me with an intensity that shook me from head to toe, I wanted her urgently¸ wanted to lose myself in her, and hated that I couldn't. Couldn't hold her close. Couldn't pull her body against mine, absorb her warmth, and let her touch chase the nightmares away. Nightmares of every awaking second spent without her.

There she was, in another man's arms, her hands around his waist, her head resting on his chest, her body pressed against his, her eyes... fixed on me.

And somehow that was enough, enough to make me hope for more, but the truth is; if all I could have from her, for the rest of my life, was that look on her face, I'd be okay with that. I absorbed that for a minute, accepted it; I didn't have her, and she didn't have me, and here we were, in the arms of people who loved us, begging each other for love.

Carla looked at me like I was the only one in the room, her eyes seeking mine and nothing else, like she couldn't resist.

My gaze slid over her features, the curve of her brows, the sadness in her eyes, the color of her golden hair that made the light of the room seem a little bit darker, emphasizing the warmth she was spreading, like sunshine on a cloudy day, and when I let myself get carried by it, by her; I could almost feel her lips against my skin.

Her kisses were benedictions, promises that what we had was real when I doubted it most. I stilled; my heart racing in my chest. Moments ago she was kissing another man, right in front of me, she knew I would see it, and that didn't stop her, she was aware of my pain, she maybe wanted me to feel it. I turn away, my heart shattering.

I didn't matter, I never did and I never will.

I'm not hers and she was never mine.

**_Carla_ **

My eyes water at the sight of him, in her arms, holding her close, my throat burned, I wanted to run to him so badly, but how could I when I was the one who put distance between us, I pushed him away when all I wanted was to cling to him, he made me that weak, never have I felt like this before, powerless, hopeless, desperate.

He refused to look at me, avoiding my stares with every move, I hurt him that badly, he turned to her when I wanted him to turn to me, if only he knew how much I needed to look at him, how much I missed the color of his eyes, how those mere seconds of eye contact kept me standing, how my heart broke every time he looked away, every time he looked at her.

His face was emotionless, a mystery to me, I couldn't come to guess what he was thinking; my fingers tickled with the urge to smooth the arch of his brows, to bring back that smile on his face, the precious dimple my lips ached to kiss.

His smiling face was contagious, inviting mine carelessly; I enjoyed looking at him so much, the wrinkles forming on each side of his dreamy brown eyes, the upturn of the corners of his kissable mouth, a smile that would always give me butterflies.

His was the prettiest I've ever seen, coming from deep inside to light his eyes and spread into every part of him. It just seemed so genuinely sweet with just the right touch of shyness; I could spend the rest of my days staring at it.

Samuel smiled so rarely, but his smile turned to be one of addictions, I wished to put one on his face very often, appreciate him for everything he was: pure, good, real. I needed him in my life right now more than ever before. His love was a blessing and he loved me. It was hard to believe at times.

When the words came out of his mouth for the first time, I almost believed I just imagined it; I froze, his declaration taking control over my senses, I stood there shocked by his honesty, I stood in the face of his courage and doubted my own. I chose to believe he was still playing.

I wished he never said it, I wish he could say it again. I wish I could say it back.

Three words. Eight letters.

The thought of him saying it to someone else made me die inside, I looked at him kiss her, her arms wrapped around his head in that way I loved, the way he loved.

I would give anything to be in her place, I hated she had him that way, hated that she could hold him and I couldn't, but she would never know how much he liked having my hands in his inky hair, how much he responded to my fingers pulling at the ends of every strand, how he kissed me every time I did it.

I close my eyes with remembered pleasure, not able to contain the rough flow of memories that filled my mind; I felt my tears running down my cheeks and pressed my face in Yeray's shirt, hiding away what could be _an honest confession of my love_.

**_Samuel_ **

Around 3am, I was getting ready to go home, the party was still on but I just didn't want to stay any longer, Rebe seemed to be enjoying herself so she decided to stay and then go spend the night with Nadia, I thought that will do her good; after she's been staying with me and Valerio she could use some girl talk and just to have fun, so I left the party early and came back home.

I honestly couldn't bear to be with Rebe tonight, when all I could think of was Carla, the thought of her made me shiver, the look on her face, the longing I felt when she didn't turn away, how much I regret doing it instead of her.

I miss her so much, I never thought I would feel this way without her, never came close to thinking it would hurt this bad seeing her with someone else, yet here I was, angry at myself, at her, at everyone, so lost I may never find my way.

If I knew how much it would hurt me to hurt her, I would never have done what I did, I would've given up everything for her, nothing matters to me now that I've lost her, If only she knew. If only I could take back time so I could have her in my arms again, appreciate every moment, and worship every gesture from her, every smile, every kiss...

With a sigh, I pull my phone out of my pocket while heading for the couch; I sit and check people's stories, hoping for something that would take my mind of her.

As stories pass, my mind begins to slip further from her; starting with Polo's, he seems happy with Valerio and Cayetana, they're dancing and enjoying life, he's so careless about all the pain he's caused to everyone, starting with Marina, then Guzman, Carla and me...

I feel a wave of anger move through me, my hands clenching into fists as I furiously slam one on the table, my eyes closing, trying to get pass, to overcome this rage I can't seem to shake.

I rapidly switch to Lu's story; she's dancing and seems happy, Guzman is with her, he's drinking and laughing happily, I smile at that for a moment. My gaze moves to Omar and Ander kissing behind them, and then out of the blue...

I freeze, the sight of her was like running into a wall I hadn't known was there, my breath catches, my hands get all sweaty and a heavy surge of excitement captures me. I swallow hard, and pause the story...

She looked so beautiful, so sensual and feminine, like sunshine warming up my cold heart, I don't think I'll ever get over how beautiful she was, how warm she felt and made me feel in return, how distant...

My eyes sting, she would never be just a girl, she was _ferocity sheathed in elegance, perfection veined with flaws_ , the first and last girl I would ever love and that realization made my heart ache.

"What I wouldn't do to have you back..." I whisper to myself, alone in my apartment, the silence driving me crazy.

Suddenly, the door bell rings, lifting my head from my phone, after staring at her for god knows how long, I sigh and hope it's Valerio, hope it's not Rebecca; who I love and care about but, no one could make me feel better now. No one but Carla.

I reach the door and take a moment to pull myself together, my hand on the door knob ready to open it, and then I stop abruptly. I inhale deeply, my insides quiver, my body responding naturally. It's hers; the smell of her perfume envelopes me, electrifying every cell in my body.

"Joder, I must be going insane" I mumble to myself. But it's still there, I wait for it to go but it doesn't, not when I rub my face with my hands, not when I press my forehead on the door, and certainly not when I open it, right then and there it intensifies, washing over me in waves as I push the door aside.

Carla stumbles back a few steps, making me realize she was leaning against the door as well, maybe just like I was moments ago. Still in her yellow dress, she looks radiant, her bun now a bit messy, her eyes still sad, looking at me with so much love.

I have no idea how she got here, or why, and I don't care, she smiles at me tiredly as flashes of her coming to me like this buried in my mind spring to life. I don't hesitate and smile back at her, "I can't believe you're here."

**_Carla_ **

"I can't believe I'm here." I think to myself.

I don't remember when exactly have I decided to come here, it's like my body took control, I actually lost control the day I lost him, but that's another story.

I left the party pretty drunk, Yeray took me home, insisted on spending the night but there was no way, I couldn't be with him, not tonight, or any other night really, but I had to, I ended up saying I was too tired and he kindly accepted it and left.

I stood there under the moonlight in front of my house, shivering at the cold breeze pulling me out of my haze, my eyes opening slowly. Breathing in and out, I suddenly didn't feel like going inside, the thought of staying out more tempting, enjoying the moonlight, enjoying it with him.

Him.

I only seem to enjoy things when I'm with him.

_Samuel Garcia; I can't get you out of my head._

I look up and stare at the moon shining in the dark sky. To me, he was the moon, and only the moon would illuminate my dark sky. Without second thought, I pull my jacket over my shoulders and head out.

I walk; I don't think twice about it and just walk, my steps long and ungraceful, so unlike me, my heart racing; flashes of our memories together going through my head. I remember the last time I went to his apartment, I laugh inwardly as I recall how hard I had slapped him, how I hated myself the second I did, how hurt I was that I had hurt him, how I unconsciously told him that I had lost him. I realized then that he would be more than just a boy, he was gentleness, imperfection, strength...

He was the love of my life, and losing him would be to lose myself. And I was lost. But I don't want to be anymore. I'm going to find my way back to him.

I hold my head high, not afraid of my choice, because I choose him, and he could never be wrong. And if my father thinks he is _ _completely wrong for me_ _ then I absolutely don't want to be right.

I arrive at last. I can't feel my legs, or face from the cold. I stop in front of his door. I reach for the door bell, stopping right before hitting it, thinking of every possibility. The fear of not finding him or having him be with someone made my hands shake, but nothing can stop me. I ring the bell and wait, my heartbeat a ticking clock, feeling every single pound in my chest.

I wait for what seems to be a lifetime, he's definetely not home yet, I almost cry at the thought. I take a step forward and press my forehead on the door, fighting a mixture of emotions, feeling every single heartburn. And just when I thought my world had gone dark, the door opens.

I stumble back a few steps, frightened to look up, I take a deep breath and the smell of his perfume settles in the deepest corners of my head. I look up and find his eyes; his beautiful face ragging with emotion, as if he was fighting his imagination. I smile at him unconsciously not resisting anymore.

"I can't believe you're here" he says.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter inspired by the song: yellow by emmit fenn
> 
> 'Look at the stars  
> Look how they shine for you  
> And everything you do  
> Yeah, they were all yellow.'
> 
> This was in fact the first chapter I ever wrote in this story, and it was the one that made want to rewrite s3. I remember sharing it on twitter and people asking me to continue writing because they loved it? So i had to adapt the rest of the story to it and you know the rest. I hope you enjoyed it and let me know what you think.
> 
> With so much love.  
> A.


	11. 𝑬𝒇𝒇𝒐𝒓𝒕𝒍𝒆𝒔𝒔𝒍𝒚 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓𝒔 | 3x04 (Vol. 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steam curled around us as we stood in the shower, our bodies pressed against each other, my wet hair clinging to his chest, his hands stroking the length of my spine, gentling me. I close my eyes, shutting it all out, everything except him.
> 
> "Feel good?" he whispers.
> 
> I nod. Because you're near.
> 
> We stand there for a long moment, holding each other, surrounded by steam and things we couldn't tell eachother.
> 
> *Ratings: mature  
> *Additional tags: Samuel taking care of Carla...

**_Carla_ **

"I can't believe you're here" he says.

_Neither do I but there's nowhere else I'd rather be._

He walks towards me stopping right in front of me, our bodies so close I could feel his warmth; he grabs my cold hands and looks up at me, his eyes watering, "You're cold."

_But I have you to warm me up._

I nod.

His next move takes my breath away.

He brings my hands to his mouth and blows, his warm breath swaying through my fingers and reaching my face. My eyes sting with tears, my emotions too big to contain.

I loved him so much.

"Did you walk?" he asks; his attention still on my hands that were now warm. I nod again, not able to speak. He looks down at my feet, his face turning grim at the sight of my high heels; understanding how painful it must've been to have walked in them all this way...

"Come inside; let me take care of you..." When I don't answer, he gently wraps me up in his arms lifting me like I weighted nothing at all. I hold on to him, praying for this not to be a dream.

Samuel carries me to the bathroom, he slowly sets me down and kneels before me to take off my shoes, one foot at time, massaging my ankles, sending shivers through my body. Noticing the effect his touch had on me, he looks up and smiles.

Standing up, he carefully reaches for my hair with one hand; letting it fall down, the strands settling rhythmically around my shoulders. He takes a few in his hand and brings them to his nose, inhaling deeply.

"Wash it away." I don't hesitate and burry my face in the crook of his neck; the smell of his skin additive, I whisper "All of it."

He takes off my dress patiently, unhurriedly, kissing each of my shoulder blades, as if we had all the time in the world.

I reward him with the same attention and press a kiss on his chiseled chest, wrapping my arms around his waist, enjoying the rare moment of having him all to myself. And in that moment, I knew that nothing else mattered when we had each other.

He then starts stripping; patiently taking off his clothes, and carelessly distracting me with the sight of his glorious hard body. He grew stronger with each day, his passion for boxing affecting each part of his body; his muscles were hard and well defined, his build lean yet powerful and elegant.

He steps towards me after he finishes, a little smirk on his face after he's noticed me staring; he walks past me, his body slightly touching mine, I shiver as he turns on the water and gets in first, waiting for it to get warmer. Always putting me first.

When the hot water comes he reaches for me and pulls me to him.

Steam curled around us as we stood in the shower, our bodies pressed against each other, my wet hair clinging to his chest, his hands stroking the length of my spine, gentling me. I close my eyes, shutting it all out, everything except him.

"Feel good?" he whispers.

I nod. _Because you're near._

We stand there for a long moment, holding each other, surrounded by steam and things we couldn't tell eachother.

He lets go of me and moves to stand behind me, he takes his shampoo and I reach out to the wall in front of me for balance.

I drift in bliss and moan as he washes my hair, his magic fingers massaging my scalp, blending lovingly with the soaked strands, I shiver lightly when he pulls me by my hair, directing my face towards his, his lips slanting over mine.

He savors me, devours me, and I kiss him back with everything I have.

He pulls away, our breath catching.

He kisses me on the tip of the nose then moves his attention to my body; the smell of his lotion hits me first, stirring my hunger for him, before feeling his soapy hands all over me, pampering me, spoiling me, worshiping me.

He washes every part of me lovingly, and I quickly set my hands on his shoulders, "I'm going to fall. " I whisper drunk with pleasure.

"And I'm going to catch you. Always." He vows.

"I don't want this to end..." I murmur sadly, my voice breaking.

My words set him off. He pulls back slowly, his gaze gliding over my face. He lowers his head to press his cheek against mine and whispers back: "Then talk to me."

I close my eyes remembering everything I couldn't tell him.

How his life depended on it.

"What if we didn't talk about why we can't be together, what of we just enjoy being together..." I say hoping he would forget all the questions going through his head.

"What if we talk about how hurt I was seeing you in another man's arms, kissing him?" he says back, his eyes growing hot and dark, all the warmth leaving his beautiful face. "It shredded me, Carla. Even the memory of it takes me to a dark place, makes me want to hit things. Why are you doing this to us?"

I try to break our embrace but he refuses to let me go.

"No, no more running!" He holds on to me; his right hand cupping my nape, the other firmly wrapped around my waist.

"Do you think I like this? Having to hide all the time?" I scream at him, my temper getting the best of me. "And how do you think I felt?" I shoot back, my fingers firmly cupping his jaw to bring his face closer to mine, "And you were kissing her too."

The thought of him with Rebeka sends a wave of anger through my whole body.

My jealousy and possessiveness was unmistakable.

He was mine and I wanted everyone to know it.

"You pushed me away, I told you I loved you, and you still left. What else should I have done?" He grips the sides of my throat, his thumbs beneath my chin to push it up, his yes locked on mine. "You're all I want Carla, there's no one else. There will never be anyone else."

He stares at me for a long minute then...

"I love you." he lets go of every syllable deliberately, pausing after each word to emphasize its importance, like a promise. "And no one could ever change that."

I just look at him, admiring his every feature, brushing wet fingertips over his brows, at a loss of what to say.

My tormented lover, he was so beautiful, so passionate, and so in love with me. That made me smile.

"Kiss me." I whisper, afraid it was the only show of affection I could offer. I couldn't say it back, not when I couldn't be with him. Not when my father threatened to kill him.

Offering my lips, he doesn't hesitate and takes them; as if he was dying to, he puts his hand in mine and brings it to his glorious hair, the feel of it making me clench it tight, pulling at it.

He then immediately catches my wrist and pulls one of my hands down to press flat over his heart, the hairs on my arms stand to attention as I feel every pounding beat, so loud that it seemed to want to escape his chest: _a physical confession of how vulnerable he was when it came to me._

He kisses me softly, urgently, reverently, erasing the memory of anyone else's lips on mine.

"Your kisses are mine!" he murmurs, the command in his voice was unmistakable..

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter inspired by the song: are you still with him by kina & essence
> 
> 'Reaching to my soul  
> oh where you belong  
> are you still with him  
> I don't want to know.'
> 
> I realize this is a very short chapter, but like I've said before, it's the very first I've written in this fic and at first I had no intention of writing the whole thing, so when I did I had to split it into 3 parts and that didn't really help with the length if each one. Still I hope you enjoy it and to make it more bearable I will post the next tomorrow !
> 
> With so much love.  
> A.


	12. 𝑪𝒐𝒏𝒇𝒆𝒔𝒔𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔 | 3x04 (Vol. 3)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The desire that always smoldered between us flared, making us feel vibrant and alive. I gracefully spin us into a dance; we sway barefoot in the middle of the room, our bodies taking control, the moonlight coming through the window making us the sole focus of the room.
> 
> "Why did you say my name like that?" I ask carefully.
> 
> "Because I love you." She bluntly sets the words free and my steps go to an abrupt stop before I open my eyes, shocked and overwhelmed, the world stopping because we stopped dancing.
> 
> *Ratings: mature  
> *Additional tags: Carla saying 'i love you back'

**_Samuel_ **

I wrap both of us in towels as soon as we step out of the shower; she feels dizzy and looks happy as ever, her eyes dreamy and soft, her cheeks always rose-colored like a spring rose, as if she's shy all the time, I know for a fact that she was everything but.

I stare at her lips; pink and swollen from my kisses, inviting for more.

I lift both my hands and trace her eyebrows, my eyes rooming over her head, taking in the slicked-back hair the color of wheat, so unlike mine, I smile as I think of how we would look in someone else's eyes, the contrast between us, like complementary opposites.

The sun and the moon.

Still, I just look at her and see myself.

I lean forward and press a sweet kiss on the corner of her smiling mouth, then plant another on her luscious dimple, feeling her smile wider. I smile back as I move to her eyes, kissing each of them with the same attention I give to each part of her beautiful body.

Pulling back; my heart twists in my chest as I trace the unfamiliar dark circles under her eyes, noticing the smudges left by her makeup on her freckled skin, the sheen of water on her golden skin.

My golden girl, her face softens at my touch before pressing her cheek against my chest and hugging me lovingly. "Are you like this with her?"

I pull her closer without thinking, my fingers drawing tiny circles on her back. "Don't go there." I command but I already feel her tense.

I resist for a second before I let go of her and leave the bathroom.

I go to my room, open my wardrobe and pick the red hoodie I wore this morning, I go back to the bathroom and find her right where I left her, her eyes looking down, her hands playing with the towel, as if she couldn't move without me, as if she was dependent of me.

"I'm here. I'm not going anywhere". I reassure her and give her the hoodie, press a kiss on her forehead then ask her to get dressed and join me in the living room.

I turn my back to her and pray for all this to be more than just a dream.

**_Carla_ **

I find him sitting on the couch as I step into the open living room. I loved his house so much, it was very different than mine, smaller, simpler, warmer... _I felt like home here more than I ever did in my house._

I nervously play with the hems of his hoodie, my gaze riveted to the boy my heart wouldn't stop beating for; he wore black pajama bottoms that hung low around his hips. Nothing else. And he still looked so handsome, so vibrant and attractive.

I had never seen hair that purely black, so glossy and smooth my hands clenched against the urge to touch it.

His hands were propped on his knees, his head bowed, lost in thought. I would give anything to know what he was thinking.

Samuel instantly looks up, as if he sensed my presence. His gaze intense and focused. Focused on me. My eyes burned just from looking at him.

I walk over to where he was sitting, his eyes never leaving mine, I sit next to him; our shoulders touching, our bodies close but never close enough.

I was about to say something when he suddenly lifts me off the couch, his arm reaching around my back as he pulls me into his lap, cradling me close. "That's better," he says pressing his nose in the crook of my neck to breathe me in, "You also smell like me." He chuckles, his laugh is throaty and overwhelming.

I bite back a laugh and hug him; unable to resist the feel of his body against mine, my fingers play with the strands nearly brushing his collar now, his hair growing more and more since the last time I had my hands on it.

"I love the way you smell," I tell him softly, nuzzling against him. He was so warm, his body harder and stronger now. "There's something about it. It calms me down, makes me feel safe, like I belong here, with you. It's also one of the things that made me realize I'm yours."

He stays quite for a long minute, his hand searching for mine, linking our fingers together. "For the night anyway..." he admits, his lips twisting ruefully. He looks up and fists my hair with his other hand, "You confuse me you know that?"

I don't answer because I know it wasn't a question.

"And to answer your question from earlier," He continues searching my face, his eyes locked on mine, "No, I'm not like this when I'm with her. I'm not like this with anyone else. Only you, understand?"

He kisses my neck, taking a deep breath, "She doesn't smell like you" then moves to my jaw, planting one of those sensual kisses that made my head dizzy, "She also doesn't taste like you." He whispers hotly with a look that screamed sex.

Brushing the loosened tresses of my hair behind my ear, he whispers slowly, "She doesn't sound like you, doesn't feel like you, move the way you do."

He kisses me again and I feel like the stars are dancing across my skin.

I hold his head and press a kiss on the scar of his right eyebrow before he continues, "She doesn't touch me the way you do, see me the way you do, need me the same way," he takes my head in his hands, "No one does. Only you."

My breath catches, my chest rising and falling uncontrollably, his words floating in my head. He waits for me to say something, his hand running up and down my back.

"I'm sorry" I manage finally.

_Sorry I hurt you, sorry I left you, sorry I couldn't be brave like you._

My fingertips brushed over his striking face. "And thank you. I know it's not enough for what you gave me today, but thank you."

Closing his eyes, he leans his forehead against mine. "You're welcome."

We fit so perfectly together, my curves aligning pefectly with his sculpted lines. I've honeslty never felt this connected to someone before. Not even Polo who was with me for as long as I could remember.

Samuel was the only one to really show me what connection really was, I felt him everywhere, physically and emotionally. Soulfully even.

"I wanted to dance with you today." I admit with brutal honesty, the words coming out of my mouth without my consent. But god, it felt good to say it out loud, I wanted him to know everything, I wanted everyone to know that I belonged to him, and that he belonged to me.

No one would ever think of us this way, wrapped up in each other's arms, our hands uncontrollably seeking each other.

I wanted that to change so badly. "I really wish it were you, Samuel."

**_Samuel_ **

My chest expands on an unsteady breath that reaches the golden strands of her long hair, my eyes wide open staring at her directly, her words vibrating through me, a feeling of euphoria consuming me.

I couldn't believe how lucky I was, to have her here with me, trying her best to give me all she can. I felt privileged to have her. To be the one who made her feel this way.

I stare at her lips, unable to form an answer with my mine because I was so focused on hers. I grab her by the nape and kiss her passionately.

I adored the feel of her mouth on mine, the intoxicating tenderness, the sensual lines softening when she surrendered to me, something that was so unlike her. Only with me.

I explode into movement, standing with her in my arms, in one powerful surge. She wraps her arms around my neck and whispers. "I love how strong you are."

I laugh as I kiss her and walk to the center of the room; I devour her and wonder if It'll ever get esaier to pull away, I give her one last lingering kiss before setting her down.

Holding her in my arms, I rest my forehead against hers; swaying from side to side, "It's never too late." I whisper.

"But we have no music!" she smiles at me.

"Ah, yes." I pull my phone out with one hand, still holding her with the other, refusing to let go of her, I turn the screen slightly towards her so she can go through the list of songs with me. She doesn't make any suggestion though, she just waits.

I loved her madly for that. Loved that she wanted to know more about what I liked.

 _God was I lucky to have her_.

"Mmm, let's see." I keep going through the songs and make a final stop. My finger pressed against the song I believed was right.

I look at her.

Carla's green eyes take on a new color, brighter, full of light and hope, prettier than I've ever seen them before. She smiles slowly, heavenly, a smile I have never seen before, her eyes closing softly. She then instinctively wraps her arms around my neck, her fingers fisting my hair roughly, her forehead once again resting against mine.

**_*Song playing: La Habitación Roja – Indestructibles*_ ** **_  
_ **

My choice of the song was entirely for us, a chance of erasing the memory of anyone else, of recreating every moment that broke us, of dancing to that rhythm once again but this time in each other's arms.

A promise for whenever she remembered tonight, she would only remember us. My goal to create treasured memories like this between us: a priority.

"Samuel." she says my name with such longing I feel the earth shift beneath my feet; I squeeze her body to mine, my bare chest pressed against her, leaving nothing between us, always closer, but never close enough.

We both feel each other's hearts, rythmically beating as one.

Entwined.

The desire that always smoldered between us flared, making us feel vibrant and alive. I gracefully spin us into a dance; we sway barefoot in the middle of the room, our bodies taking control, the moonlight coming through the window making us the sole focus of the room.

"Why did you say my name like that?" I ask carefully.

"Because I love you." She bluntly sets the words free and my steps go to an abrupt stop before I open my eyes, shocked and overwhelmed, the world stopping because we stopped dancing.

_She loves me back._

The words echoed in my ears like a song I couldn't stop listening to. And just because this seemed too good to be true.

"Say that again." I say, eagerly, impatiently, breathlessly...

"I love you." She says, repeating the words as I did before, every word setting my body on fire, a declaration that was too good to be true, too real, too perfect, so much like her. "I love you more than anything i've ever loved in my life."

She just proved to me that she was; not only the girl I fell in love with, but the only girl I will ever love, and that this feeling I have for her will grow deeper than words could ever describe.

I retaliate with a deep kiss, captivated by all she was, her embrace the most wonderful feeling in the world.

Cupping my nape, she pulls my mouth down to meet hers. As our lips touch, our rhythm springs to life. Our bodies intertwined.

The music spins around us lifting away gravity. The lyrics of the song telling the story of our love hours ago. A story we refused to let go of. A story we chose to write together with love. Bringing my lips to her ear, I reform them.

**_Y es que a pesar de todo aún no sé qué es lo que pasó_ **

_"And in spite of everything, I still don't know what happened..._ And I don't care" I add decisively.

**_Y tú y yo éramos tan felices_ **

_"And you and I were so happy..._ And we still are." We both smile.

**_Y tú y yo éramos indestructibles_ **

_"And you and I were indestructible..._ We are now more than ever before." I promise her.

**_Éramos indestructibles_ **

_"We were indestructible..._ And we will always be." I vow as I kiss her and lift her off the floor.

_Unlike the heartbroken singer, we were together and we had each other. And we were in love; we made mistakes but learned from them, we drifted apart only to find our way back to one another. We were in love. And it wasn't a game._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter inspired by the song: la habitación roja – indestructibles
> 
> 'you and i were so happy  
> and you and i were indestructible  
> we were indestrutible.'
> 
> The title of the story is taken from this song as this was my very first idea when it comes to this fic, Samuel and Carla secretly dancing to that song again but this time in each other's arms, alone together and away from evreything else. It's so pure and it's definetly something they'd done if the writers weren't such screw ups. Your thoughts and comments are always welcomed, so feel free to throw in a word or a hundred.
> 
> With so much love.  
> A.


	13. 𝑻𝒐𝒈𝒆𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓 𝒊𝒏 𝑺𝒊𝒍𝒆𝒏𝒄𝒆 | 3x05 (Vol. 1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I look down at Carla's face finding her eyes closed, a pure smile decorating her lips. I stare at her face with glittering eyes appreciating her for wanting to treasure memories like this between us. "You look so happy." I whisper.
> 
> "I am." She says instantly, her hands came up and pushed through my hair, combing it back from my forehead with a gentleness that left me speechless, "If so, you've made me this way."
> 
> "I still can't believe this." I confess, my hands making their way under my hoodie and caressing her warm bare back softly. "I waited too long for you to say it."
> 
> "I know." She whispers slowly. "But I've always felt it. Always."
> 
> *Ratings: mature  
> *Additional tags: The night after...

**_Samuel_**  
I surrendered to Carla's words, thankful that we were finally honest with each other. Her confession struck me more than anything in my life, her love for me, and her surrender. That same feeling effervesced within me, lightening my steps until it felt like we were gliding and floating on calm water. Wrapping her up in my arms, I rest my cheek against the top of her head and sway her from side to side, rocking her body tightly against mine. We danced like that throughout the whole song and into another, unable to let go of each other.

I look down at Carla's face finding her eyes closed, a pure smile decorating her lips. I stare at her face with glittering eyes appreciating her for wanting to treasure memories like this between us. "You look so happy." I whisper.

"I am." She says instantly, her hands came up and pushed through my hair, combing it back from my forehead with a gentleness that left me speechless, "If so, you've made me this way."

"I still can't believe this." I confess, my hands making their way under my hoodie and caressing her warm bare back softly. "I waited too long for you to say it."

"I know." She whispers slowly. "But I've always felt it. Always."

Her words vibrate through me, making me feel dizzy with love; I urgently press my face in her neck, breathing her in, the smell of her skin electrifying every cell in my body, and so did the taste of her it. Carla melts into my touch, her whole body curving against mine, she tilts her head back allowing me to explore her neckline with my tongue, I kiss and suck on her sensual skin and she lets out a soft moan.

She then brings her lips to my ear and grabs my earlobe with her teeth making me groan with pleasure. "Carla!" I growl and press her hard against my body.

"Take me to bed." She commands hotly in my ear.

My eyes widened. My blood hummed through my veins. That was all I needed. I kiss her hard and lift her off the floor, her legs instinctively wrap around my waist. A throaty purr of appreciation escapes her lips and I hitch her higher against my body, having to look up at her stunning face.

"Do you have any idea what you do to me?" I groan against her mouth and she smiles seductively, her irises turning into a ragging forest fire.

"I have ideas." She hums while licking inside my mouth. I lose my mind from the feel of her tongue, teasing and tasting mine, like she couldn't get enough. My whole body shivers.

Carla was with no doubt the only woman to stir such hunger inside me, I was constantly fighting this battle inside me, trying to accept that she will always be the only one to get this kind of reaction from me. She owned me, owned my pleasure and love.

Her hands were everywhere, sliding through my hair and over my bare shoulders, digging into my back to urge to me take her towards the bedroom. She wanted this as much as I did and maybe even more. Her urgency and need burning through me, the scent and heat of her skin intoxicated me, made me feel drunk with lust and longing. My lips rive over her face, kissing everywhere I could reach.

"What are you waiting for?" she asks and I walk fast to the bedroom. I step inside and shut the door hard with my foot, inciting a laugh from her that spread across the room.

I set her down slowly and she immediately goes for the drawstring of my pants. My whole body's temperature rises, I practically was fuming by the time she gets the knot open and lets them fall to the ground.

Standing before her completely naked, Carla's eyes roam over me from head to toe; the heat of her eyes as she watched made my blood rush to my core. I was hard instantly.

She licks her lips while moving closer to me, pressing her still clothed body against mine, "This," she says while pressing her palms flat against my abs and lowering them slowly, "is mine." She finishes before wrapping her hands around me.

I nod with a hissed intake of air. It was getting hard to straighten my legs, my knees weak with desire. I take her lips while my hands travel underneath her hoodie. I find her breasts. They felt heavy and tender beneath my hands. I squeeze them gently with a groan that sent goose bumps travelling on her sensitive skin. She pulled away and swiftly took off her clothes, joining me. Electricity arced between us, the instinctive recognition that we were made to fit together perfectly. It made us struggle with breath, the sight of our bodies too much for us to take, too strong, too intimate.

I move slowly towards her and lift my hands to her face, I feel her body shake before she grabs my wrists and stares at me deep in the eyes. "Make love to me, Samuel."

I let out a long shuddering breath and kiss her passionately, I press her body tightly against mine and settle us both on the bed dragging her beneath me, I felt every inch of her soft skin against mine, her body warm like the sun, igniting mine in flames. I aligned my body to hers and felt her soften, her hands pushing through me hair while she devoured my lips.

I held myself with both arms tucked against her sides, my legs tangling with her, the coarse hair on my calves stimulating chills all over her legs. Breaking the kiss, she nipped my bottom lip steering my hunger for her.

Carla was a dangerous lover, one who defied me with her every movement, the fact she could get me this greedy with just a few words was hard to believe. I never thought I would find this sort of connection with anyone, I felt it everywhere, all the time, only with her. She was the most precious thing in my life.

I lower my body onto her, her warmth was divine I took a moment to savor it; her breasts pressed tightly against my chest, making my heart beat faster. She moans in appreciation and buries her face in my neck; she presses soft kisses all the way to my jaw and cheek and whispers my name hoarsely against my skin.

I grab her face in my hands and force her to look at me, her skin is moist, eyes shining, lips pretty pink curving into a dark seductive grin. I pause a moment holding her gaze, I bring my lips close to hers and breathe hard and loud. She swallows hard and I shove inside her. She screams into my mouth, arching her back and writhing to accommodate me. I fist her hair in my hands and muffle her scream with a hard kiss, her lean fingers kneading restlessly into my flesh.

Through the roaring of blood in my ears I hear her moan my name and whisper hotly against my swollen lips, "I love you."

The sight of her like this, in my embrace aroused me to the point of pain; her words rushing over me in powerful spasms, racking my body with violent shudders.

Grabbing hold of both her hands in mine, I press them hard against the bed and squeeze them into fists; I thrust deep, rolling my hips, screwing into her. Our fingers turning white with the force of my grip. But neither of us seemed to care.

Folding over her, I kiss her shoulder, my breath gusting hot and fast over the crook of her neck. Her chest heaving against mine, Carla caresses my thighs, her heels running up and down my legs while my bruising grip on her hands eases. She swiftly grabs hold of my face, her lips moving against my skin while taking over and pushing me on my back into a sitting position so she could straddle me. 

I groan her name while she wraps her legs around my waist, still face to face, our eyes fixed, our bodies closer than ever, she lowers herself onto me and I grit my teeth tightly, feeling every burning inch of her. I circle her with his arms, urging her into my warm, sweaty chest. "Fuck!" I rush out, feeding my words into her hungry mouth. "What you do to me..." I say and shudder at the feel of her body against mine.

"I'm close." She moans and wraps her arms around my neck; she fists my hair and pulls herself onto me more furiously.

"You'll kill me." I admit, her statement making me hot. I move my hands up her back and firmly grip her by the nape, I thrust upward and she keeps her promise, she arches her back and loses herself in an explosive orgasm, I watch her face convulse with pleasure and my muscles harden from my restraint to squeeze her body harder than I should.

"I love you." The feel of her coming and the intensity of her eyes while saying that sparked my orgasm. Pressing her body tighter with mine, I let go and come hard inside her, I growl loudly and press my face in her hair.

Inaudible words pass between us at that moment. Both of us hold each other tightly, refusing to let go, I press sift kisses on her neck trying to calm her ragging heart beat and she mirrors my actions with soothing fingers that move and sway through my hair, gently pulling at the end of the strands. I had no doubt I was the focal point of her world when she was touching me, the only thing she saw or thought of. I also no longer doubted her love and devotion to me. I owned her entirely.

She was mine.

And together, we were perfect.

We lie on the bed, bodies warm and wrapped around each other, her head resting on my chest, rising and falling with the rhythm of my breathing. Her elegant hand drawing circles on my chest while I had my nose in her hair. We were both drunk with love and desire, unable to shake the feeling of euphoria that surrounded us.

"This feels so peaceful." She murmurs, her voice throaty and near hoarse.

My chest rumbles with a low groan. "Because you're here. Having you like this, with me, I can't tell you how it feels."

"Like home." She finishes without hesitation. "Your arms Samuel," she says while pressing her body tighter against mine, "your embrace, that's my home. Just you and me."

I study her face with piercing eyes, wondering if she could ever stop surprising me. "How am I going to let you go after this?" I shake my head and she looks up at me. I stare into her eyes and bring her face closer to mine, "I can't."

She lifts herself slowly and lays her body over mine, settling on top of me, her breasts press intimately against my chest, her hair falling around her delicate figure, tickling my skin. The sensual pressure made me hot for her all over again. Carla pushes her fingers through my hair and whispers, "You will." I close my eyes at her response, already dreading that moment. It blows my mind she still thinks I can let her go after this. "But you'll do it because you know I will always come back to you."

I firmly fist her hair with one hand and caress her mouth with the other, "The last time I did you took too long to come back." I say while looking at her lips, "I can't go through that again."

She brings her hands to my face and presses gentle fingers on my eyelids, urging me to close my eyes, "When I'm gone, close your eyes and remember me this way. Happy and free. And madly in love with you." Inhaling deeply, consciously trying to slow my racing heart. I quickly drag her hands to my mouth and kiss her palms softly. Because I'm content enough to have her back in my arms, it takes me a moment to register that she is really leaving me. For some reason I had yet to find out about.

"Tell me something that'll make me stand watching you leave tomorrow." I beg her, my voice sounding nothing like mine.

"Remember when I told you that I started to believe we could have a future together?" she asks while smoothing the arch between my brows. I nod silently, "I want that now more than I ever did before. Back then you let me walk away, and I was proud enough to do so, but I don't want to be anymore. I want to be with you, and I honestly don't care about anything else."

"The only reason I let you go," I say while brushing strands of her golden hair from her cheek "Is because I felt like I was betraying my brother and Marina for my own selfish happiness. After that first night we spent here, I was starting to let go of everything else, clinging to the feelings I was starting to have for you. I wanted to run after you so badly that day; I still can count the number of steps it took you to step out the door. You have no idea how hard it was for me to watch you walk away after telling me the only thing I've ever dreamed of hearing you say."

"It was even harder for me, knowing you were everything I wanted. I hated that I had to walk out and lose what I found in this house." I stare at her, she wasn't promising me anything, but she said exactly what I'd needed to hear. We might not know what will happen after this, but we wouldn't give up on each other no matter what happens. "Samuel, you are my peace."

I close my eyes and inhale deeply, feeling like her words tangled my thoughts and I was unable to think of anything articulate to add. Not even asking about why we couldn't be together.

Because I promised her I'd wait.

And for her I would wait forever.

After the passionate night we just had, I couldn't let myself think of anything but the feel of her body against mine, and after the way she just owned me, all I want is to burrow into her arms and sleep peacefully in her embrace.

She moves her hands up and down my forearms, her eyes contemplating the veins and hairs on them, then moving slowly to my chest where she presses a gentle kiss.

I lick my dry lips, mesmerized by the change in her. She went from intensely focused to intimately playful by just looking at my body.

"You've become so strong." She whispers and looks up at me. "It makes me feel safe."

I chuckle before grabbing her hand and kissing her knuckles one at a time. "I had to channel all that anger somewhere. The punching bag was the best fit."

She twists her mouth and keeps on caressing my body. As if she was trying to memorize it, which made me feel terrified. I studied her, looking for cracks in her resolve. I ended up falling for the way she looked at me, with so much admiration.

She then traces my lips with her fingertips, "I also love your lips. They're the first thing I noticed about you when you first approached me." She confesses and I listen carefully, "Your lips make me lose the ability to think."

"Prove it." The words leave my throat as a low command, but she must have sensed the yearning behind it.

I watch her prompt herself on my chest to move closer, a silly smile stretching my mouth at how intimate we looked, I offer my lips and wait until she's inches away then whisper slowly, "Want some macaroni?"

She freezes and opens her eyes, and as soon as they meet mine, we both burst out laughing, I grab her face and gently pull her against my rumbling chest, her sensual laugh making mine last longer, she looks up at me still laughing while shaking her head, a wide smile gracing her lips, her eyes sparkling and travelling across my features.

Grabbing my face in her hands she tickles my nose with hers and giggles, "I do but later. Right now I just want you."

My mouth curves into a satisfied smile and I pull her close for a kiss, her beautiful lips are soft and coaxing as I move mine against them with franticly and feel her temperature rise. "I love you so much."

"I know the feeling." She says with a smile before pressing her cheek against my chest, I bend my arms around her back and move my hands up and down her spine. Pressing my nose in her hair, I inhale deeply and we both drift into deep sleep.

Everything shifted tonight, her love for me was no longer a question, and my last thought as my eyes closed was that there would be plenty of time to talk tomorrow.

But as the early morning sunlight began to creep under the dark curtain of my bedroom, I realized with an uneasy feeling that tomorrow was already here.

 ** _Carla_**  
Consciousness eased into of my sleep-filled mind, and I tried to force it away. I didn't want to wake up. I was warm and comfortable and content.

Vague visions of my dream passed behind my closed eyes as I snuggled into my warm pillow. I move my hand up to scratch my eyes and feel someone's hair in my hands.

I freeze.

Something warm pressed against me, and my eyes flutter open to see a head of familiar messy hair inches from my face. A hundred images flashed through my mind in that second as the reality of last night came crashing down on my confused brain.

My heart rate quickened as I lifted my head slightly to see Samuel wrapped around me. His head lay on my stomach, his perfect mouth parted slightly, breathing slow and calm against my skin. His heavy body lay half over mine, our legs tangled together and his strong arms wrapped tightly around my torso.

I remember the way we fell asleep last night and wonder how we ended up switching positions this comfortably. The intimacy of our embrace hit with a crushing force that actually took my breath away. We didn't just sleep together, we clung to one another. That made me smile shamelessly.

I was painfully aware of each inch of where our skin touched, feeling the powerful thump of his heartbeat against my chest. My pulse quickened with the urge to touch him. My nose tickled to press against his hair. It was too much. He was too much.

I moved my hand slightly and carefully to reach the clock on the nightstand, I turn it my direction to find it was only 6am. We only slept two hours; two long and peaceful hours of pure bliss. Thankfully, it was a Sunday which means we had no school today; it also meant that my father won't be checking up on me, especially since he thinks I spent the night with Yeray. I sigh with relief.

I quickly swallow that idea and panic again at the thought of Rebeka. _What if she comes home early and finds me, us like this?_

Placing one hand on the back of his head and the other on his shoulder, I manage to roll him off me. He begins to stir and I freeze, caressing his cheek and silently willing him to go back to sleep. He mumbles my name before his breathing evens out again, and I slip out from underneath him, already missing his warmth and feel against me.

I watch him sleep for a moment, the panic receding somewhat at the way he looked while unconscious. God, he was gorgeous. Long lashes, perfect cheekbones, full pouty lips, and a stubble-covered jaw. I smooth his hair from his face and watch his mouth curves slightly.

I move out the bed discreetly and pick the top sheet wrapping it tightly around me, I stand in the middle of the room and try to remember where I left my dress. _Ugh that ugly dress_. I look around the room and stop at his drafting table, driven by curiosity I walk towards it on tiptoes; I reach for the paper on it and flip it carefully to see the drawing on it. I expect there to be a comic character, a superhero, or anything in that sense and swallow hard at what's under my eyes.

The drawing was still not finished, but what it made me feel transcended words to describe it. It was more of a scenery, an unknown couple sitting next to each other, their eyes connected deeply while they sat in front of a table with two plates decorating it. Moonlight streamed through the window making the room brighter. They both looked happy and content, alone and away from the rest of the world.

A single tear streamed down my face before I even realize it. These people weren't just any couple.

They were us. In living color. Us, alone and away from the world, eating macaroni and enjoying the simple luxury of being together.

I inhale deeply while tracing each line with shaky fingers. Wishing I could live in this drawing forever.

I was jolted out of my thoughts by a voice thick with sleep. "That's us."

Turning, I catch a glimpse of his naked body as he twists in the sheet and sits up, pulling it over his hips and leaving his torso bare. I didn't think I would ever get tired of looking at him. Naked and clothed. My eyes make their way up his body and when my eyes finally reach his face, I feel a sudden rush of emotions at the way he looked at me, "I know. I couldn't miss that." I say without hesitation.

"It's not finished yet," he murmurs, rubbing a hand over his jaw.

He looked adorable, his hair a messy tangle, his strands defying gravity while one fell audaciously against his forehead, his cheeks were flushed, lips were swollen red no thanks to my greedy mouth. He lifts a hand above his head, the window above his drafting table caused sunlight to stream in, blindingly bright against my back and all around me, the warm leaks burning his eyes that were half closed while he tried to stare at me, but the longing and love they mirrored was still there to see.

He stays like that for a long minute before he suddenly opens his eyes wide open, as if to defy the sun that blinded his eyes and stopped him from looking straight at me, proving to me and himself that nothing could keep him from reaching me. No matter how strong it was.

I briefly wondered then, if he continued to look at me like that, would my skin ignite?

No amount of words was enough to describe what I felt for him.

I loved him too much.

My whole world narrowed to just him.

His tongue darts out to wet his lips. "Come here," he says quietly. I move to the bed, intending to sit beside him, but he pulls me fast so I straddled his thighs, and whispers in my ear, "Tell me what you're thinking."

I stay silent for some unknown reason. My thoughts exploding together like fireworks.

"You're not regretting last-?" he begins in a worried tone and I kiss him hard, stealing the rest of his question, replacing it with a low moan that escapes his lips.

I hold his head in my hands and brush my mouth ardently over his. I don't care about bruising his lips, I eat him alive.

I finally pull away with closed eyes and hear him breathing hard, I smile, "What do you think?" I ask with a playful grin. He chuckles softly and I kiss his forehead, "I'm just worried. What if Rebeka comes home and-"

He easily shakes his head, "It's still too early, and I don't think she'll come around before noon." I stay silent while biting my lips. "Does this mean you still don't want anyone to know about us?" he asks while pushing my hair behind my ear. He also distracts me while kissing along my shoulder, to my collarbone and up my neck.

I wasn't sure how to interpret that. Did he mean he wanted Rebeka to know about us?

I don't think twice and ask it out loud, "Do you want her to find out?"

He looks up at me with hard eyes, his jaw clenching restlessly, "Her and everyone else." The possessiveness with which he said that hit me like a blow.

I loved him insanely. More than anything else.

I swallow hard.

"There's nothing I want more." I confess with brutal honesty. I was fed up with having to hide all the time.

I wanted the whole world to know he was mine and I was his.

He twists his fingers around my necklace, pressing me into his side and pulling me out of my rambling thoughts, "Never take this off again." He orders heatedly against my neck.

"I never did, even when it wasn't around my neck, I had it with me all the time. I never took it off." I promise him while pressing my lips on that charming scar that cut through his right brow.

Pulling away, the shadows leave his face, chased away by his smile, "Good." He simply says and makes my heart skip a beat. "You hungry?"

Reveling in his playfulness, I tease him, "Very, but don't tell me we're having macaroni for breakfast too!"

He surprised me by throwing his head back and laughing, his chest vibrating against me. It was a lusty, full-bodied sound and my toes curled at hearing it.

I rarely see him laugh. Which is why I couldn't stop smiling at him. My eyes rooming all over his features. I couldn't come to describe how my heart bursted into life everytime I heard that sound, how my eyes adored to settle on every detail of his face, admiring how gorgeous he was.

How unique.

How perfect.

Mine.

I was held astonished when he easily swallows the rest of his laugh and smiles back at me, I was oblivious about the way I looked at him untill his voice pulled me out of my cloud, "Keep looking at me like that, see what happens." He taunts me with his eyes, his teeth seductively catching his bottom lip.

My eyes fly to his, my blood heating at the sound of his voice, "Or what?" I whisper with a challenging stare.

He moves closer, his body ingnite underneath mine, his breath hot in my ear and whisperes, "Well this."

He moves in fast and throws me on the bed, he stradles me and starts tickling me like mad, I scream and squirm against his magic fingers, pleading words escaping my lips in between laughs, I throw gentle hits against his hard chest, my heels trashing restlessly against the sheets. He mercifully puts me out of my misery, sinking down over me with a groan, I close my eyes at the feel of his nude body, loving the depth of this position again. I stare up at his stuning face, in love with everything about him.

It was so easy, so natural between us, It's been like this since the very begining. We weren't afraid of being ourselves when we were together.

I was grateful for that.

For him.

He presses his forehead agaisnt mine and kisses my smiling mouth, "What do you want for breakfast?" he asks softly.

"You." I seductively whisper and playfully raise my body to his.

He purrs agaisnt my mouth and kisses me tenderly, a lush deep kiss that makes my head spin. He pulls away and props himself up on his hands. "I thought you said you were hungry."

"Not for food anyway." I tease him and run my palms down his defined chest and abs.

"You're insatiable. How am I going to keep up with you?" he asks with a wide grin.

I leisurely stroke his stunning face with my fingers, recalling that one time we did it in the back of my car, "Well, rich kids stuff." I say while smiling at him, my hands sliding over his shoulders and down his arms, across his chest and to the muscles of his hips.

He lets that sink in and shakes his head with warm amusement.

_I loved him too much._

Folding over me, he opens his mouth and I reach up shutting him down with a passionate kiss that turns into so much more for the next hour.

I join him in the kitchen after taking a quick shower again, my hair is still wet and clingy as I make my way to him, wearing one of his large red gym pants and a basic white shirt. I looked ridiculously comfortable. He on the other hand wore a simple black shirt with his black pyjama pants from last night, looking fresh and sexy as hell.

He eyes me as I step into the room, he leans on the table and pierces me with his eyes, "How can you still look sexy while wearing that?"

I roll my eyes and check the table to find a dozen of pancakes displayed on a large plate. I look at him with wide eyes and he norrows his brows at me. "What?" he asks with amusement.

"How did you know I loved pancakes?" I excitedly ask while making my way around the table.

"You do?" I stare at him in disbelief. He couldn't have guessed it. "I swear I had no idea. I just thought I'd make you something nice."

"You're too much." I walk to him and hug him tightly, pressing my nose in the crook of his neck, he smelled divine, like wood on a rainy day, flavored with that masculin scent that made my insides clench.

He pulls a seat for me and I sit eagerly. He takes the one on my right and watches me take a couple of pancakes, drown them in syrup and take a first bite.

"Mmm." I moan as euphoria moves through me, I open my eyes and find him staring at me with so much fondness, his head propped on one hand, making him look adorable. He doesn't utter a word, he just looks at me. I chew the food in my mouth fast but not enough to swallow it yet, so I just ask him with a full mouth, "What?"

He grins and streches a hand to my face, he wipes the syrup from the corners of my mouth and brings them to his lips, sucking gently, "Nothing. Just enjoying the view."

I watch him with wide eyes, feeling my face heat and blush from the intensity of his eyes. "You better start eating otherwise you'll have none left for you." I remind him and he chuckles softly.

He nods and picks his fork.

We eat and laugh at each other's jokes, he tells me about his first time cooking macaroni and I laugh inawrdly at the way he couldn't stop laughing while telling the story. The house was filled with us, our voices, our laughs, Samuel's stories.

Nothing else reached us.

There was only us.

We were completely alone.

We both jump at the sound of my phone ringing in my purse, our heads turn at the same time towards the living room. I swallow hard and drop my fork on the table. Samuel instanly holds my hand in his, caressing my palm and soothing my ragging pulse with his thumb. He looks at me with reassuring eyes and stands to go get it.

I stay unmoving and wait for him to come back. When he does, I look at his face turning grim at the sight of who was calling.

He hands me the phone and leans against the counter.

It was Yeray.

I grip the phone tightly and answer, "Hello."

"Carla, where are you?" he asks in a nervous tone.

"Why? Why are you so nervous?" I say with a confused look.

"You father called to ask about you. I told him we weren't together and that I dropped you off home last night." I panic and look at Samuel who was radiating with anger.

"It's fine, I'm at Lu's house, I went to her after you left, we had a girl's night." I hear Samuel grunt and I look up at him. His jaw was hard as stone.

"Ah okay. I'm sorry, I just got worried."

"It's fine. I'll call you later." I hung up before he even answers and walk up to Samuel.

I hold his face in my hands and look him dead in the eyes, "I'm going to fix this. I promise. I just need some time."

"So what? You expect me to watch you be with him like nothing happened?"

"Just until I figure out how to handle this!"

"I don't even know what the problem is, Carla. Do you have any idea what it's doing to me?" he practically screams in my face.

"Look, I just-"

"Do you even realize that I hooked up with Rebeka just to get back at you? I wanted to hurt you Carla. On purpose. Without even realizing it, because the resentment I'm feeling is eating at me even now while I'm convincing myself that I can live with everything you're not telling me!" He harshly yells at me with a look that made my skin crawl. Turning away, he slam the counter hard with his hands.

I quickly press my body against his back, my arms warpping tightly around his waist. Pressing my cheek against him, I whisper with a pained voice, "It's okay. I broke your heart."

I feel his body shake a little before he speaks, "Still, it's not a reason for what I did."

He was feeling guilty and I couldn't let him beat himself up for something I caused, I grab the cotton of his shirt firmly and turn him around, his eyes remain closed even when I speak, "We can't just forget the past weeks Samuel. I broke you and you're still hurting. I am too. It's fine."

It struck me then that I hadn't been completely ready for Samuel's reaction when it came to what I had done to him. Part of him was still holding a grudge, and I was fine with that. I deserved it.

Yet I still couldn't tell him about my father. I couldn't pile that on him after everything I already did, my involvement in murder, my secrets, my manipulative behavior.

_How much more shit can I pile on him before he runs the opposite direction?_

He lets out a nervous sigh and I press my forehead against his, "So what are you saying?" he asks in a shaky voice, his hot breath burning my eyes.

"That I have no right to leave you and hurt you—for whatever reason—then expect you to forget how that felt and forgive me overnight." I push my fingers through his hair and pull his face closer to mine, " Samuel, I just don't want to hurt you anymore. "

He opens his eyes and I swallow past the lump in my throat from the intensity of his stare. "Then don't." His voice was smooth and soft. Dangerously so.

He then moves in fast and kisses me with heartrending tenderness. I move my lips sweetly againts his mouth, the knot in my stomach easing with each brush of his lips.

"So we're okay?" I ask after breaking the kiss and feel his body soften.

"Yes." He barely lets the word out.

"Thank you." I say with relief and stroke his face with my hands.

Opening his eyes, Samuel's hands band my wrists, tightening in the authoritative way that made everything inside me surrender. "You're the only force who could keep me away." The words were a vow, spoken fervently and fiercely.

"Thank you for that too." I say breathlessly.

"Where do we go from here?" He asks and I pull away to stare at his beautiful face, now marked with lines of hope.

"Wherever this takes us. Together." I whisper against his mouth. "Just don't do anything, wait for me."

He nodds and I lean in for a kiss, we both flinch at the sound of my phone again, a text disturbing our intimate embrace.

He curses and I reach for it quickly, I don't let go of his face while reading the message from my father.

_Theodor: You have five mintues to come outside._

I shiver as I read the words, I let the phone slip from my hand and fall on the floor, causing Samuel to reach for it, I bend down fast and we put our hands on it at the same time, he raises his head and just by looking at me, he already knew something was wrong.

I hold his hand when he tries to grab the phone and bring it to my face, I press it against my cheek and lean into his touch, "Carla, what's wrong? Who is it from?"

"I have to go." I say my voice breaking. He studies my face with concern, his eyes moving all over my features. I give him a reassuring look and he nods.

We both stand and I look around me, having no idea what I was looking for. He presses his lips on my forehead and whispers, "It's fine. I'll get your things."

I nod before he disapears into the bathroom. I walk to the living room on shaky legs and stare at my father's text. I type a response, my whole body trembling now.

_Carla: Please don't do anything. I'll be right out._

Samuel steps into the room at that moment and I jump a little. He glares at the phone in my hand and scans my face, "Here's your dress. And shoes."

I remember just then what I was wearing when I came here, "I don't want either of them. Just throw them away."

He arches his brows and curves his mouth, "Really? Even the dress?"

I sigh and look at him, "He bought it for me Samuel."

The change in him struck me like lightning. He shots me an irritated look before turning to the dress and staring at it in a way that made my mouth curve. "I'm not surprised." He eyes it with a wry look and fists it in both hands. Startled, I watch him with a shocked look as he tears it apart with his bare hands. "There." He says and I can't help but break into laughter.

He's still frowning when he looks at me laughing. A small smile appears in his face as he tries to stop himself from joining me, he resists for a whole minute before a throaty joyful sound escapes him.

I shake my head and step into his body, hugging him tightly, enjoying the sound of his happy laugh, "I love you."

He kisses the top of my head and wraps me in his arms sweetly, "I love you more." He whispers and I try to hold on to him for as long as I can before pulling away, "You need shoes tho. Wait let me get you a pair of my mom's sneakers."

I nod and after a few seconds, he returns with a pair of converse and for some reason, I'm not surprised. I quickly take them from his hand and put them on. He watches me with his full attention.

I then grab my purse and find his open hand waiting for me to hold. I stare at it then at his beautiful face, "You can't walk me out."

Samuel examines my face and sighs but still refuses to put his hand away, "Just to the door then."

I loved him then more than I ever thought possible. I instantly push my fingers through his and he squeezes my hand softly. We walk to the door and I take a deep breath. I face him and look down at our joined hands. I press my lips tightly together and look up at him while shaking my hand, "Samuel I'm really-"

"Shhh. Don't even try to apologize again." He says and lifts both hands to caress my cheeks, "I'd rather hear you say it again."

I smile and kiss his hand, "You'll get tired of hearing it if we continue like this."

"Never." He promises and kisses me hard. We cling to each other as we kiss and both pull away when we hear my phone ringing again, "You better go before I smash it agaisnt the wall."

I smile wryly at his statement and he opens the door for me, I step outside while still holding his hand, he doesn't follow me though, he leans against the door, looking at me with those adorable, calming puppy eyes. "Wait for me."

"Always." He vows, his mouth curving upward. I take a few steps back while looking at him, our fingers still touching until distance pulls them apart. I turn away and walk with filled eyes.

I don't hear his door closing and a single tear streams down my face.

I step outside and find my father's blue car parked on the opposite side of the street. My whole body shakes with fear. I barely manage to walk with the way my legs were trembeling. I reach the car and settle in the front seat next to him.

His hands are gripping the wheel tightly, I study his face and feel my stomach twist, "I'm-"

"Don't you dare speak. I don't want to hear a single word from you." I recoil from his harsh tone. My heart convulsing in my chest.

He turns to meet my gaze and a wave of panic and horror moves through me. I swallow hard and look out the window.

I knew that look well. It was one that came before he decides to handle things himself.

He turns the engine on and drives away.

Inhaling deeply, I try to prepare myself for what was coming. I was terrfied.

I had to fight hard for what I wanted.

But mostly, I had to hide my fear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter inspired by the song: i love you – billie eilish
> 
> "You didn't mean to say, "I love you"  
> But I love you and I don't want to"
> 
> And here goes another chapter. I really did change quite a lot in the story and I hope it's satisfying your broken Carmuel hearts, I know it's healing mine at least.
> 
> These two deserved more, such a waste and I think the Elite writers will never get over how bad they messed up with this couple, Ester and Itzan never tried to hide their feelings towards Carmuel and their ending, they were as heartbroken as we were, and they always said they wanted them to end up together. And I think that's beautiful.
> 
> Coming back to our story, well the next chapter won't be as happy so, GET READY FOR THE ANGST.  
> Let me know what you think and if you like the way the story is going. Also if you have any assumptions on what I might be writing next please, I'd love to hear it.
> 
> From a broken Carmuel heart to another,
> 
> With love,
> 
> A.


End file.
